Smiles

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My wife and I have noticed over the past few weeks that little baby girl Uberdox has a great smile, k’ayin hara. We don’t remember the other two kids smiling so much at such a young age.

I must admit, as a parent, it’s a wonderful feeling to know that you can hold a little baby in your arms, make funny noises and faces and get a beautiful smile that lights up a room. It is true nachas.

This got me thinking about how I show joy (or don’t appreciate the tov) towards Hashem. My creator is constantly making things happen in hope of invoking a smile from me.

I’ve heard the shmuzzes and read the seforim about how “happiness is a state of mind”.
In fact, I heard on a tape by Rabbi Pesach Krohn that according to Rav Hutner, the eye interprets how we see, the ears interpret what we hear, the nose interprets what we smell (you get the idea). Rav Hunter asks, “What does the mind interpret? It senses happiness”.

I know how happy I feel when I make the newest member of our family smile. I can only guess that this parallels how Hashem must feel when I chose to smile at all the brachos that are constantly being showered upon me. I need to take a minute and smile more often.

Still hoping for more comments on the post below.

A Question for all JBloggers…

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I’m trying to do some research for a future posting. I’m trying to find out the average age of most Jbloggers or comment posters.
How old are you? Please feel free to reply as “Anonymous”. Thanks and please tell your friends.

Neil Harris: 35 (but not for much longer)

‘Mapquest Yiddishkeit’

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Don’t let the title throw you off, just stick this one out for a minute or two. I’ve been living in Chicago for nine months now, and I really have no clue about where things are geographically. I don’t really use a map anymore, I use Mapquest. I can tell you what exit I need to take to get to a museum, or how many miles I need to go until I turn left to get to someone’s house, but I can’t place too many locations on a map. I’ve become a product of what I’d like to call the ‘Mapquest generation’.

I contrast this with living in New York (1991-1997) where, I felt, I had a pretty good grasp of where thing were in each borough and Long Island (with the exception of a few neighborhoods in Brooklyn and all of Jersey). The main reason that I knew how to get places was because I used maps, not Mapquest. I knew streets as streets, and what was located nearby because I used a map.

With Mapquest one only knows how to get to their location, not what else is around the area.
I think there is a difference between knowing the directions of how to get to a hashkafic location and knowing where ones’ hashkafa is relation to other hashkafos.

I just hope I don’t raise a generation of ‘Mapquest Jews’. What I mean is Jews who know only how to get to their own derach and don’t see where they are in relation to other acceptable avenues and streets of Torah Judaism. Understanding where you are holding and respecting other is key how we function with a frum society.

The ‘Maquest model’ does have some redeeming value. For me it can serve a very useful function. When I am not on target with my Avodas Hashem, there is value in just getting basic directions to where I need to go, without the details of the surrounding area.

I know there are areas in which I slack. Davening b’tsibur is a challenge for me, at times. Applying the Mapquest approach would mean that I should focus only on my destination, in this case getting to a minyan. Where I am, in relation to others, in Avodas Hashem is only important in terms of chizuk.

It says in Peirkei Avos, “Ha Makir Es Makomo”, one should know ones’ place.

Scandal + Wrongdoing = PR Nightmare

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Sadly, people make wrong choices. Some choices that our observant brothers and sisters make seem to be brought to light in blogs, print, radio, and TV. From sexual misbehavior to financial misrepresentation to a break in trust with kashrus…we see it all, these days. While different forms of media, both Jewish and non-Jew, expose these terrible events within our communities, for me, as an observant Jew, it’s a public relations nightmare.

I, who has chosen a path of ethical and religious life, am often bombarded with questions from both non-religious relatives and non-jewish friends.
“How could a religious person do such a thing?”
“Isn’t a Rabbi a holy person?”
“Don’t you answer to a ‘higher standard’?”
“Is this what you’re raising your kids to be like?”
“Doesn’t your Torah teach you ethics?”

I’ll stop. You can probably think of half a dozen other questions. What do I do? How do I respond? I don’t really have the answers. I’ve told people the standard, “Don’t judge a religion by the people” line, but that really doesn’t cut it.

The truth is that we all have to answer for our actions. The concept of reward and punishment is fundamental to Judaism. When I’m finally judged, the excuse of, “At least I didn’t pass off non-kosher chicken for kosher,” doesn’t really matter. We are judged against ourselves and our potential.
Does anyone have any other ideas about how do deal with these issues?

