Category Archives: lessons

Chinch lesson from Purim and links

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My kids and I decided that our first Shaloch Manos should be given to the principal of their day school (he lives around the corner from us). As my son and daughter (the baby stayed at home) were walking, my daughter said, “I can’t wait to see to Rabbi (name withheld). I want to pick a prize”.

The principal happens to be a very speical person. Not only does he give the kids money to put into a pushka in his home, but he also takes a picture with each kid that comes to see him, and lets them pick a small prize. My 4 1/2 yr old daughter remembered getting a prize last year.

As my daughter said the above sentence to me, I reminded her that the mitzvah is to give Shaloch Manos, not to get Shaloch Manos or prizes from others.

The ikar is to give.


Several links I enjoyed:
LIfe in Israel: Video of the Hazon Ish
A Simple Jew: Disturbing Rabbi Yisrael Salanter During Hisbodedus
Cross-Currents: Wiki-Orthodoxy and the Undervaluing of Torah

The Starbucks memo and Purim

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Howard Schultz’s “Starbuck memo” finally made the news. It’s really more of a clarion call to get back to basics for the company. Here are several quotes I found interesting:

“Our stores no longer have the soul of the past and reflect a chain of stores vs. the warm feeling of a neighborhood store.”
“Some people even call our stores sterile, cookie cutter, no longer reflecting the passion our partners feel about our coffee. In fact, I am not sure people today even know we are roasting coffee.”

“We achieved fresh roasted bagged coffee, but at what cost? The loss of aroma – perhaps the most powerful non-verbal signal we had in our stores; the loss of our people scooping fresh coffee from the bins and grinding it fresh in front of the customer, and once again stripping the store of tradition and our heritage?”

“I take full responsibility myself, but we desperately need to look into the mirror and realize it’s time to get back to the core and make the changes necessary to evoke the heritage, the tradition and the passion that we all have for the true Starbucks experience,” he said.

“The merchandise, more art than science, is far removed from being the merchant that I believe we can be and certainly at a minimum should support the foundation of our coffee heritage. Some stores don’t have coffee grinders, French presses from Bodum, or even coffee filters.”
“I have said for 20 years that our success is not an entitlement and now it’s proving to be a reality. Let’s be smarter about how we are spending our time, money and resources. Let’s get back to the core. Push for innovation and do the things necessary to once again differentiate Starbucks from all others.”
At times I can see how my own Torah observance as become similar to the current ‘Starbucks experience’. I often wonder if I have become victim of ‘cookie-cutter chain-store’ Yiddishkeit?Has the ‘merchandise’ of my observance become more important that actual mitzvah observance? Has my personality been brushed aside to fit into a certain mold?
“Back to the core” is a phrase that Schultz uses twice. I his message to timely, as on Purim we also get “back to the core” as manifested in our reacceptance of the Torah.
We all come up with costumes for our kids and ourselves. Is more effort put into hiding who we are than revealing what is truly inside us?
As I look at the four mitzvos of Purim I realized they hint to some of the basics of Torah Judaism.
Hearing the reading of the Book of Esther: Not only listen, but understand what it says
Giving monetary gifts to the poor: Do a chessed for someone who needs it
Giving two prepared food gifts to at least one other person: Reach out for the sake of reaching out
Eating a festive Purim meal: Let your soul and body serve Hashem with joy.
I’ve always found in interesting that one can fullfill the mitzvah of shaloch manos with two different types of food that fall under the same bracha (like a can of Coke and some prepared salmon). From a bracha point a view the foods are the same, yet have very different characteristics. Each person is also, on the surface, similar, yet we each have different personalities.
As I experience Purim this year I’m looking forward to getting back to my core! Have a safe and Freilichen Purim and may we see our galus end today!
Howard Schultz’s memo can be read here.
Another good read is a recent posting by A Simple Jew titled Doing What We Do Best.
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Added parsha bonus:
This weeks’ parsha deals with the bedgai kenuna and specifically the extra four accessories worn by the Kohen Gadol. Sefer HaChinuch (mitzvah 99) states that the Kohen Gadol would only wear his garments on Yom Kippur. It was then put away and the following year he wore a new one. I believe the reasoning behind this was so he would become desensitzed to the importance of wearing the clothing of the Kohen Gadol.
We all have some favorite piece of clothing. It could be a sweater, shirt, or a pair of shoes. Imagine how we’d feel if we could only wear it once a year?
Mitzvos are often referred as ‘clothing for the neshama’. I use this lesson from the Chinuch to try to have a feeling of newness to those mitzvos that I perform everyday. It’s not easy, and most of the time I fall short of my goal, but I attempt. Gut Shabbos Kodesh

