It’s freezing and I can’t wait for Shavuos
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Category Archives: personal
File Under: Overthinking music that I grew up with
A close friend of my sent me a message last week about a new album by Bob Mould, easily my favorite non-Jewish recording artist since 1984, along with a link to the album and track samples. I admit the last album I bought of this musician was back in 1996 and I’ll also admit that just last week I listened to his orignal band’s seminal work “Zen Arcade” while driving in the snow (hardcord punk seems to really go well with bad weather). I don’t often listen to his music these days, as it turns out, mostly by choice. Echos of Piamenta, Karduner, YBC, Carlebach, YHB (Yitzhak HaLevi Band) and some Diaspora tracks have a home in my iTunes (with a sprinkling of Talking Heads, Sonic Youth, and one Bad Religion song).
Well, as I looked at the names of the tracks on the album the last song’s title was familiar. I listened to the sample, and yep, I knew the song (rather well, it has been a favorite of mine for over 16 years via an accoustic concert bootleg). Those in the ‘know’ knew that it was originally slated to be on this artist’s first solo album but didn’t make the final cut.
I find it interesting that he chose now to put a song easily 20 years old on a new album…and from what I heard it’s exactly the same song . But then again, I have journal entries that are meaningful to me that I would not post on this blog. Call it ‘artistic license’, I suppose. There are things we reveal to many and many things we keep tightly in our ‘inner circle’. I guess, in this case, a musician’s choice to put a track ‘for the fans’ on an album is an added bonus for some. It’s sort of like telling that same family joke to your kids or wife, knowing that a smile will erupt.
It does give me food for thought about what things I keep to myself and what things should be revealed and the timing involved in both.
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Looking for something else to read? I suggest these:
A Simple Jew: Another 40 Days – Reopening The Notebook – Part 1
Dixie Yid: A Special One Day Trip Down South (West)
Rechovot: The Mussar in messing with the Rabbi’s parking spot
"Headlong into harm"
A Simple Jew commented here and asked me how I interpret the following said in the name of R Yisrael Lipkin of Salant: When running to complete a Mitzvah, one can destroy an entire world on the way.
I think the following two vignettes about R Yisrael should be told in order before I continue:
A) When asked to tell something over about Pesach, R Yisrael would tell his talmidim prior to Pesach that they should be careful to be nice to the widows that bake the shum’ra matza they purchase before Pesach.
B) R Yisrael was once asked to tell over a thought prior to starting davening on Yom Kippur. He told those around him that they should be careful before davening that night when they put on their tallisism and not hit the person behind them with the tzitzis of their own tallis.
Clearly being, what was viewed at the time, as highly sensitive to others was a major part of R Yisrael’s Avodas Hashem. He put a re-emphasis on mitzvos Bein Adam L’Chavero that seemed to be lacking in the mid-to-late 1800’s. For him, in fact, Bein Adam L’Chavero was an aspect of Bein Adam L’Makom.
Shabbos night two weeks ago (just after R Yisrael’s Yartzeit) I actually read the above quote to my 8yr old. I gave him the above examples and also asked him if it would be fair if he was running a race and decided to trip someone he was running against so that he could win. Of course, he thought that it would be unfair and not a “real win”. Then I used a senario that was more close to home. When we are late to shul Shabbos morning (this is a real life example) and we rush into the beis medresh so that we can get two seats together, how would Hashem look at us if we bumped into several people on the way and distrubed their kavana as they were davening to Hashem?
This is probably what R Yisrael was speaking about…frumkeit. Let me use my zerizus to do whatever I need to do to, and another’s expense, to fullfill my mitzvah. That’s what the founder of the Mussar movement was up against. I see the same thing when people go shopping and grab the last package of sushi pushing aside someone’s shopping cart or a parent cuttting off cars so that they can get a prime spot in the ‘car line’ at school. To some, it might not seem like a chiddush to be thoughtful. Others, just might not think. If each mitzvah that we do creates a malach and each person is considered a ‘world’, then how careful must we be that the path we make towards fullfilling even the ‘smallest’ mitzvah doesn’t totally destroy the proverbial flower garden that belongs to our neighbor?
A timely coffee stain
While pouring coffee this afternoon, I got some on my shirt. As Hashgacha would have it, I was wearing this shirt. I instantly dabbed some water on the spot in question and recalled the previously referenced post.
Interestingly, on the way home from work last night, my hisbodedus included the following:
Hashem, may you help me in not allowing the middah of Shalom to waver in my dealings with others or with myself. May your assistance help me not compromise on those things that are important to me and may negative influences not affect me, or be absorbed like a stain on me. May I use every opportunity to grow in the proper direction.