How I dealt with the Agudah and Blogs

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When I first heard about the Agudah coming down on blogs, I was a bit surprised. I had a real urge to take a picture of one of the local “Agudath Israel” funded schools buses and Photoshop a bumper sticker that read “I BREAK FOR BLOGS”. While I would have found my creation quite humorous, it would not have been very Uberdox. I felt that a more direct and menshlikeit approach would be better than just blogging about how the “Agudah is picking on bloggers” (plus my kid enjoys riding the bus home from school, thanks to the Agudah).

Below is a the text of my letter to Rabbi Shafran and his reply. All in all, I was glad that I chose to directly address my concerns and I was pleased with the reply. I actually left him a voicemail thanking him for his email to me. I hope that someone will post an accurate and non-biased report of what will actually go down at the convention.

November 2, 2006

Dear Rabbi Shafran,
I’ll start off by thanking you for taking a few minutes to read this. I’m sure you’ve gotten a headaches worth of email and phone calls concerning the recent Yated article about the upcoming convention, which quotes Rabbi Zweibel as saying that:
“In recent years, though,” the Agudah leader observes, “due to a variety of factors, the authority of daas Torah has been significantly undermined, even within our own chareidi circles. Most troubling has been the proliferation of Internet ‘blogs’ where misguided individuals feel free to spread every bit of rechilus and loshon hora about rabbonim and roshei yeshiva, all with the intended effect of undermining any semblance of Torah authority in our community.”
I agree this is a major problem. I’m happy to see that it is being discussed at the Agudah convention. I am concerned though. As someone who is a “blogger”, I am worried. I’m familar with all the reasons why certain blogs are totally anti-daas Torah and, in fact, do nothing but promote chillul Hashem, sinas chinam, and a complete lack of respect towards rabbonim. I agree that those blogs are harmful to klal Yisrael.
There are blogs out there that are, in fact, similar to what is produced by Am Echad. Insightful, sensitive, timely approaches to important issues (although they are not was well written as what you write). Some blogs, such as BeyondBT.com are geared toward the baalei teshuva community and allows Torah observant Jews from across the world to discuss, learn and grow in their yiddishkeit.
I, personally, blog under my own name. I have an average of 40 readers per posting and if I was to stop my blog, I wouldn’t be missed by too many. I hope that in the Agudah’s effort to intelligently and thoughfully deal with the issues that Rabbi Zweibel has mentioned, the end result is not a complete campaign against blogging as a whole. There are plenty of ehrlich frum yidden who learning, davening, give tzedaka, teach, and help raise the next generation of Torah Jews, and happen to blog, as well.
Thank you for your time and if you feel this message should be passed along to others, please do so. I will not be able to attend the convention, but might try to join the Midwest convention. If you feel I should share my views with Rabbi Kalish or others within the Agudah leadership here in Chicago, please feel free to make any suggestion to me. Thanks again and have a great Shabbos.

Sincerely,
Neil Harris
Chicago, IL

Dear Mr. Harris,
Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful letter. I personally agree with your sentiments and will share your e-mail with others, including Rabbi Zwiebel. I think I can assure you that Agudath Israel has no complaints against blogs like yours — my own essays are occasionally posted on at least one responsible blog, Cross-Currents. There can be no question that much good is being accomplished by the web-presence of responsible, intelligent frum people… any criticism of blogs from us, as a careful reading of Rabbi Zwiebel’s statement should show, is clearly aimed at the irrresponsible and destructive ones. Again, thanks for writing, and much continued hatzlacha to you, in your blogging and in all else.
Good Shabbos,
AS

The truth within the joke

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Two weeks ago my 7 year old told me the following joke that he had heard in school.
“What did the banana say to the apple?”
“I don’t know,” I replied
“Nothing. Fruit can’t speak”, my son answered.

That same day the Agudah Israel convention spoiler was published in the Yated concerning blogs and attacks on Daas Torah.
That night I thought about the joke my son told me. He’s right, fruit can’t speak. However, people can.

Several bloggers quickly posting about the Agudah’s statement about certain types of blogs. I chose a different route. I sent an email that night to an Agudath employee and the next morning I had a reply waiting for me in my email’s inbox.

Fruit can’t speak. People can.

