Category Archives: Avodas Hashem

Expanding Rubber Bands

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(Picture taken at the Museum of Science
and Industry in Chicago on 12/24/06)
In my previous post, , A Simple Jew commented: Have you found a positive action to replace the “negative” action of checking your e-mail so often?
The most obvious result of “Rubber Band Mussar”, in my case, is a more focused day in the workplace, more quality time with my family, more time to open a sefer, and an understanding of the difference between what I want and what I need. These, in and of themselves, are positive actions, however they are secondary.

The most obvious positive action is ….Awareness.
I’ve quoted this before, but in second chapter of Mesillas Yesharim it states that:
THE IDEA OF WATCHFULNESS is for a man to exercise caution in his actions and his undertakings; that is, to deliberate and watch over his actions and his accustomed ways to determine whether or not they are good, so as not to abandon his soul to the danger of destruction, God forbid, and not to walk according to the promptings of habit as a blind man in pitch darkness.
No one wants to be a robot (although the life size Robbie the Robot pictured above was pretty cool), or a slave to habit. I sure don’t! The awareness of my addiction to checking email has, ironically, helped to stop me from acting robotic and doing things simply by rote. However, it’s more that just being aware of the choice I make to go or not go online. It’s a learning process and I am becoming much more aware of my behavior in general. It’s not so easy.
Example:
Last week my wife asked me to go bring in some milk from the car. I “stopped for a second” to check my email on the way and found myself sitting at the computer for 15 minutes. It was 32 degrees outside and the milk was fine, but that’s not the point. My wife asked me to do a simple thing and I let myself get distracted. That’s the point. I should not have touched the computer when I had something else to do. I could have used a rubber band then (of course now everyone at home is ready to shoot rubber bands at me thanks to my new mussar exercise). Things that so natural are the things that I often don’t make conscious decisions about.
With that being said, after being Torah observant for 19 years, I find myself doing some things by rote and it bothers me. I try to keep myself in check most of the time, but an automated Shemona Esray here, the conditioned response of an “amen” there, a half-hearted “Gut Shabbos” to a stranger just to be yotzai for saying “Gut Shabbos”, well…it adds up. It’s something I’m not true happy with, but at least I’m aware of it. I find myself these days being much more careful before I speak and aware of how best to use my time.
Like I wrote, no one wants to be robot. Not when I come to email (and the urge to read email is totally in full force after a posting goes up) and certainly not when it come to my Avodas Hashem.
Mediocrity is my enemy. Becoming comfortable with my Yiddishkeit not only pushes me away from Hashem, but from a chinuch aspect, it’s like the black plauge. Our children pick up on everything we do (I’ll write more about this in a future post). I remember listening to the lady at the post office say that her mother mumbled the blessings on Chanukah, and thinking that this is not how I want my children to remember their childhood and our Torah observant way of life.
As mentioned before, I have found myself become much more aware of everything I do. I find myself questioning if it’s “what I really need to do right now” and thinking about my actions. I recall certain thoughts and feelling I had when I decided start wearing a yarmulka in public. How careful I was about my manner of speech and behavior. Sometimes I feel that I have become too comfortable with who I am and my yiddishkeit, and it worries me.
When I wrote my previous post I really didn’t think that this rubberband thing would end up making me really examine my actions so much. I’m happy that I’m able to grow from my blogging, and in this case, with the help of several comments.
Last night I heard something that really made me angry. Well, at least I was aware that I could have become angry. Without missing a beat, I stuck my hand in my pocket and felt my trusty rubber band. Later my wife commented that she was actually surprised that I wasn’t more upset. Awareness of my actions saved me from losing my cool, this time.
Yet again, later that night, I went to check my email and realized that I stayed online longer that I needed to. Each opportunity is a challenge and a battle, but that’s alright. I fight, fall, and get up again.
Over the past few months (especially in the summer) I’ve felt that my ‘hobbie’ of blogging and reading other blogs has taken up a major amount of my time. I can say now, since I’ve become more mindful of the little things I do, I feel a new found sense of freedom about my hobbie. It’s important to realize what I am a slave to.

