Category Archives: personal

IF YOU HAVE EVER ENJOYED READING THIS BLOG…

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Hi.  My name is Neil and I have a blog, which you are now reading.  If you have read any of my posts over the last five years and they have made you think, laugh, smile, give up using the web, look up something, or try to be a better person, then please consider helping me as I bike 45 miles on May 29th.

I will, for the fourth year in a row, be joining dozens of Chai Cyclists in Chicago´s Bike the Drive, a thirty-mile rally on Lake Shore Drive, to raise money for Chai Lifeline, a wonderful organization dedicated to helping very sick children and their families.

Chai Lifeline provides year-round emotional, social, and financial support to more than 3,000 children and their families every year. In our area, Chai Lifeline Midwest offers access to two-dozen free programs and services that touch each member of the family, helping them to live full and happy lives despite the presence of illness.

Last year, with your help, I was able to raise a record amount of money for Chai Lifeline.  I biked a total of 45 miles on Lake Shore Drive in downtown Chicago within 4 hours, which was personal record for me. I dedicated my biking to my father, Al Harris, of blessed memory, who had died that year of Leukemia. While it was great being able to celebrate with my wife, children, and by brother (who came to town to join us), the real victory was for those helped by Chai Lifeline by your donations.  I cannot tell you how much it meant to me and my entire family from across the country.

I have been training during the past few months indoors and I am currently training on the streets of Chicago and Skokie biking in the evenings and getting ready for the big ride. I will admit, this year, I have another goal besides raising funds to help Chai Lifeline. This year I am hoping that my bike training will not only get me in ready for the ride, but will also help me get into better physical shape for life.

Chai, mean “life”, and I have seen that that the work, love, care, and support that Chai Lifeline gives is truly a lifeline for many people. They provide so much for so many people. And now, together, we can both help them. The word “mitzvah” is derived from the Hebrew word meaning “to connect”. By sponsoring me for Bike the Drive, you are making an unbreakable connection by directly helping so many children and their families.

I have the best trainers in the world working with me…my wife and three kids. I know in the past I’ve had your support and I’m hoping you will sponsor me once again.
My objective is to raise $3,500.00 by race day and I hope you will help me reach this goal. All donations are 100% tax deductible. If your company has a matching gift program, your gift may be doubled or tripled.

Thank you for supporting me, and in doing so, helping children and their families cope with the diagnosis, treatment and aftermath of serious pediatric illness. Please feel free to forward this to anyone who might be interested in supporting Chai Lifeline.

To find out how you can help sponsor me (in any amount, no matter how small or how big), please click here:
http://tiny.cc/chailifeline

Thank you for reading,
Neil

If you have ever read this blog and gotten something out of it…

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… then please read this.  I need your help.

In a few weeks, I will join dozens of Chai Cyclists in Chicago´s Bike the Drive, a thirty-mile rally on Lake Shore Drive, to raise money for Chai Lifeline, a wonderful organization dedicated to helping very sick children and their families.
Chai Lifeline provides year-round emotional, social, and financial support to more than 3,000 children and their families every year. In our area, Chai Lifeline Midwest offers access to two-dozen free programs and services that touch each member of the family, helping them to live full and happy lives despite the presence of illness.
My objective is to raise $3,500.00 by race day and I hope you will help me reach this goal. All donations are 100% tax deductible. If your company has a matching gift program, your gift may be doubled or tripled.
Thank you for supporting me, and in doing so, helping children and their families cope with the diagnosis, treatment and aftermath of serious pediatric illness. Please feel free to forward this to anyone who might be interested in supporting Chai Lifeline.

To contribute, please click here.
Your contribution is greatly appreciated.

The time of our freedom

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Pesach is z’man cherusanu, the time of freedom.  Rav Hirsch explains that until the time of Hashem taking us out of Egypt, all cultures had slaves.  It was how the world worked back then.  B’nai Yisrael were the first “free people”.  The concept of freedom, prior to our Exodus was something that the world didn’t understand or couldn’t even comprehend. 