I often find lately that certain things like patience and tranquility seem to get hijacked from my control. Understanding that these are simply tests may help.
Product placement
Yesterday I was in a Walgreens to pick something and partake in my once a month crazy habit.
After not finding what I had hoped to find, I continued down the candy aisle. I started laughing. The aisle stared out with candy, then progressed to energy/sports bars, and finally there was shelving at the end of the aisle filled with weight-loss products. HaHaHaHa!
This is gevaldik product placement! What better way to get someone to buy a pill to curb your appetite, than to stick it right next to all the candy. It worked for me. I started thinking (for a minute) if I really even needed to be looking any candy, at all? I could use a pill to help me loose weight, or even some exercise. I suppose some people might use the same approach in chinuch in schools or at home. The “let me show you how NOT to act and then maybe you’ll decide that you really don’t WANT to go down that path” approach is often applied when people use terms like “at risk” or “the hashkafic GPS is broken” (my term for “off whatever derech”). From what I’ve read (and heard from people) a major factor in this trend is not is seeing a genuine Simchas HaChaim in people who are Torah observant.
As I left the store I started thinking about what “products” I want my children to “purchase” from me, their teachers, friends, and our community. I recall listening to Rav Moshe Weinberger’s Inspired Parenting series, (either tape 5 or 6), and hearing that our kids notice exactly when and what we are excited about. Rav Weinberger gives two examples:
1) A mother who can’t wait to go shopping with her daughter when there’s an amazing sale, yet doesn’t get excited about Yom Tom
2) A father who goes to a ball game with his son and screams and cheers the whole time, yet during davening Shabbos morning, he can barely get enough energy to say the words in the siddur
I am not against shopping or sporting events, believe me. But, the responsibility we have by having little eyes watching us is great. I see it in my own kids, in different ways. My 8 yr old, who attends shul with me on Shabbos morning, amazed me by sitting down when the man who makes Kiddush for the minyan sat down to make Kiddush for everyone. I was amazed because when I asked him about why he sat, my son told me, “because I see you sit.”
My 5 yr old, when playing with her 15 month old sister often will use the same phrases and gestures that my wife uses when interacting with the baby.
And even the baby will give kisses to her doll or try to kiss the mezuzzah, all because that is she sees. Product placement seems to be key when you have consumers living with you.
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Small Mussar Moments
Moment 1One morning, several weeks ago, I got a practical lesson in zerizus thanks to my 5 yr old daughter. She decided to read at the table instead of eating her cereal. When she “decided” to actually eat, her cereal was now soggy. She started crying because her “cereal was ruined for life, Abba, for life!”
I was taken back by the obvious mussar lesson. If something like cereal can be “ruined” by simply not choosing to eat it at the right time, then how much more can the opportunity to get close to Hashem be lost by not acting at the right time.
Moment 2
For some time now, my wife and I have been looking into purchasing Nok Hockey for the family. I had found two different national sporting goods chains that advertised it online. Going into both chains on the way home from work, I asked several employees where I could find the item. In both stores, I was given blank stares. It seemed that no one had ever heard of Nok Hockey. I had to explain exactly what the item looked like and how it was used. Again, this didn’t ring a bell. In the end, I went to the manager of each store and was told that it must be an “online item only”.
This reminded me of the exercises that students of the Novardhok school of mussar would partake in. They would often go into hardware stores and ask to purchase clothes, or go into clothing store and ask to purchase bread. These exercises were used to work on negating any trace of guy’vah (haughtiness). After these frustrating attempts, we resorted to eBay.
Moment 3
In the Hirhurim Parashah Roundup: Vayechi 5768 by Steve Brizel there was a link to an idea based on a teaching of R Shlomo Woble z”tl. If found these passages to be most interesting, as I have been trying to isolate some of my better traits lately.
“The Mashgiach said in the name of his rebbi, Rav Yerucham Levovitz z”l, that every person possesses an underlying middah, and if he would be cognizant of that middah he would be able to perfect himself. He elaborated that every person is born with one complete character trait, and through utilizing this trait to its fullest potential, one is able to perfect his character.
What is the way that we can become familiar with our underlying character trait? When the Mashgiach was asked, he answered, “If one would keep a daily accounting of the traits that arise in every given situation, after a few weeks he will be able to tell which trait manifests itself most often.”
If we can make an effort to recognize our strengths and weakness, after just a short while we might be able to transform the way we relate to the situations that arise on a daily basis.