Results of my "Question to JBloggers"

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Pic taken at the Museum of Science and Industry
in Chicago on 12/24/06

Thanks for all the comments. As pointed out, my ‘age posting’ was the most commented posting in Modern Uberdox history. Well, the average age of my readers is 38.4 years old. I really am surprised that it’s so close to my own age (36). With that being said, the results were not what I expected.
Originally I had hoped that my blog survey would highlight blogs as a kind of a bridge between generations of Jews. In theory, this was a nice idea. It would have added another positive aspect of Jblogging to the mix. The best bridge between generations is our Torah.
Jblogs are a great vehicle for yidden to have an opportunity to read other views on different hashkafos (read legitimate forms of avodas hashem). In a way Jblogs do help some generations understand what frum people deal with and what is on our collective mind.

I did find something that I thought was interesting, although I’m curious if it applies to other blogs besides mine. I realized that I have very few readers who fall into the Baby Boom generation (those born between 1943 to 1960).
I’ve got a majority of Gen Xers, a few Millennials and 6 or 7 readers who are at the edge of baby boomers and the Silent Generation who just turned 60.
What happened to the readers between the ages of 42-60?Are the Baby Boomers simply busier with families and careers? Are they inclined to use the web mostly for business related matters? (I know I have a lot of questions)
I look around and wonder who is successfully doing the fundraising for our institutions? Who is spearheading chessed campaigns and projects? Is it the Gen Xer? Eventually it will be. Those who are being honored at yeshiva and communal dinners are mostly the Baby Boomers. To me they seem to be at the head of communal involvement.

Blogging is fun. I enjoy writing and the allure of having an audience gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling, I admit. But I have found myself thinking even before I posted my Question for JBloggers, does my blogging comes at the expense of my own personal involvement within my Jewish community?
Is it the Baby Boomers who haven’t picked up on the medium of blogs or do they know something that I don’t? Time will tell. For now, I continue to write and hopefully will get more involved off-line, as well. Thanks for reading.
If anyone is interested in reading more about generations and their impact on history I suggest anything by William Strauss and Neil Howe or check out fourthturning.com.

The 26th Yartzeit of Rav Hutner zt’l

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Today, the 20th of Kislev, is the Yarzeit of Rav Yitzchok Hutner, zt’l. In memory of the former Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Chaim Berlin, there is an excellent article writen in the Yated. Here is an excerpt:
He never forgot the private individual; he gave of his soul to others and not just his time. Once, someone asked him for a decision in a complicated personal matter, and after a long while Rav Hutner told him he still did not have an answer. He explained: “In my Chumash it says, `Love your neighbor as yourself.’ This commandment requires a man to relate to a question from another as if it were his own question, and how he would behave in such a situation. True advice comes only from such empathy. You turned to me in your time of trouble, but it takes time until I can bring myself to live in your situation.”

Once, an avreich came to ask advice for a cure for the despair that bothered him in his avodas Hashem. Rav Hutner explained the difference between pain and despair: “Despair is being tired of living. Become alive and automatically there will be no place for despair! You can either emphasize the recognition of despair, or arouse the vitality that comes from faith in the holiness of a Jew in any situation that might be. If you live with this foundation of faith you will become living person!”
The entire article can be found here.

Over the years as I have met individuals who learned by Rav Hutner I have heard several lesser know stories about him. Here are a few:

On morning Rav Hutner took several of his tamidim from Chaim Berlin in his car (with his driver) for a ride to Prospect Park (Brooklyn) on a crisp October day. They got out of the car and walked to the pond in the middle of the park. Rav Hutner instructed the group of 3 bochrim to look at the lake and pointed out that you could see the bottom of the pond. “This mind of the Chazon Ish is as clear as this lake”, Rav Hutner said. Then they returned to Chaim Berlin.

Before shofar blowing (right before musaf) on Rosh Hashana, Rav Hutner once asked a student in the yeshiva to go check on another student who was in the dorms due to an illness. Of course the student when to check on his ill friend. After davening he returned to let the Rosh Yeshiva know about his sick classmate. As I heard it, the bochur asked Rav Hutner about the halachic problems of missing shofar on Rosh Hashana. Rav Hutner replied, “Do you think that on Rosh Hashana Hashem sees any difference between mitzvos bein adam l’chavero and bein adam l’makom?”