With this idea from Rav Hirsch in mind, I look upon the next week and especially the seder nights an opportunity to anchor myself to a freedom that is true.  The freedom to recall and bring to action the unique role of being both a child of Hashem and also a servant.

We are all tied down.  This can be both a positive and a negative.  Being tied down to the role of a spouse and a parent is a wonderful bracha.  Those responsibilities center us and become a lifeline to us.  Feeling tied down to one’s job or economic situation can have a terrible effect on a person.  True freedom is when we can decide what we want to put of strengths into.

We can look at someone who lives a carefree life as being the most “free” of all men.  However, making the choice not to play by any one’s rules and taking the “road less traveled” doesn’t always show true independence.  To rebel l’shem rebellion, just to say that you are your own person isn’t always an example of freedom (there are those that, mamesh, rebel against society or a culture, in the name of Heaven, but I’m not writing about this).

So I sit at my laptop, knowing that in twenty-four hours, I’ll be at my own seder with my wife, that I love and still have no clue how she puts up with me, my three children, that are each different and still all peas in the same pad, and my brother, who has traveled from NY to be with us, with family.  I hope that they will have nice memories of our sederim and I will try to explain that the real freedom is to choose how you want to live your life.  For me, based on my traditions, what I learned in yeshiva, from rabbis, and what I have read, it’s a freedom that boils down to what is my purpose and how can stay on track every moment of my lfe.

Next time you lose it, read this

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Poser, hypocrite, mussar-Marrano, wannabe.  These are few labels that linger in my head right now, regarding myself.  Assessment that one blew it is part of the risk of having “free choice”.  Like my Hoover vacuum, I just suck it up and sometimes change the bag.
 
I attempt to be a “good Yid”.  I make it minyan at least twice a day (working on 3 times), I think about my brachos when I make them, I learn (although not as much I should), yet I fall short.  Part of, if not the real attraction I’ve always had to Mussar is that I’m not always a nice person.  I usually keep myself in check but some days are easier than others.  I am a so-so husband and am OK Abba most of the time.  Usually I’m fairly patient with people (family included) but yesterday wasn’t one of those days.  I was a creep.  Lost it big time.  There’s not much to say or write when all of the effort you make to treat others as betzlem Elokeim seems to fly out the window when you are in a bad mood.

“I’m sorry,” only goes so far, which is why I’m thankful that I have the Rambam’s Hilchos Teshuva to give me real steps, especially the whole until-you-are-in-the-same-place-and-don’t-make-the-same-mistake-you-haven’t-really-done-teshuva step.  When it come to relationships, especially with those we love, there is constant retooling and recalibration, so those opportunities to see if you really did teshuva are plenty.
 
I get it.  Chometz is akin to the Yetzer Hora.  So, I guess I’ve been deep frying Jason’s Flavored bread crumbs in Japanese bread crumbs and then just breaking them for the heck of it, b/c I feel like my Yetzer is on overdrive.  Time to turn of the engine and coast into the service station.
 
 
Sent via Blackberry by AT&T

Reflections of a "fringe" Jew

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Full disclosure:  I don’t fit in all the time, but then again, most of us don’t.

In truth, I play the part of blending into the “mainstream” frum lifestyle fairly well.  I talk the talk and I walk the walk.  However, when I walk, I think about how the word הלך is the root word of halacha, meaning “to walk”.  I also usually hum the song “A Walk” by Bad Religion.  I just can’t help myself.

I rarely have time or schedule time to think about what makes me different from those around me who are frum.  It usually is just a waste of my time.  Once in a blue (new) moon, I find myself in a situation where I cannot distract myself with my Blackberry, hisbodedus, or a sefer and am forced to actually accept that neis that Hashem made each of us different.  Case in point: this past Motzei Shabbos.

I ventured out, on my own, to see the band Pitom.  They were great.  While I am not a major fan of klezmer music, there were enough electric guitar riffs, hard drums, killer bass lines, and one insane electric violin to make me forget that I was actually listening to “Jewish”-based music.

