Category Archives: lessons

My favorite/least favorite Chofetz Chaim moshel

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The Chofetz Chaim said over the following moshel:
A successful business owner once ran into a friend who had, also, been succcessful, but recently his business had gone under. The fellow who’s business had suffered asked his friend, “Would you be able to lend me a thousand rubles?”
The wealthy man said, “That is an extremely large amount of money to lend out.”
The now poor man said, “I know, I know. It’s just that I heard about an amazing business investment and I know that if I can get in at the bottom floor I can regain my lost fortune.”
Well, after some more discussion the one thousand rubles were loaned out. They agreed that after one year the money would be repaid. The former business tycoon took the money home and put it away in a drawer and left it alone.
One year later, a knock on the door brings these two men together again. Our wealthy business owner comes by to collect is thousand rubles. His friend opens up the drawer and gives back the money.
The wealthy examines the money he is given and is strartled. He notices that it’s the exact same money, down to the order it was given in. He exclaims, “What kind of joke is this? You begged me to help you invest in a business that would yeld a great fortune. You just took the money and put it away. You blew an unbelievable opportunity.”
We are all given an opporutnity to make an investment for a given amount of time in this world. We have countless investments that we can make with our neshamos. Imagine how Hashem feels when we do not use the gives he has given us…so says the Chofetz Chaim.
I love this moshel and, yet, it is my least favorite moshel to read or think about. In truth, I’ve been thinking about it all month. It speaks to my neshama and, yet, I can’t stand it. It hits way to close to home, and that’s the problem. It’s like that friend you really don’t want to see because he sees through your schtick and excuses for not tapping into your potential.
As I look back I see certain ways that I have grown. I also, more clearly, see opportunities missed, chances not taken. My wife and I spoke last night about the idea of regrets and choices we’ve made. There are always “what ifs” about certain decisions we make. What’s more difficult to face is when you are in a situation and the question is “what now”?
I know that I am truly blessed to be exactly were I am in life, right now. Yet, I wonder if I have used the ‘rubles’ given to me wisely? This kind of thinking can get one down, I know. Then I look at this this Norman Rockwell print (my father actually gave me a lithograph of this print back in 1988) titled “BLANK CANVAS”.
For me, it’s great mussar. All the tools are there: the paint and the paper. There’s even a stack of sketches for possible illustrations. The choice is up to the artist. The choice is up to me. What do I want to create this year for the King of Kings? What is my mindset or my attitude?
Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. –Thomas Jefferson
I thank you for reading and I wish you and your family a K’siva V’Chasima Tova. May we all have a year of inspiration, simcha, and Geulah!

Taking a moment…

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While there is always room for improvement, I must say that I recently took a moment to appreciate several good things in life. This started Sunday afternoon when I was driving home from a Bar Mitzvah. I was thinking about how fortunate I was to have heard Ruby Harris sing and play guitar.

Then, the car in front of me had a flat tire. Seeing it made me feel thankful that, while my car occasionally doesn’t start (if it was a Transformer, my car would be called Jumpstart), it was, all in all (with the exception of something getting caught in the engine last summer) a good purchase.

I then thought about what a nice Shabbos I had. Recently my Uberwife and I decided to try to make individualized time for our kids. One when out to get school supplies with Mrs. Uberdox and another recently got a day at the ‘beauty parlor’ (really just a haircut for our 5 yr old Uberdaughter).

So this past Shabbos night I at 9:30 PM I found myself with my son. Everyone else had gone to bed. We read stories, shmoozed about things, and had a great time. I hope that by spending more “Abba and Me” time with my kids, beautiful memories will pop into my head the next time someone runs in the house, shouts, doesn’t throw something away, wakes up little Uberbaby, or wakes their parents up. I can only hope that as I get closer to the Yom HaDin, Hashem recalls the ‘good times’.

As I got closer to home I thought about our almost 11 month old. She always has a smile and does totally radical things (yeah, I use the word ‘radical’) like puts one hand up in the air and says, “Ta Da” when she does something she’s proud of. She also just figured out how to ‘fake-snore’ and totally cracks herself up when she does it.

Then, just the other day, Mrs. Uberdox found for me, what might be, the ultimate Shabbos/Yom Tov shirt (total chessed on her part).

As I think about people I know who are sick/have sick relatives, are missing parnassah, need shiduchim, and just seem to have everything go wrong, I realize that it is, truly, important to realize what I should be thankful for.

Parshas Shoftim

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And it will be, when he sits upon his royal throne, that he shall write for himself two copies of this Torah on a scroll from [that Torah which is] before the Levitic kohanim. (Devarim 17:18)

Rashi on the pasuk:And it will be, when he sits [upon his royal throne]. If he does this, he merits that his kingdom will remain established. — [Sifrei] two copies of this Torah-. Heb. מִשְׁנֵה הַתּוֹרָה i.e., two Torah scrolls, one that is placed in his treasury, and the other that comes and goes with him (San. 21b).
(Thanks to Chabad.org)

I’ve always (well, since I first learned the Rashi) found this Rashi to be great instruction for me (even when I find myself occasionally slipping into Deceptijew mode).