As yeshiva was let out late one afternoon several boys were standing in front of Chaim Berlin as the Rosh Yeshiva and his wife left the building and walked toward their car (which was waiting for them). One boy opened up the front door of the car for Rav Hutner and then opend up the be back door for the Rebbitzen. Rav Hutner looked at the the young man, tapped his cane on the ground (for effect) and said, in perfect Oxford English, “What, pray tell, do you think you are doing?”
The boy replied, “I just wanted to open the car door for the Rosh Yeshiva.”
Rav Hutner then said, “What makes you think that I don’t want to sit with my wife? Remember this: No one or nothing ever comes between a husband and a wife”.

‘Mapquest Yiddishkeit’

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Don’t let the title throw you off, just stick this one out for a minute or two. I’ve been living in Chicago for nine months now, and I really have no clue about where things are geographically. I don’t really use a map anymore, I use Mapquest. I can tell you what exit I need to take to get to a museum, or how many miles I need to go until I turn left to get to someone’s house, but I can’t place too many locations on a map. I’ve become a product of what I’d like to call the ‘Mapquest generation’.

I contrast this with living in New York (1991-1997) where, I felt, I had a pretty good grasp of where thing were in each borough and Long Island (with the exception of a few neighborhoods in Brooklyn and all of Jersey). The main reason that I knew how to get places was because I used maps, not Mapquest. I knew streets as streets, and what was located nearby because I used a map.

With Mapquest one only knows how to get to their location, not what else is around the area.
I think there is a difference between knowing the directions of how to get to a hashkafic location and knowing where ones’ hashkafa is relation to other hashkafos.

I just hope I don’t raise a generation of ‘Mapquest Jews’. What I mean is Jews who know only how to get to their own derach and don’t see where they are in relation to other acceptable avenues and streets of Torah Judaism. Understanding where you are holding and respecting other is key how we function with a frum society.

The ‘Maquest model’ does have some redeeming value. For me it can serve a very useful function. When I am not on target with my Avodas Hashem, there is value in just getting basic directions to where I need to go, without the details of the surrounding area.

I know there are areas in which I slack. Davening b’tsibur is a challenge for me, at times. Applying the Mapquest approach would mean that I should focus only on my destination, in this case getting to a minyan. Where I am, in relation to others, in Avodas Hashem is only important in terms of chizuk.

It says in Peirkei Avos, “Ha Makir Es Makomo”, one should know ones’ place.

Jewish life outside of my Dalet Amos

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I had a unique opportunity to meet a former national president of Hadassah this past Sunday. While she is not Torah observant, she said she was a “strong supporter of Israeli and American Jewish causes, and sensitive to Orthodox issues”.

She told me that she lives in West Palm Beach, FL and that it is the fastest growing Jewish community in the United States. I said that make sense with Palm Beach being close in proximity to Boca Raton, which is the largest growing Orthodox community in America.

This nice woman, who is 82 years old, then proudly told me that there are so many day schools and shuls where she lives. She said that without exception all movements within Judaism are moving to the right. No matter if its spirituality, taking on a new mitzvah, or studying the Torah, she said, reform and conservative Jews are moving more to the right, trying to catch up to people like me (Torah Observant, if you hadn’t guessed). She claims that this move to the right has been happening for decades, but now it’s more public because being Jewish has been accepted by the media as an ‘in thing’.

This got me thinking about our own Torah observant communities. I’ll tell you the truth, the first thing that comes to mind is trend of taking on more chumros. Moving to the right doesn’t have to mean that we become more extreme or take on an attitude of stringency. Moving to the right might just be our way of gravitating towards the goal of become an Am Kodesh.

Some positive moves recently have been the growing number of chessed and sh’miros halashon programs, the number of shiurim available in shuls or as MP3s, the increased number of tehillim groups, a multitude of gemachs, and increased levels of tzedaka.

Perhaps the shift to the right that is taking place outside the Dalet Amos of the Torah observant Jewish community is due to the strengthening of own Avodas Hashem?