As I sat in a crowd of about thirty, I scanned the audience and found, maybe, one or two others who I’d label as “frum”.  Not a big deal.  It did get me thinking that even though I have changed in many ways since becoming observant year ago, I still am sort of an “arty-hispter-type”.  I still find myself moved by music as an art form, not just as a niggun, a tune to Adon Olam, or the newest song by any generic “boys choir”.

I think that most people, if they look hard enough, have something that makes them different than everyone else.  That is how Hashem made us.  We are all on the fringe of something.  It could be the fringe of getting closer to Hashem or the fringe of going out of our minds as we get ready for Pesach.

Just as each shevet has a different degel, we are each different…created by Hashem, who is “Echad”.

Starbucks turns 40 and I’ll be drinking…

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This morning on Facebook, I posted:
Tomorrow is a big day, as Starbucks unveils a new cup size for iced drinks called the “Trenta”- 31oz. No, I don’t work for SBUX, but I find it funny that technology makes things smaller internally and Starbucks tries to educate us that we need more externally.

While I have been a fan of Starbucks since ’92, I am also aware that since January of 2008 the cRc has been, well, not as into Big Green as I am.

Without getting into links, pdfs, and checklists, my celebration of Starbucks’ newest iced drink size, all 31oz of it, will be low-key, as I run into a building that houses a kiosk.  While SBUX is telling us we need an even bigger sized iced coffee, those who are careful with what they put in their mouths kashurus-wise are using their research to let the public now how limited their choices might actually be.  

I will say, that I survived Starbucks switching from making Frappuccinos out of coffee, sugar, milk and ice to becoming a product I wouldn’t digest.  I survived White Mocha switching from a Kof-K D.E. syrup to something I haven’t ordered in a billion years, and I’ll live with the “checklist”.  I’m curious why the all important checklist hasn’t been circulated among shuls in Chicago, but I’m sure that day will come.  Meanwhile, I pray I have as much passion about my own religious lifestyle as those out there who are passionate about important topics of the day like the decay of morals in society, rampant drug use among teens and adults, sexual predators, kids at-risk, and, oh yeah, what can I drink at Starbucks and where can I buy it.

If your biggest problem is the location of where you can get a drip coffee or an iced Americano then you’re way ahead of me.

Please help me raise money for Chai Lifeline

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Hi,

Years ago, we purchased a car and got a “gift certificate” for a sporting goods store. I ended up buying a bike (and one for my wife). I have, thankfully, for the past three years to have participated in Chai Lifeline’s Bike the Drive program. To use my bike and get sponsors that can help Chai Lifeline is an amazing mitzvah opportunity.

Last year, with your help, I was able to raise an unprecedented amount of money for Chai Lifeline, an organization that helps terminally ill children and their parents. I biked a total of 45 miles on Lake Shore Drive in downtown Chicago within 4 hours, which was personal record for me. I dedicated my biking to my father, Al Harris, of blessed memory, who had past away that year of Leukemia. While it was great being able to celebrate with my wife, children, and by brother (who came to town to join us), the real victory was the people helped by Chai Lifeline by your donations, especially in honor of my father a”h. I cannot tell you how much it meant to me and my entire family from across the country.

This will be my fourth year Biking the Drive for Chai Lifeline. I am currently training (indoors), but soon I’ll be hitting the streets of Chicago and Skokie biking and getting ready for the big ride. I will admit, this year, I have another goal besides raising funds to help Chai Lifeline. This year I am hoping that my bike training will not only get me in ready for the ride, but will also help me get into better physical shape for life.

Chai, mean “life”, and I have seen that that the work, love, care, and support that Chai Lifeline gives is truly a lifeline for many people. They provide so much for so many people. And now, together, we can both help them. The word “mitzvah” is derived from the Hebrew word meaning “to connect”. By sponsoring me for Bike the Drive, you are making an unbreakable connection by directly helping so many children and their families.

I have the best trainers in the world working with me…my wife and three kids. I know in the past I’ve had your support and I’m hoping you will sponsor me once again. So please look for more updates as I journey towards reaching my goal.

