Category Archives: lessons

The power of Ratzon…

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… or the great escape.

Friday morning my wife and I woke up to our 21 month old uber-daughter yelling, “Out! Out!”. We then heard a thump, some crying and a door open. I got out of bed and when into the hallway to find our daughter out and about.
I found our two older children playing and asked them, “Did you take your sister out of the crib?”
They both answered in the negative.

I looked at our toddler and said, “Did (insert name of brother here) take you out of the crib?”

She said, “No.”

“Did (insert name of sister here) take you out of the crib?”

Again, “No.”

“Who took you out of the crib?”

She looked at me, raised her right hand up in the air, as if she was in a classroom, and answered, “Me.”

Rav Dessler teaches that ratzon, desire, is the root of all action and that Hashem will help fullfill ones’ ratzon. He gives the example of a a thief who wants to steal something will, with effort, acquire the desired object. Of course, our desire, as Rav Dessler write in Michtav M’ Eliyahu, to grow in closenss to Hashem or work on Middos perfection will also be assisted by Hashem.

In this case, my daughter simply wanted out of her crib. My wife’s desire, latter that morning was for me to lower the mattress in the crib. No more suprise escapes…for now!

Rav Schwab quote from "These and Those"

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Over Shabbos I had an opportunity to re-read the essay know as “These and Those” aka “E’ilu v’Eilu”, published in SELECTED ESSAYS. Several sentences that made up paragraph blew me away and then after letting a close friend browse through the sefer, he also pointed out the quote to me (with me even bringing up the quote).

He who is strong in his conviction is even strengthened by the clear exposition of the opposite viewpoint. He who is strong in his conviction will welcome an open discussion based on mutual respect for the opponent’s opinion. Mutual intolerance betrays mutual weakness. Only he who is fully convinced can afford to be fully tolerant towards his opponent and yet remain adamant and stand his ground.

As I think about how easily we, as an Am Kodesh, can draw lines in the sand and fracture our Achdus it’s really a miracle that we, as one people, were able to receive the Torah.

Whatever you are doing at that moment

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I have heard the following story from several people. In fact, twice, from R Moshe Weinberger (once on a tape and once while attending a shiur from him):

A chossid of Rav Moshele Kabriner pnce went to see the Kotzker. Rav Menachen Mendel of Kotzk asked to hear what the greatest inun, character trait, of this chossid’s rebbe, Rav Moshele Kabriner. Was it chessed? Tefilah?
The chossid answered, my rebbe’s greatest inun is whatever he is doing at that moment. Whatever we do at this moment, who we are married to, who are children are, where we are living, we have to serve Hashem at this time, at this moment. Whatever is happening to us is from Hashem.

While some aspects of my life have been hectic lately and there have been several ups and downs within the past year, this gevaldik story always pops in my head. Hopefully it will remain at the forefront of my head and not as an afterthought.

If America runs on Dunkin, then I must…

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…bike on Crystal Light . It happens to be what I drink in my water bottle when I bike. I happen to like Sunrise Classic Orange. The idea that America runs on Dunkin” sort of cracks me up. When I think of jogging or any exercise, rarely do I think of Dunkin Donuts. Perhaps what they mean is that after Pesach, Yidden run to their local dunkin that is under a local hechshar? My son will never forget when he was 5 yrs old after spending the final days of Pesach in Chicago that as we drove past the Dunkin on Devon Ave (1 hour after havdala) the line was out the door with Torah observant Jews waiting for a donut (this image would have made a great posting about what our priorites are, but the moshul is way to obvious to the average reader).

I don’t necessarily think that I really run on Crystal Light. The marketing team for Dunkin Donuts must believe that “running on something” probably refers to what ‘motives’ or ‘energizes’ someone. That being said, I have been wondering what I do actually “run on”?

The obvious answers would be: family, love of Hashem, need to provide for the people I love, etc.
I guess, in theory, I “run” on Shabbos. Not that I actually go running on Shabbos, but Shabbos, in theory, should energize those who keep it, as Shabbos really is the focal point of the entire week and of creation. Again, I wrote the words, “in theory”. I admit that I don’t really think about this important idea as much as I should.

As I sit and type, I realize that even those things that ‘motive’ or ‘energize’ me only get me so far and I have the ability to push myself much further than I do. There is no need to comment, but if you are reading this, it might be worth a minute or two to think about what you run on?

Rav Soloveitchik zt"l on Kavod HaBriyos

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The 18th of Nissan marked the 15th yartzeit of The Rav. I, like countless others, never learned directly from him, but was told d’vrai Torah and stories in his name by various rabbeim I have known. This oral tradition, if you will, along with the published works (both before and after he was nifter) help to give those who are interested a small understanding of who he was. I have always found the following passage from his essay Community (available in a summary form as part one and part two) to be very meaningful to me:
Quite often a man find himself in a crowd among strangers. He feels loney. No one knows him…suddenly someone taps him on the shoulder and says, “Aren’t you Mr. So and So? I have heard so much about you.” An alien turned into a fellow member of an existenial community. What brought about the change? The recoginition by someone, the word!

To recognize a person is not just to identify him physically. It is more than that: it is an act of identifying him existencially as a person who has a job to do that only he can do properly. To recognize a person means to affirm that he is irreplaceable. To hurt a person means to tell him that he is expendable, that there is no need for him.

The Halakhah equated the act of publicly embarrasing a person with murder? Why? Because humiliation is tantamount to destroying an existential community and driving the individual into solitude.
It’s this ability to look at relationships within the framework of Halacha (yes, spelled differently than above) that amazes me. For all the “Halachikness” that is associated with the Rav, it was his written words that first opened my eyes to a living, breathing image of Halacha. It was his written words that first exposed me to concept that the shoresh of Halacha (halach) means “to walk”. Halacha isn’t just about laws that govern our actions, or what we can or cannot do, it is a whole path of existence that touches on all aspects of life that we navigate through.