Carpool Conversation

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The following conversation occurred a few days ago as I drove my 4 yrs old daughters’ carpool home from school. We had just dropped off our first passenger and were in route to drop off the second one when my daughter said…

Uberdaughter: Abba, (name withheld) left something in the car. We have to give it to her, it’s a mitzvah.
Me: That’s right, Uberdaughter. It’s the mitzvah of Hashovas Avedah, giving something back to someone who lost something. We’ll have to write you a ‘mitzvah note’ for school.
2nd Child/Passenger (soon to be dropped off): I get a ‘mitzvah note’, too.
Me: O.K., you can tell your mom when I take you home.
Uberdaughter: Oh no!! I get the mitzvah note, because I saw that (name withheld) left something. The person who sees a mitzvah and yells about it is the one who did the mitzvah for real-life and gets the mitzvah. Hashem says so.

All right, while my daughter did use some ‘hashkafic literary license’, what she said holds some truth. It actually reminded me of a great story published in the book Gut Voch, by Avrohom Barash.
The story, from page 68, titled “Everything Counts” follows:

The sister of the Vilna Gaon would often collect tzedakah for various charitable causes together with a friend. At one point the two agreed that whichever one of them would pass away first would come to the other one in a dream and relate her experiences.

When one of them left this world, she kept her word and appeared to her friend. “Tell me,” she asked, “what is it like in Gan Eden?”

“I am not prepared to tell you everything,” she replied. “But one thing I can say: everything is calculated minutely. Do you remember that one day when we were collecting for an important cause and you saw a woman across the road whom we could approach? You raised your hand and pointed her out, and I crossed the road and spoke to her. You will receeive reward for lifting your finger to point her out, while I was rewarded for having taken the trouble to cross the road and go over to her.”
My daughter was on target.

Stretching my own Bechira Point

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(from yotophoto.com)

I have a tendancy (read urge) to check my email constantly. This is a major problem for me because it takes away time from other things I should be doing. I’ve tried only checking it at designated time, but I often slip up. It’s been driving me crazy, because I have no problem not eating any dairy for several hours after I’ve eaten meat. I have no urge to turn on light during Shabbos. Yet, I’ve struggled to not go online and check email for periods of a few hours. My Yetzer gets the bets of me.

Over the past few weeks, though, I’ve been slowly working on this. It has resulted in less time spent online (which is not a bad thing) and has been a good exercise in adjusting my own bechira point. At age 36, I have found myself, again, changing aspects of my behavior, I’m proud to write (it should be chizuk to anyone who needs it to change even the most mudane aspect of their personality).

For me things like going online (and other actions that are potenial unproductive and suck away my time from right under my nose) are really ‘pareve’ issues that I often fool myself into thinking don’t matter much and don’t require that much bechira to begin with. This is not the right way to think. I admit that I need to work on this.

The method I’ve been using was based on something I read a few years ago in Alan Morinis’ book Climbing Jacob’s Ladder. The book tells the true story of a man who grew up non-observant and his journey towards self-discovery that takes him to Rabbi Yechiel Yitzchok Perr, Rosh Yehsiva of Yeshiva of Far Rockaway, the tradition of mussar, and towards a Torah observant life.

Mr. Morinis writes (page 47) that after his initial meeting with Rav Perr he asked the Rosh Yeshiva for a mussar practice to work on. Rabbi Perr said “Well, what you can do is get a rubber band that’s big enough to fit around the palm of your hand. Keep it in your pocket, and when you feel impatient or angry, slip it on. No need to do anything more, just put it on.”
I decided to use this technique to me more aware of when I felt the urge to go check my email. It hasn’t been easy. It has help me become much more conscious of the choices I make. Not just checking email, but how I speak to others and being patient.
I’ve been keeping a chart of my progress and tracking the times that I’ve wanted to check email. Here’s last weeks:
Monday: No work
Tuesday: 9.:25, 10:04, 3:28
Wednesday: 11:36, 2:31
Thursday: 10:18 (no rubberband, 3:47 (no rubberband)
Friday: 11:45 (no rubber band)
On Tuesday and Wednesday last week I put on the rubber band. As you can see, by Thursday, I felt that I didn’t need it. It just sat in my pocket. It’s a great feeling knowing that I can change.

