Category Archives: personal

The power of Ratzon…

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… or the great escape.

Friday morning my wife and I woke up to our 21 month old uber-daughter yelling, “Out! Out!”. We then heard a thump, some crying and a door open. I got out of bed and when into the hallway to find our daughter out and about.
I found our two older children playing and asked them, “Did you take your sister out of the crib?”
They both answered in the negative.

I looked at our toddler and said, “Did (insert name of brother here) take you out of the crib?”

She said, “No.”

“Did (insert name of sister here) take you out of the crib?”

Again, “No.”

“Who took you out of the crib?”

She looked at me, raised her right hand up in the air, as if she was in a classroom, and answered, “Me.”

Rav Dessler teaches that ratzon, desire, is the root of all action and that Hashem will help fullfill ones’ ratzon. He gives the example of a a thief who wants to steal something will, with effort, acquire the desired object. Of course, our desire, as Rav Dessler write in Michtav M’ Eliyahu, to grow in closenss to Hashem or work on Middos perfection will also be assisted by Hashem.

In this case, my daughter simply wanted out of her crib. My wife’s desire, latter that morning was for me to lower the mattress in the crib. No more suprise escapes…for now!

Connections and reality

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First, this quote from the translation of Da Es Atzmecha by R Schwartz:

We identify with the material, and think we do Hashem a favor: “Thursday night I have a class I attend, and with that, I fulfill my responsibility to study Torah for the week.” This is the opposite of the reality. I have not met anyone who eats a piece of cake Thursday night and says, “I fulfilled my responsibility to eat for the week.” Why? Because he’s hungry! You don’t think about fulfilling your obligation. If the stomach is empty, you need to eat! If we would feel spiritual hunger the way we feel bodily hunger, we would solve the whole problem of life. The problem of life is the identification with the material. People think they have specific problems. One has this problem, another has a different problem. This is all true, but underlying it all is a root problem; namely, that we have the wrong sense of reality.

We’ve been dealing with DSL issues all week. I’ve been on the phone and off the phone for several hours all week. Tonight I was dealing with tech support for about an hour, just to get an internet connection so I could check email and, now, post. All this time and effort just to go online. As I reflect, it’s sort of silly. I did, however, recall the above quote that I read over Shavuos and realized that I am lacking in the efforts to maintain strong ‘connections’ in other areas of my life. For example, understanding Tefillah (prayer). While on hold, I decided that I can easily put as much effort into understanding Tefillah and having a stronger connection to Hashem, as I can to getting my DSL connection. We have several great seforim (books) on Tefillah.

I am not one to wave a flag and shout, “Hey! Look at me and what I’m doing!”, but I write this now only to make a concrete commitment to start spending at least an hour a week looking into what I’m actually saying when I daven (pray). In this way I hope to fullfill part of my obligation.

If America runs on Dunkin, then I must…

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…bike on Crystal Light . It happens to be what I drink in my water bottle when I bike. I happen to like Sunrise Classic Orange. The idea that America runs on Dunkin” sort of cracks me up. When I think of jogging or any exercise, rarely do I think of Dunkin Donuts. Perhaps what they mean is that after Pesach, Yidden run to their local dunkin that is under a local hechshar? My son will never forget when he was 5 yrs old after spending the final days of Pesach in Chicago that as we drove past the Dunkin on Devon Ave (1 hour after havdala) the line was out the door with Torah observant Jews waiting for a donut (this image would have made a great posting about what our priorites are, but the moshul is way to obvious to the average reader).

I don’t necessarily think that I really run on Crystal Light. The marketing team for Dunkin Donuts must believe that “running on something” probably refers to what ‘motives’ or ‘energizes’ someone. That being said, I have been wondering what I do actually “run on”?

The obvious answers would be: family, love of Hashem, need to provide for the people I love, etc.
I guess, in theory, I “run” on Shabbos. Not that I actually go running on Shabbos, but Shabbos, in theory, should energize those who keep it, as Shabbos really is the focal point of the entire week and of creation. Again, I wrote the words, “in theory”. I admit that I don’t really think about this important idea as much as I should.

As I sit and type, I realize that even those things that ‘motive’ or ‘energize’ me only get me so far and I have the ability to push myself much further than I do. There is no need to comment, but if you are reading this, it might be worth a minute or two to think about what you run on?

The waxless candle

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Recently while shopping I saw this item, a wickless candle. It sort of threw me for a loop. The box stated that it was safe for pet and children (which I guess is nice) and that it was made out of real wax. Still, it’s an imitation of the original. The whole concept of the wickless candle brought be back to my post about Obervabots and Deceptijews.

I know that I, at times, give the impression of being a real candle, with a real wick and real fire. There are days when I feel like I’m wickless, days when I’m an imitation of what I can be.