This idea of recording when those traits some up has really helped me. I have been keeping a record of several traits that pop up in my daily actions and have taken time to recall them during my nightly Cheshbon HaNefesh. Then I added some ideas that I read from A Simple Jew’s conversation with his Rebbe that has only clarified things for me.
Moment 4
This past Sunday we went to an indoor sportsfest. One of the many sponsors for this event happened to be Adidis. They had a massive booth with a lot of sports activities for kids. The center attraction was the massive truck and trailer with their new ad campaign plastered everywhere, “Impossible Is Nothing”. My wife spied it from across the room and said, “Neil, you have to go check that out.”
More an a witty play on words, “Impossible Is Nothing” instantly reminded me of one of my favorite quotes from the Alter of Novhardok, R Yosef Yozel Hurwitz:
I never thought about whether I could do something, but only about whether I had to do it. And if something must be done, then Hashem will give the means of doing it.
Often times I fell that the only limit to what I can accomplish is the limit that I personally set for myself. This same quote from the Alter of Novhardok was recently expanded on in a post by Dixie Yid here.
Moment 5
Last week while driving home I saw the following sign in front of a non-Kosher restaurant, “Before you make your resolution, make your reservation”. I found it almost humorous, but this really showed me the greatness of Yiddishkeit. Do you ever hear a Rav in a shul or a Rebbe in a yeshiva telling people to go ahead and commit all the aveiros you want to in Elul, because you can do Teshuva? The secular world tends to tell people that you should do what makes you feel happy and worry about tomorrow, well, tomorrow. Really, they are speaking to the guf.
Our style of communication should be different, we should, in theory, address the neshama first. Maybe the sign should have said, “Make a reservation to make a resolution”, putting thought into what you want to change is only the first step. Bring it into action is the second. Mussar to myself, as usual.
24 of Teves- Rav Dessler’s Yartzeit
Fifty-four years ago Rav Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler z”tl was nifter. I can pretty safely say that his Torah (both the Hebrew of Michtav M’Eliyahu and R Carmell’s translation Strive for Truth) has and continues to be a major influence in my life.
I remember once, while learning in E”Y, spending an afternoon (one of many) with R Moshe Orbach z”tl, one of his Talmidim from England. He showed me a letter of introduction that R Dessler had written him prior to his leaving England to come to America to teach Torah. He kept it in a plastic slip cover and gently hand it to me, like trophy or a fine sculpture. The Hebrew script was beautiful. It was the most artful writing I had ever seen, it seemed to reflect the sh’laymus of the writer.
One of Rav Dessler’s greatest contributions to Hashkafic thought was explaining to the Torah observant world that it is giving that leads us to love, not love that leads us to giving. Rav Dessler, in fact, divided the world into two types of people: Givers and Takers. I find myself constantly thinking about this, as it is a something I, at times, struggle with.
I’d like to share several selections from Jonathan Rosenblum’s biography of Rav Dessler. It is a remarkable work (simply worth the read for the introduction and the few chapters on the Kelm school of mussar):
Each middah with which a person is born, Rabbi Dessler showed, has both its positive and negative side. For instance, man’s innate sense of is own independence, which causes him to rebel against divine commandments and to attribute everything he achieves to his own abilities, also has its positive side. Without that sense of independence, man would lack awareness of his own free will. He could not exercise his bechira (free will)-the very purpose for which he was created. A person’s feeling of independence protects him from despairing of ever being able to change himself. (page 314)
He stressed repairing oneself and only then influencing others. A poem entitled “L’Atzmi- To Myself” expressed his attitude:
To myself I record
in order that I can review the truth I saw
I guard it and remember it…
Is this [guarding for myself] not the outgrowth of self-love?
That is what the superficial view claims. [But the true view is]:
If my heart does not learn, how will it teach?
Only that which goes out from the heart-a heart overflowing its banks-can enter the heart of another. (page 297)
One Friday night, shortly after their marriage, Rabbi Naftoli Friedler and his wife invited Rabbi Dessler for a meal. He noticed that they had only six very cheap knives that would rust easily. Rabbi Dessler came again for dinner, and this time he brought with him six new stainless steel knives. (page 226)
One time, while in New York, Rabbi Dessler when to visit Rabbi Avrohom Yaffen, the Novordhok Rosh Yeshiva, together with Rabbi Naftoli Friedler. As they went through the subway turnstile. Rabbi Friedler heard the subway pulling into the station below and started to run. Rabbi Dessler, however, held him fast. “If it’s not this train, it will be the next one,” he said. “Never do anything in this world with behillus (hurriedly).” (Page 223)
“Sometimes we see with clarity that someone of no great ability succeeds in achieving something of the greatest importance to the entire world,” he writes in one letter. “With what does he succeed to such a degree? Only because no one else understood the importance of that matter. And since he was the only one to come forward, all the joy [of success] falls to his lot.” (page 201)
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40 minutes as a second grade substitute
Right off the bat, I have now idea how any teacher can go through a whole day an not lose their voice. Kol Hakavod to everyone in Chinuch or education.