Results of my "Question to JBloggers"

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Pic taken at the Museum of Science and Industry
in Chicago on 12/24/06

Thanks for all the comments. As pointed out, my ‘age posting’ was the most commented posting in Modern Uberdox history. Well, the average age of my readers is 38.4 years old. I really am surprised that it’s so close to my own age (36). With that being said, the results were not what I expected.
Originally I had hoped that my blog survey would highlight blogs as a kind of a bridge between generations of Jews. In theory, this was a nice idea. It would have added another positive aspect of Jblogging to the mix. The best bridge between generations is our Torah.
Jblogs are a great vehicle for yidden to have an opportunity to read other views on different hashkafos (read legitimate forms of avodas hashem). In a way Jblogs do help some generations understand what frum people deal with and what is on our collective mind.

I did find something that I thought was interesting, although I’m curious if it applies to other blogs besides mine. I realized that I have very few readers who fall into the Baby Boom generation (those born between 1943 to 1960).
I’ve got a majority of Gen Xers, a few Millennials and 6 or 7 readers who are at the edge of baby boomers and the Silent Generation who just turned 60.
What happened to the readers between the ages of 42-60?Are the Baby Boomers simply busier with families and careers? Are they inclined to use the web mostly for business related matters? (I know I have a lot of questions)
I look around and wonder who is successfully doing the fundraising for our institutions? Who is spearheading chessed campaigns and projects? Is it the Gen Xer? Eventually it will be. Those who are being honored at yeshiva and communal dinners are mostly the Baby Boomers. To me they seem to be at the head of communal involvement.

Blogging is fun. I enjoy writing and the allure of having an audience gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling, I admit. But I have found myself thinking even before I posted my Question for JBloggers, does my blogging comes at the expense of my own personal involvement within my Jewish community?
Is it the Baby Boomers who haven’t picked up on the medium of blogs or do they know something that I don’t? Time will tell. For now, I continue to write and hopefully will get more involved off-line, as well. Thanks for reading.
If anyone is interested in reading more about generations and their impact on history I suggest anything by William Strauss and Neil Howe or check out fourthturning.com.

The Menorah in the Window…

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I admit, this posting has been sitting in my head for over a week now. I thought it would float away, but it hasn’t.

I find myself constantly seeing menorahs in many different windows.

I actually started seeing them about 3 weeks ago. The first one was in Skokie, IL. The menorah was painted on the window of a pizzeria/sports bar. This menorah was, of course, accompanied by the familiar “Happy Chanuah” painted message, to their Jewish customers. I couldn’t decide if I was supposed to laugh or cry. Then I saw several more in other windows of completely non-kosher eating establishments.

The lighting of the menorah and a ‘traditional’ seder on Pesach are the two most common rituals among our not-yet-observant brothers and sisters. I’ve always thought it ironic that the lighting of the menorah is such a common tradition. The menorah is the symbol of Torah shebal peh, our Oral Law. Our acceptance of this Oral Law is a cornerstone in what helps define the Torah Observant Jew. Yet, it ends on some odd windows. Why?

I think that seeing a menorah painted on a window of “The Villiage Pizzeria” or Burger King does help our brothers and sisters connect with Judaism.
I recently was reading the Sfas Emes and found something amazing. He says that that certain wicks are pasul for use to light neiros on Shabbos, yet acceptable for use on Chanukah. The Sfas Emes says that Chanukah can penetrate a neshama in a way that Shabbos can’t. Chanukah reaches the essence of a yid.
The Thursday before Chanukah I had to go to the post office. The woman at the counter in front of me was having a conversation with the postal officer (who wasn’t going postal). It went like this…
Postal worker: Are you getting ready for the holidays?
Woman: Yeah, Chanukah starts tomorrow night. My boyfriend wants me to light the candles and the whole thing.
Postal worker: That must be nice.
Woman: I guess so. My boyfried isn’t Jewish, so the whole thing is new to him. The truth is that I really don’t want to do it. I haven’t said the blessings in years. I remember my mom mumbling the blessings, but she really didn’t know the words either. I guess I’ll fake it.
Sad, isn’t it? My 4 year old knows the brachos and even what the Greeks did to the Beis Hamikdash (“They put piggies in and stautes”). This grown adult doesn’t even know that much. It’s not her fault. She falls into the category of a Tinuk Shenishba.
I got out of line and ran to my car. I came back into the post office as the woman was leaving and said, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. Would you like this box of candles. The blessings are in English on the back of the box.”
She smiled and said thanks. I don’t always carry extra candles with me (although I have in the past). I actually had just bought them for our kids, but it’s no big deal to give a 19 cent box of candles to another Jew.
I don’t write this to blow my own shofar. I write it make a point. What I did wasn’t special, it’s just my personality.
There are Jews everywhere who just don’t get it. They never had the opportunity to learn what we know. Or the learned it, but it was shoved down their throats and it tasted gross. Every day I daven for an opportunity to be a klei to bring others closer to Hashem. That day, I happened to have my eyes and ears open. It doesn’t always work out, but sometimes it does.
Last Shabbos night my son and I walked to shul the ‘long way’. I wanted to see some of the windows in our neighborhood. Home after home with menorahs in the windows. I said to my son, “I am very happy. Do you know why?”
He answered, “Because we live in Jewish neighborhood, and Baruch Hashem, there are a lot of menorahs around.”
He, of course, was right. Chanukah is almost over, but the reality is that where are always wicks that are waiting to be lit.