A flame should be real. Our soul is like a flame and we need to keep it lit. Oddly, I first learned this from Greg Graffin in the fall of 1989 when I heard these words on a Bad Religion album:
“How fragile is the flame that burns within us all, to light each passing day?” (two points if you can name the album w/o searching the web).
R Simon Jacobson says it like this, in Towards A Meaningful Life, “Look closely at a candle, and you will see an approximation of your soul-the flame licking the air, reaching upward, as if towards G-d. And yet the wick pulls it back to earth. Similarly, your soul is constantly reaching upward, while your body holds you back with its insistent demands for physical sustenance or gratification. The question for each of us is, Do we chose to be the flame that rises upward or the wick that holds us down?”

“The spirit of man is the lamp of Hashem, searching all the innermost parts.” -Mishley 20:27
Batteries in a wickless candle eventually run out. A true candle’s flame can pass from one wick to another.

My son’s one-liner

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With the stress and pressure of Pesach upon everyone my son found a way to bring a smile and loud laugh to his Abba. Shabbos night after dinner my 8 yr old uberson and I were looking at his library book, Guiness World Records To The Extreme. It had some pretty wild things in it like the person with the longest nose, longest fingernails, longest toenails, longest beard, longest ear-hair, etc. In my own way of trying to show him that most things in the our world can be seen through the eye of the Torah, I mentioned to him that there is a bracha that one says when they see “strange and unusual people”.

He, in his most serious 2nd grader voice, looked me in the eyes and said, “I’ve heard of that bracha, Abba. I think it’s “sh’lo a’sanni freak!” And then he fell off the sofa laughing! My wife and were cracking up, too.

While we do try into instill the idea of kavod habrius in our kids, I was pretty impressed with his quick wit.

Quotes

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In line during a very hectic, draining, and busy week for me. I didn’t even read much on anything online, including email. Part of my week took me to the post office. While waiting in line I saw the follow quote from Benjamin Franklin (who’s writings, BTW, influenced this sefer):

Energy and persistence conquer all things.
This happened to be one of several things that I needed to read and think about this week. These also hit home:

Never despair. It is forbidden to give up hope! -Reb Nachman
There is no greater illness than discouragement.- Rabbi Yisrael Lipkin of Salant
Impossible Is Nothing!- Current ad campaign for Adidas

Have a great Shabbos Kodesh!

Seconds Thoughts

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(from Dkimages.com)

Recently we spent a delightful afternoon with good friends at the Jelly Belly Center, here. On our tour of their facility, I hear the following statement:

It takes between seven to ten days for our factories to make a Jelly Belly bean. It takes just one second to eat one.

While I was wowed by all the cool flavors to eat, I kept thinking about that statement. It hit a cord with me. Not a big, Earth shattering cord, but a more simple and grounded cord. I say the appropriate brachos before and after I eat and drink, but I really should give some thought as to all the effort that goes into the items I’m making my bracha over. From a simple Jelly Bean to a Shabbos meal, there’s a vast amount of effort that takes place. It takes just one second to eat one. I’m sure that working on my Hakoras HaTov is worth more one second of enjoyment.

The right perscription….

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A Simple Jew recently asked me:


I have always preferred sifrei Chassidus over sifrei Mussar. I find sifrei Chassidus to be uplifting and many sifrei Mussar to be somewhat depressing since they break me down and remind me that I am nothing. Although they may be the right prescription for another type of neshoma, I feel that for me it would be equivalent to taking the wrong type of medicine.As someone who feels an attraction to sifrei Mussar, do you think my observation is an oversimplification?

My answer can be found here.

My penchant to rant…

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… or why I don’t blog Anon

This is actually my second blog. My first blog was back November 2004 and I did not use my name. The blog was called “Out of town Yid” and constisted of only one posting. The blog was put to sleep after about two days. My ‘post’ was basically about how middos and basic ethical concepts in Yiddishkeit should, in theory, get passed on to one’s children, students, congregants, or receivers of ‘Jewish outreach attempts’. When this doesn’t happen, it’s a disaster. It was not what I would describe as as a “happy go lucky post full of sunshine”. After rereading it I, as mentioned, pulled the plug.

For some, the ability to blog anonymous works to their advantage. For me, it brought out a dark side, that gravitated towards the sarcastic, a place were I might be prone to use my “wit to abuse, not to amuse.”

I know, for myself, that blogging under my name helps to (hopefully) keep me in check and for lack of a better phrase, not do anything foolish. When one puts themselves out in the public, on the web, on You Tube, Facebook, at the grocery store, at work, in shul, or in line somewhere for coffee, we do not only represent ourselves. There is a bigger picture.

That picture, may include our family, spouse, children, or the general category of “Torah observant Judaism”. Chillul Hashem is never a good thing. Rav Yisrael (Lipkin) of Salant (I know it’s not Sunday) said:
When Lashon Hara is spoken in Vilna, the effect will be Chillul Shabbos in Paris.

If, chas v’Shalom, this is true, then the best way to counter such a thing would be for me to remember that the opportunities that I can use for a Kiddush Hashem, or the learning I do, or the davening I do, or the mitzvos I do can have a very global effect. Can a Jew davening in Yerushalyim have an impact on another Jew in Wichita, KS? I like to hope so.

I’m not so global of a thinker tonight, though. I’d rather think more locally, like about my kids sleeping several rooms away. I hope I can affect them positively.