To view my YouTube training video, expertly filmed by my 8 yr old daughter, please check this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dchMVWpMwcw

If you are intested in donating to sponsor me, please click here or free free to email me. Of course, it would be great if you’d like to forward this to your friends.

Thank you,
Neil
http://helpchailifeline.blogspot.com/

Reflections of a chassunah

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Sunday night my wife and I attended a beautiful chassunah in Minneapolis. The chosson was a close family and childhood friend from my hometown of Wichita, KS. The kallah resides in NJ (where they are now living). Aside from meeting a group of the kallah’s friends from NJ, the chosson had family and friends come in from across the county (and E”Y). The mesader kidushin came in from E”Y and is a grandson of Reb Yaakov zt”l (and also a former teacher of mine). Some of his friends were from his summer camp days, others from college, and some were people who he had grown close with on his journey to observant Judaism. In addition to that, my brother was also there. Also I met up with a very old friend who is now very involved in a very important aspect of outreach.

For me, there were a couple of things that stood out from the whole event.

I was asked to be an “aid” (witness) under the chupah, which was humbling, I also ended up meeting a gentleman who is a Rav and originally grew up in London. I asked him (based on the fact that he looked old enough to have grandchildren) if he had ever had any contact with either Rav Dessler zt’l or Rav Lopian zt”l. He told me that as a young boy he met both of these lighthouses of Mussar. He also commented that his his “day” being a “Rav” or Rosh Yeshiva was an earned title of kavod. Unlike today, he told me, when everyone gets called “Rosh Yeshiva” and if you write a sefer or speak somewhere, then you are considered “popular”. He also mentioned that the emphasis on chiztonius is much greater today than when he was growing up.

Dancing was insane. It was the first chassuna I had attended since getting up from aveilus. The fact that it was for a family friend made it even more emotion for me. To dance with the chosson and his family was amazing! Especially since they were not at my own wedding.

For me, there was also an element of introspection (possibly brought on by a few l’chaims, I admit). By default, until recently, I was pretty much the only one from my “generation” and peer group from Wichita that became observant. While I gravitated towards NCSY, the chosson joined Young Judea and was involved with their camps and post-high school programs. While his observance might be viewed as “recent”, it was obvious that there was visible hashgacha pratis involved in every step of his journey. It’s refreshing to see that and usually it’s easier to view Hashem’s involvement with others, than to see Hashem’s hand in our own lives. As I watched him interact with Rabbis he is close with, friends from his past, present, and future I felt a sense of comfort, I guess, in knowing that another Yid has found his place.

In a brief conversation with the old friend who is involved in kiruv, he confirmed something that my wife and I had known for a long time, that my current profession isn’t really where I should be putting my energy into. I’ve know this for a long time, and while I am very thankful that Hashem has given me an opportunity to receive a parnassah, that feeling of fulfillment isn’t really there. You know, I look in the mirror everyday and I see that I don’t have much hair left. It doesn’t bother me that much, because I know that this is just how it is. I will lose more hair and my yarmulka will just get bigger. I deal with it. But when you have someone else point out that you don’t have as much hair as did years ago, then it sort of gets to you. Not in a bad way, but there’s that outside confirmation of what you’ve known for a long time.

To give me even more food for thought, when we boarded the plane (towards the end of our Hebrew anniversary) we found out that we were the only two passengers. Once I got over the feeling of being a rock star, I sat back and thought about the fact that ultimately in my own marriage it’s really just my wife and I alone in the plane that Hashem is piloting. I also thought about something said over in the name of the Alter of Novaradok.

The Alter said that someone not familiar with a Torah lifestyle might look up at a plane flying in the sky and see how small it is. He might even not believe that there could be people living aboard a plane because, to him, it just looks so small. However, once someone has begun to learn Torah and keep mitzvos, he realizes that you can be above the ground and life. You realize that what seemed so small is really quite big and can travel great distances very quickly. I think this applies to myself, as well as the chosson.