The idea that the same Torah a King keeps in his treasury is identical to the one he keeps with him at all other times is a powerful idea.

Both our public and private life as a Torah observant Jew needs to mesh.

Rav Hutner was once asked about the idea of a Jew living in two worlds (secular and religious). His answer was that if a person has an apartment in one area of town and another apartment in another area of town, that is living two lives.

If, however, you have have a home with two different room that you spend equal time in, you are still in the same world.

I’d say that if you are hanging out in your front or back yard, that would count also.

I admit, I was going to save this Rav Hutner idea for a post dealing with “Bloggers as Superheroes” which was going to discuss my views on Anonymous Bloggers vs those who blog under their names (sort of a “who is a greater hero…Spiderman vs. the Fantastic Four). As I sit here I realize that the truth is that any blogger I’ve communicated with via comments or email that uses a ‘secret identity’ has always been a mentsch. On blog or off blog, at home or at work, in shul or in line to buy diapers, greenbeans, and kishka the ideal is to hold ourselves to the same Torah wherever we are.
Good Shabbos Kodesh!

Guest post by Bob Miller, plus bonus links

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I recently asked blog commenter/poster Bob Miller about the intersection between Chassidus and Mussar. His comments follow:

Any valid form of Judaism has to deal with our motivations. Better motivation combined with factual knowledge leads to better behavior. Motivation can be based on factors like love, fear, and curiosity. All Orthodox approaches to motivation seem to be based on a combination of these factors, but the stress varies. Chassidus tends to stress love (related to HaShem’s immanence), while Mussar tends to stress fear (related to HaShem’s transcendence). Yeshivas today, regardless of which “wing” or “camp” they are in, tend to stress intellectual curiosity.

Some everyday Jewish communities seem to neglect these motivational factors, being more like large social clubs or extended families that maintain their particular ways mainly through inertia and shared experiences and not conscious thought. This situation can give their youth and even adults the spiritual blahs, leading to laxity and decline.

I think Chassidus and Mussar are complementary as each concentrates on a different primary aspect of reality. One fills in what the other largely leaves out. Joy and honest introspection may work best in combination. Of course, much depends on our personalities, too. If we’re tilted too much in one direction, a dose of something else can give us better balance (as in Rambam’s application of the golden mean).

We don’t have to be a card-carrying member of one given Orthodox faction to benefit from the truth within its approach. We also don’t have to justify the sometimes negative aspects of any faction’s behavior, including that of the one we’re in. Instead, we can draw strength from learning, internalizing, and practicing their combined Torah ideals, as appropriate, in an integrated way.

Thank you for your thoughful answer, Bob.
Maybe this blending of hashkafos is a product of living in a melting pot?

Bonus links to make you think:
A Simple Jews asks about Yerida L’Tzorich Aliya
Actions, Values, and Education by Rabbi Doron Beckerman

Heroes

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In no particular order here are a few of my heroes:


A boy who moved communities in 8th grade and rather than go to public school made the choice to finish the year in a completely new day school not knowing a single person
An adult who left a successful 20 year career with the same company to move from the Midwest to the East coast and start a new job so that his children could attend a yeshiva high school
A couple who gave up their ‘dream house’ for an apartment in the eruv
A man who decided to visit his children for Pesach by car instead of by airplane, because he could listen to more Torah tapes on a car ride than in the air
The parents who daven that their children should be shomer Torah u’Mitzvos and never forget that they are children of the King of Kings

Who are your heroes?
(A comment is nice, but just thinking about the questions is nicer)

Summer of Sequels…

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(Make slick signs here)

As I was walking through a hotel I caught a feature on CNN this past Sunday about how this summer boasts an unpresidented high number of movie sequels.
They interviewed a person representing the movie industry who said that now there is so much uncertainty in America with the war in Iraq and the upcoming presidential election (topics that are not usually covered on this blog) that movie goers are looking for stability. Audiences, he said, are looking for familiar faces and movie brands that they can count on.

He’s right, we do crave the familiar. At least, I do.

I remember hearing a tape by Rabbi Akiva Tatz (the Chicago Community Kollel brough him in to speak in 1998 and I purchased a tape) discuss the idea that ones’ neshama naturally gravitates toward mitzvos. That’s why, he said, when someone becoming observant learns a concept or a certain halacha dealing with Shabbos or Kashrus, for example, it clicks or makes sense to him or her. We feel as if we ‘knew it’ already.