Jewish life outside of my Dalet Amos

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I had a unique opportunity to meet a former national president of Hadassah this past Sunday. While she is not Torah observant, she said she was a “strong supporter of Israeli and American Jewish causes, and sensitive to Orthodox issues”.

She told me that she lives in West Palm Beach, FL and that it is the fastest growing Jewish community in the United States. I said that make sense with Palm Beach being close in proximity to Boca Raton, which is the largest growing Orthodox community in America.

This nice woman, who is 82 years old, then proudly told me that there are so many day schools and shuls where she lives. She said that without exception all movements within Judaism are moving to the right. No matter if its spirituality, taking on a new mitzvah, or studying the Torah, she said, reform and conservative Jews are moving more to the right, trying to catch up to people like me (Torah Observant, if you hadn’t guessed). She claims that this move to the right has been happening for decades, but now it’s more public because being Jewish has been accepted by the media as an ‘in thing’.

This got me thinking about our own Torah observant communities. I’ll tell you the truth, the first thing that comes to mind is trend of taking on more chumros. Moving to the right doesn’t have to mean that we become more extreme or take on an attitude of stringency. Moving to the right might just be our way of gravitating towards the goal of become an Am Kodesh.

Some positive moves recently have been the growing number of chessed and sh’miros halashon programs, the number of shiurim available in shuls or as MP3s, the increased number of tehillim groups, a multitude of gemachs, and increased levels of tzedaka.

Perhaps the shift to the right that is taking place outside the Dalet Amos of the Torah observant Jewish community is due to the strengthening of own Avodas Hashem?

Or maybe, it’s the other way. Maybe Hashem is helping our non-observant brothers and sisters move more to the right in order to motivate us to move close to Hashem, as well.

Stain Resistance and Bad Midos

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I once heard an interesting approach to dealing with bad midos. The idea is that you should think about anger, depression, jealousy, or any other potentially harmful midos as outside forces that are moving towards you. To fight them you simply just imagine that they cannot get past the buttons of your shirt and bounce off of you, like a shield.

Today I was reminded of that moshel.

While driving to work this morning a car switched lanes right in front of me. Of course, without signaling. Of course, I was sipping my coffee. Of course, I spilled some coffee all over my shirt. Baruch Hashem, I was wearing a stain-resistant shirt from Old Navy that my wife bought me. The best thing about this shirt is that water and oil based liquids, like my coffee, roll right off of the fabric.

It really worked. The coffee just rolled off of my shirt. It was as if the coffee was never spilled!

Bad midos are out there. Forces, external and internal, try to make us depressed and angry. The yetzer hora constantly tries to make me lose my patience with people. I can fight it. I just need to remind myself that I, too, can be stain-resistant, like my shirt. This is the first line of defense. I just can’t let bad midos get past my buttons, or push my buttons.

A life lesson from a Babka

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Babka. Just the word make me hungry. I love a good chocolate babka (although even the best babka doesn’t hold a havadalah candle to a Zomick’s Meltaway). Whenever we go into NYC (really LI) it’s like babkapalooza for me. Or, at the very least, a babka on Shabbos. Two Shabbosim on the Coast, means two Babkas! A third Shabbos means…you get the idea. Regular or sugar-free, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s good (and their sugar-free cinnamon babka is killer).

On a previous vacation I purchased a chocolate babka for Shabbos Kodesh. Who made babka or where I purchased it isn’t important. I was happy to have a babka! Shabbos morning after I davened, I was ready to dig in! I cut a slick, chunk, section, sliver, portion, call it what you like, made by bracha and took a bite.

GOOD NIGHT!! GEVALT! I couldn’t believe what I was tasting.

Salt.

Not an overpowering amount of salt. But the chocolate babka was a shtickel salty. I was shocked.

Then I smiled. Not everything thing home-made or bakery-made should always come out the same. It’s a fresh made babka, not some frozen babka (not that I know of any). The fact that it was a little salty only reminded me that someone made it. Life is full of mistakes. Miss-calculations do occur when measuring salt. I’ve made mistakes before. I’ve never actually sold a mistake I’ve made to anyone as a delicious treat for Shabbos Kodesh, but I’ve made mistakes.

In fact, I remember thinking, I actually appreciated the babka more, knowing that it wasn’t exactly perfect.

Sometimes the babka we eat is salty. Sometimes things do not turn out the way we’d like them to. Sometimes what we bake doesn’t turn out the way we plan it to. There’s always another babka.