Or maybe, it’s the other way. Maybe Hashem is helping our non-observant brothers and sisters move more to the right in order to motivate us to move close to Hashem, as well.

My once a month crazy habit

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It’s human nature to want what we can’t have. Usually when we get what we want the value of that which we desired is diminished in our eyes. The phrase “familiarity breeds contempt” comes to mind.

Within the first week of every month, when I’m at a grocery store or drug store (preferably CVS) I look at the candy aisle. I always try to make sure that there are not other Torah observant Jews around (due to Moris Eyin issues) and pick up a package of Skittles. I quickly turn it over and look toward the end of the ingredient list to see if it has an OU and then put it back with it’s friends on the shelf.

The rumor was, ever since M&M’s got an OU in the mid 90s, that the OU would pursue certification for Skittles in the future. There are very few foods, if any, that I miss after keeping kosher almost 18 years (over half my life, which is pretty cool). I was, actually, never a big fan of Skittles. Yet I check.
I guess, as I think and write about this seemingly-trivial-issue it boils down, like a good pot of Shabbos soup, to two things:

1) Do I really miss something that, in the big scheme of things, plays no really role in my Avodas Hashem?

2) Hey, I’ve survived this long without it. That’s not too shabby.

Both of these items might become future posting material, as in my mind, they contain hashkafic concepts that I sometime forget about.

This is not a blog posting

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REVISED:

I once saw a great band t-shirt. The t-shirt said: THIS IS NOT A FUGAZI T-SHIRT. That was the whole shirt. IMHO this was a great marketing technique. It was a commercially non-commercial way to promote the band. Ironically, the t-shirt was not an official band produced shirt, as the band was totally against comercial marketing.

Ever since I’ve been reading blogs and, for sure since the inception of this blog, I’ve been impressed with those bloggers who post on a daily basis. I admire it and, at times, wish I had the diligence to do the same. Blogs (don’t feel bad if I don’t mention yours) such as A Simple Jew, Hirhurim, Emes Ve-Emunah, Serandez, Psycho Toddler, or BeyondBT serve up fresh postings on a daily basis. No only are the postings well written, but make one think and grow as a Jew. One of the keys to a successful blog is updated content, so I’ve been told.

Since Shabbos, I’ve taken a slight break from looking at blogs (with the exception of one blog yesterday) or posting on this one. It has little to do with lack of motivation to write (Baruch Hashem) and more to do with increasing my productivity outside the blogosphere.

Of course, in the next day or two, when I revert to looking at blogs, I’ll have a million posts on my google reader to go through, but that’s alright. To those that post daily…Kol Hakavod.

Postscript: The truth is that what I thought to be a cute title and post is really not so cute. To attempt to sensationalize my day to day life and spin it into something more than it is, is really norishkeit. As pointed out to me by a reader, this posting adds nothing to my own Avodas Hashem and is not in keeping with the themes and topics that I normally write about. To that reader, I say thanks!