It could also be why lighting the menorah and having some sort of a Pesach seder are the most common Jewish ‘rituals’ celebrated by our not-yet-Observant brothers and sisters (see this post). On a neshama level we connect with these actions.
There are time in life when I hear, see, or am reminded of something and a wave of happiness, content, or excitement comes over me.
Example: Several years ago I was able to hear Rav Shmuel Brazil daven Hallel on Simchas Torah in Yeshva Shor Yoshuv. Whenever I hear certain niggunim I am transported back to an incredible 45 minutes of intense davening and simcha.
Example: After about a year of living in Indianapolis I stumbled upon a 7-11 store. Ahhh…Slurpees! A favorite drink of mine anytime of the year. Just seeing those familar numbers “7” and “11” gave me a weird feeling of comfort. It’s the same way when we drive to New York and start seeing signs for different expressways, bridges, and tunnels.
The neshama (and in the case of Slurpees, the guf) craves what it knows…Torah and Mitzvos. It’s interesting what things we hold dear from childhood through adulthood.

So, coming back to sequels (yes, I intended to make the pun…ha-ha), this is trend of the “summer of sequels” might just be an echo of something much more deep. Thanks for reading!

It was 30 years ago today

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Orginially planned for posting on 5/25/07

I could really pen multiple posts about Star Wars: A New Hope, but in truth, it was hard to pinpoint what to write about. There are many lessons to be learned from Star Wars. Almost as hard as it was for George Lucas to actually find a movie studio for the film.

Two different rejection letters from different studios are online. Here are some quotes…

“There is no metaphysical message that 2001 contained, no salvation offered for the youths of today in the future.”

“I do not see how this picture can be inexpensively made. Essentially, there are no starring roles for important action.”

“The decision has to be if you have enough faith in the director making an expensive family adventure film. I would not go with the project.”

“A risky project — one I would not do.”
“The question, in the end, is how much faith we have in Mr Lucas’s ability to pull it all off.”
As I start projects or set goals for myself I think about the fact Star Wars might never have been made if not for persistance and vision. Fairly good lessions.
Of course, Reb Nachman did teach us never to give up!
Also check this post by PsychoToddler.
The United Artists rejection letter is available here.
The Universal rejection letter is available here.

At Risk…

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(from fotosearch.com)

This morning I was pulling into work, and saw a pair of Canadian Geese with five new gooslings. They were walking in single file formation. There was one adult goose followed by four gooslings and another adult goose following behind. Then there was the the fifth little goosling, following a foot behind, still in formation. I thought to myself, “Can geese be ‘at-risk’?”

I don’t mean to make light the issue of our kids’ being ‘at-risk’. I have posted my thoughts and concerns about the issue in the form of comments on several other blogs. It’s an important issue.

Of course, it probably means very little that a goosling is walking behind the rest of the group. The scene did hit me pretty hard, though. Even though one goosling was behind, it was still walking in formation with its’ family. This, to me, is a powerful statement.

Sadly, once in a while, I catch myself talking to my kids about what they didn’t do right. Despite coming home after a day at work, a frustrating trip to the grocery store, or even several attempts to get someone to make their bed, my kids are, B”H, like the gosslings. They stay in formation and that’s what’s important. It’s a bracha.

A Kiruv lesson from Eeyore

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“I’m telling you. People come and go in this Forest, and they say, ‘It’s only Eeyore, so it doesn’t count.’ They walk to and fro saying, ‘Ha ha!’ But do they know anything about A? They don’t. It’s just three sticks to them. But to the Educated – mark this, little Piglet- to the Educated, not meaning Poohs and Piglets, it’s a great and glorious A.” –Eeyore, summarized from The House at Pooh Corner (chapter 5)
I read this years ago and could never get it out of my mind (like most things that really are not that important).
As I get older, I find myself (at times) taking my Torah observant lifestyle for granted. Whether it’s aspect of hilchos Shabbos, which hechshers are acceptable, or events in Tanach it’s easy to forget that I also didn’t know the things I know today.
It behooves me to remember what Eeyore says. To those not blessed with the opportunities I’ve had, an ‘A’ is just three sticks.

My Breslov Moment

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Recently I moved in my office. It wasn’t a big move, just across my department from one desk to another. It did require me unplugging my computer and moving it, as well.

As I was underneath my new desk and hooking up all the plugs back into my computer tower I looked up and saw the underside of my desk. It was a perspective that I had not viewed things from before. It looked pretty much like the underside of a table, no big suprise.

I recalled playing under our dining room table when I was young and I have a destinctive memory of being 2 1/2 or 3 yrs old and eating pizza crust (I called them “pizza bones” under our dining room table in Baldwin, NY.

I, of course, remembered the classic Reb Nachman story, The Turkey Prince. If you are not familiar with it, please follow the link and then return to this posting.
After spending some time under my desk I realized that it’s easy to get caught up in having a limited perspective on things, especially if you’re under a table with a long tablecloth. I forget about things beyond my sight all too often.

When one only views things from their own vantage point (under a table) it’s easy to think that the sky ends at the top of the table. It’s easy to think that one is tall enough to touch the sky (top of the table) and one’s ego gets inflated with arrogance.

The truth is that the world beyond the underside of a table is what’s important. Whether it’s family or work. Plugging USB cords in a computer is only preparation to dealing with the work on top of my desk.

I now have a much better understanding of the wisdom of Reb Nachman.

For a deeper analysis of The Turkey Prince, I recommend reading Under the Table by Avraham Greenbaum.