This week I spent my lunch time watching my son’s second grade class, so his Rebbe could attend a staff Chanukah luncheon. Basically, I was to sit down and watch my son and his fellow friends eat their lunch. I, of course, didn’t really feel like sitting.
Then I told them that before coming in the class I opened my car trunk and found: A case of water, a “Snap-N-Go” baby carset stroller, and a skateboard. I asked the class what they could learn about me from these three items.
Then I asked them what sports teams are in Cleveland…of course they named the Indians and the Cavs. Then I told them a story about a Rosh Yeshiva from Cleveland, R Mordechai Gifter z”tl (whom their second grade Rebbe had learned bei for a number of years), who when in high school at MTA had a collection of Rabbi photos on his dorm wall. The photos were set up as a square with a blank spot in the middle. In this black spot, as I recall, was a piece of paper with the words, “Where will you be?” written on it. This is what he looked at when he wasn’t in class. I explained to the boys that what we see and surround ourselves with says a lot about who we are and what’s important to us.
I asked them why it’s important to place your menorah either in your doorway or by a window? Several answers included: it’s the halacha, so that people know which homes are Jewish, and so that we can let the mitzvah shine. The last answer is the one I used to start a talk about the importance of loving to do mitzvos and so happy that you make your own light. I told them that when people walking by their homes see a menorah or see their family sitting down to eat on a Shabbos night, it sends a powerful message that lights up the world.
After that we played one of my favorite games, called Good News/Bad News. It was taught to me years ago from a Rabbi who as since ‘retired’ from being a ‘Kiruv professional’. Basically you write down a list of all the negative that the class come up with to describe someone. We got things like: weirdo, not good at sports, funny dresser, smelly, come to class late, doesn’t finish homework, etc. All in all, our list included 24 items given within a five minute span.
Then we moved on to the Good News. The class lists all the positive things they can say about someone, such as: he’s smart, nice, friendly, good ball player. We only got to 14 items in the same five minute span. The point, as I explained to the class, was that it’s much easier to find bad things to say about someone than it is to find the good things to say.
Lastly, I paired up the kids in groups of two (yeah, I realized that a pair is a group of two), and had each one say out loud something nice about their partner and then had the partner do the same.
I’d like to think that I gave over some important lessons, but who knows?
Ponder this, and feel free to comment…if you had a short time with your son/daughter’s peers and wanted to give over some ideas that are important to you, what would they be?
24 years ago this Shabbos Chanuka…
…I had my Bar Mitzvah. A few thoughts come to mind:
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I used a manual typewriter for my speech
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When I spoke about this Haftorah and the importance of dedicating oneself to religion I would have never thought that 3.5 years later I would take steps towards a Torah observant lifestyle
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Brown isn’t my color
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I rocked the Run DMC glasses before Run DMC
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The DJ played “Mr. Roboto” and “Rock the Casbah”
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I had a lot of family come in from out of town
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A Bar Mitzvah kiddush meant good cake and not Tam Tams
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When you are 13, Musaf seem to take forever from the Bimah
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That day after shul I went home and played my Atari 5200, this week after shul I’ll learn Chumash with my son
Thoughts from a drive down the street
Monday night, Erev Chanukah , I drove up the ten or eleven blocks to the supermarket. It was dark. Well, with the exception of a few token flashing lights and lawn decorations along the way, maybe a total of 2 per block.
I drove past each home thinking that come Tuesday night on this same avenue the majority of the homes I was passing would have lit menorahs in the windows. In the span of (at the time) less than 20 hours there would be light. I look forward to walking to shul Shabbos night and truly appreciate living in a community with so many menorahs shining out of the homes.
It’s a good feeling to know that soon I would be lighting my menorah. I look forward to it each year. For me there is a connection between the past, present, and future when I light. To be able to attach myself to a mitzvah that so physically represents something from the times of the Beis Hamikdash kind of blows me away. I know that these thoughts are less than original, but this is what I was thinking about the other night. Freilechen Chanukah!