Skateboarding, reflecting, and Rosh Hashanah

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A few weeks ago, on Labor Day, my family met up with a few other families for a barbeque at a park in the northern suburbs of Chicago. This park has plenty of room to run, a baseball diamond, and great climbing equipment. If that wasn’t enough, this park also had, as an added bonus,a skateboard park. I couldn’t resist bring my old skateboard with me (along with my helmet, which is a must for chinuch purposes).
After eating, I decided to bring out my old skateboard. Now, I’m not a big-time skateboarder. In high school I skated a few pools, but mostly I sticked to parking lots and the street. I mastered the ollie and a few other basic moves, but now I’m happy just pushing myself around a bit. With all this said, I proceed to skate over to the park. It wasn’t too crowded. Only half a dozen real skaters. I was, for sure, the oldest one around. I was also the only guy who brought his kids. I pushed around a little and thought about going down a steep ramp. I was all hyped up to skate. I remembered the thrill, the rush, the adrenaline of going down a ramp. I use to find it exhilarating. As I stood atop a ramp, skateboard under my feet, I stopped. I also remembered seeing (and feeling) the battle wounds of skateboarding.
I got off the ramp. I couldn’t do it. I looked at the other skaters and jumped off. I choose a tiny ramp (more of a metal foothill) and went down, ending with a perfect 360 (balancing on the back wheels and spining in circle). The potenial injury from a big ramp seemed more important that recapturing my youth or looking cool to my children. What if something happened? My family couldn’t afford for me to get hurt. I have responsibilities. It just wasn’t shiach (germane or pertainent) for me. I realized that I had outgrown the thrill. I remembered the thrill of learning the first Rashi on Chumash when I was 18. Now, that was a real rush!
What was part of my youth held no real interest for me anymore. I had outgrown it. I had exercised my free will. The urge to skateboard really wasn’t a component in who I really am, or where I need to headed. I have more important responsibilites to my family, to myself, and to my creator. I was never such a great skater to begin with. I thought about what things excite me now, and how my children will model my behavior. I began to think about other behaviors and habits that have stuck with me over the years. Maybe, with Hashem’s help, I’ll be able to realize that it’s time to outgrow a few more things.
Shabbos night, later that week I attended a tish by Rabbi Michel Twerski (from Milwaukee). It was amazing! Rav Michel had beautiful things to say which helped clarify my thoughts about responsibilites and choices. I’ll share two ideas of the Rabbi’s:
1) He spoke about how important it is that we show true simcha shel mitzvah. Even if you can’t If not for for our own neshamas, then for the sake of our children. Memories of parents who loved performing mitzvos are images that will last a lifetime.
2) Rav Michel also spoke about Elul and Rosh Hashanah. Rav Michel said that usually we are concentrating on what we’ve been doing wrong all year and how to improve ourselves. The ikar (main point) might be that we need to look at all of the brachos that our creator has given us. He said that we each have talents (music, art, writing, etc.) and we need to remember that those talents are brachos from Hashem and should be regarded as such. In truth, we have a responsibiltiy to access those talents for Avodas Hashem. This is what we need to think about when we approach judgement on Rosh Hashanah.
Then I heard what Rabbi David Orlofsky said last week in Chicago, as part of an Ohr Somayach Yom Iyun (along with Rabbi Akiva Tatz and Rabbi Berel Wein). My wife was fortunate enought to attend. She came home with tapes of the event for me to listen to (thanks, Mrs. Uberdox). The following was something that Rabbi Orlofsky said that also tied into what Rav Michel had mentioned:
We often think of Rosh Hashanah as the Day of Judgement, when Hashem opens up the books of life and death. When Hashem, who knows everything will examine our deeds. There is only one reason that we have a day of judgement, because Hashem knows that we are capable of greatness. If we set the bar really low then we don’t expect that much from ourselves. Hashem says to us each Rosh Hashanah, “You are someone great. You are capable of greatness.”Tonight, thanks to the Chicago Community Kollel, I heard Rabbi Frand speak. Thanks to my wife for letting me go. The title of his drasha was “Painting your masterpiece.” His message was very similar to that of Rav Michel and Rabbi Orlofsky (do you see a theme here)…find your potential and mission in life. I took some notes and will post what he said very soon. One thing I’ll share now is that:
At Neilah the last thing we ask mehilah for is stealing? The Ger Rebbe says Hashem gave us assets and talents and if we don’t use them we’re stealing.
I hope that over the Yomin Noraim I am able to break free of my own limitations and attempt to walk a little closer to my potential using the talents that Hashem has given me.
Kesiva V’Chasima Tova and my we all have a year of bracha, shalom, and simcha!

Quick thought on Ki Teitzei

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It says in Devarim 22:3 “…and so shall you do with any lost article of your brother that may become lost from him and you find it; you shall not hide yourself.” Rashi says that you can’t cover your eyes and pretend that it’s not there.

We have a halachic obligation to return something that a fellow Jew has lost. That’s pretty easy to understand. The end of this pasuk say that we have a separate mitzvah not to “turn a blind eye to a lost object” (to use the words of the Sefer haChinuch, Mitzvah # 539).

During the entire year, and of course, during Elul, we are given an uncountable number of mitzvah opportunities. I wonder if I really see these mitzvah opportunities as gifts from Hashem or do I pretend they are not there?

The best I can do is keep my glasses clean and look for what Hashem, in his infinite Chessed, has given me.