‘Mapquest Yiddishkeit’

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Don’t let the title throw you off, just stick this one out for a minute or two. I’ve been living in Chicago for nine months now, and I really have no clue about where things are geographically. I don’t really use a map anymore, I use Mapquest. I can tell you what exit I need to take to get to a museum, or how many miles I need to go until I turn left to get to someone’s house, but I can’t place too many locations on a map. I’ve become a product of what I’d like to call the ‘Mapquest generation’.

I contrast this with living in New York (1991-1997) where, I felt, I had a pretty good grasp of where thing were in each borough and Long Island (with the exception of a few neighborhoods in Brooklyn and all of Jersey). The main reason that I knew how to get places was because I used maps, not Mapquest. I knew streets as streets, and what was located nearby because I used a map.

With Mapquest one only knows how to get to their location, not what else is around the area.
I think there is a difference between knowing the directions of how to get to a hashkafic location and knowing where ones’ hashkafa is relation to other hashkafos.

I just hope I don’t raise a generation of ‘Mapquest Jews’. What I mean is Jews who know only how to get to their own derach and don’t see where they are in relation to other acceptable avenues and streets of Torah Judaism. Understanding where you are holding and respecting other is key how we function with a frum society.

The ‘Maquest model’ does have some redeeming value. For me it can serve a very useful function. When I am not on target with my Avodas Hashem, there is value in just getting basic directions to where I need to go, without the details of the surrounding area.

I know there are areas in which I slack. Davening b’tsibur is a challenge for me, at times. Applying the Mapquest approach would mean that I should focus only on my destination, in this case getting to a minyan. Where I am, in relation to others, in Avodas Hashem is only important in terms of chizuk.

It says in Peirkei Avos, “Ha Makir Es Makomo”, one should know ones’ place.

The truth within the joke

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Two weeks ago my 7 year old told me the following joke that he had heard in school.
“What did the banana say to the apple?”
“I don’t know,” I replied
“Nothing. Fruit can’t speak”, my son answered.

That same day the Agudah Israel convention spoiler was published in the Yated concerning blogs and attacks on Daas Torah.
That night I thought about the joke my son told me. He’s right, fruit can’t speak. However, people can.

Several bloggers quickly posting about the Agudah’s statement about certain types of blogs. I chose a different route. I sent an email that night to an Agudath employee and the next morning I had a reply waiting for me in my email’s inbox.

Fruit can’t speak. People can.

Jewish life outside of my Dalet Amos

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I had a unique opportunity to meet a former national president of Hadassah this past Sunday. While she is not Torah observant, she said she was a “strong supporter of Israeli and American Jewish causes, and sensitive to Orthodox issues”.

She told me that she lives in West Palm Beach, FL and that it is the fastest growing Jewish community in the United States. I said that make sense with Palm Beach being close in proximity to Boca Raton, which is the largest growing Orthodox community in America.

This nice woman, who is 82 years old, then proudly told me that there are so many day schools and shuls where she lives. She said that without exception all movements within Judaism are moving to the right. No matter if its spirituality, taking on a new mitzvah, or studying the Torah, she said, reform and conservative Jews are moving more to the right, trying to catch up to people like me (Torah Observant, if you hadn’t guessed). She claims that this move to the right has been happening for decades, but now it’s more public because being Jewish has been accepted by the media as an ‘in thing’.

This got me thinking about our own Torah observant communities. I’ll tell you the truth, the first thing that comes to mind is trend of taking on more chumros. Moving to the right doesn’t have to mean that we become more extreme or take on an attitude of stringency. Moving to the right might just be our way of gravitating towards the goal of become an Am Kodesh.

Some positive moves recently have been the growing number of chessed and sh’miros halashon programs, the number of shiurim available in shuls or as MP3s, the increased number of tehillim groups, a multitude of gemachs, and increased levels of tzedaka.

Perhaps the shift to the right that is taking place outside the Dalet Amos of the Torah observant Jewish community is due to the strengthening of own Avodas Hashem?

Or maybe, it’s the other way. Maybe Hashem is helping our non-observant brothers and sisters move more to the right in order to motivate us to move close to Hashem, as well.