HaMakir es Mekomo, Pesach, and blogging

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Hamakir es Mekomo, knowing or recognizing one’s place is listed in Pirkei Avos (chapter 6 mishna 6) as one of the 48 ways to “acquire the Torah”.

When I first started learning, I always defined this trait as knowing when to speak up and when to keep my mouth closed. I really only thought of this concept in regard to my relationships with people. In the most simple terms, there is a time “climb into the driver’s seat” and a time to sit in the back seat, if you will. As I’ve grown in age, learned a bit more, experience things in life, and matured (well, gotten married, worked, had three kids-“matured” is really a subjective term) my working definition of Hamakir es Mekomo has changed.

My defintion of Hamakir es Mekomo is now more based on one’s location in life (including hashkafa-based, situational, and geographic). Each of us is truly where we need to be, as I’ve come to accept. The trick is to understand why were are in a given situation, relationship, or location. There have been, for sure, places where I have lived that were good for a certain time frame, and then I was directed elsewhere. The idea of “recognizing one’s place” can mean that I have an achrai’us (responsibility) to reach my potential in any given situation. While the “grass may be more haimesh” in another shul or community, Hashem really does put us where we need to be. This is not always an easy cup of coffee to drink, I admit.

Accepting a given situation as Hashgach Patis is probably the first step in recognizing that Hashem has put us in our particular ‘hakom”. This doesn’t mean that we can’t try to change our station in life (via danening or extra effort), but where we are, who we are married to, the children we have, all part of Hashem’s ultimate plan for us.

With this in mind, I have been thinking lately about the role we play at our Seder table. We are, on hand, told to feel like we are “free”. We recline, as royalty. We eat like royalty, wash like royalty, and drink like royalty. While all the foods of the seder are important, the Haggadah itself seems to center around the Arba Kosos. The mizvah of the four cups is singular in the sense that while we are required to drink them, we shouldn’t pour for ourselves. We go back and forth, like Tony Hawk on a half-pipe, between being the free person and the servant. I think that Hamakir es Mekomo, knowing one’s place fits in nicely. Each of us are, indeed free…free to chose to be an Eved Hashem.

It’s interesting to note that in the Mishna, right after Hamakir es Mekomo comes Sameach b’Chelko” – one who is happy with his portion. It seems, IMHO, that If you can’t accept that you are where you need to be and what you have been given, how can you be happy?

A few days ago was my 2nd blogaversary. Tonight I went for my pre-Pesach haircut, which was were my first posting idea started. Although my barber didn’t wax the mussar with me, he did say that I “looked better than when I came in”. He had a point.

I’ve always tried to be myself and be happy with who I am. It doesn’t matter if I’m learning the Bilvavi between alyios in my minyan on Shabbos, or cleaning for Pesach listening to Rav Weinberger’s Shabbos HaGadol drasha and then cranking up the Carelbach, Karduner, and Husker Du on iTunes, I am who I am. This blog didn’t really start out being as personal as it has become, but that’s what happened. Nor did I plan of becoming part of a “community” and actually connecting with people whom I have become friends with, that also just happened. For now, this is where Hashem whats me to be. I am thankful for having the ability to take time to actually write out ideas and things that I think about from time to time. While my posting hasn’t been as frequent as I would like recently, I thank all of you how have, for whatever reason, taken time out to read every so often.

May we have a Pesach this year that will help us discover who we are and where our priorities should be.

The waxless candle

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Recently while shopping I saw this item, a wickless candle. It sort of threw me for a loop. The box stated that it was safe for pet and children (which I guess is nice) and that it was made out of real wax. Still, it’s an imitation of the original. The whole concept of the wickless candle brought be back to my post about Obervabots and Deceptijews.

I know that I, at times, give the impression of being a real candle, with a real wick and real fire. There are days when I feel like I’m wickless, days when I’m an imitation of what I can be.

A flame should be real. Our soul is like a flame and we need to keep it lit. Oddly, I first learned this from Greg Graffin in the fall of 1989 when I heard these words on a Bad Religion album:
“How fragile is the flame that burns within us all, to light each passing day?” (two points if you can name the album w/o searching the web).
R Simon Jacobson says it like this, in Towards A Meaningful Life, “Look closely at a candle, and you will see an approximation of your soul-the flame licking the air, reaching upward, as if towards G-d. And yet the wick pulls it back to earth. Similarly, your soul is constantly reaching upward, while your body holds you back with its insistent demands for physical sustenance or gratification. The question for each of us is, Do we chose to be the flame that rises upward or the wick that holds us down?”

“The spirit of man is the lamp of Hashem, searching all the innermost parts.” -Mishley 20:27
Batteries in a wickless candle eventually run out. A true candle’s flame can pass from one wick to another.

Quotes

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In line during a very hectic, draining, and busy week for me. I didn’t even read much on anything online, including email. Part of my week took me to the post office. While waiting in line I saw the follow quote from Benjamin Franklin (who’s writings, BTW, influenced this sefer):

Energy and persistence conquer all things.
This happened to be one of several things that I needed to read and think about this week. These also hit home:

Never despair. It is forbidden to give up hope! -Reb Nachman
There is no greater illness than discouragement.- Rabbi Yisrael Lipkin of Salant
Impossible Is Nothing!- Current ad campaign for Adidas

Have a great Shabbos Kodesh!

Seconds Thoughts

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(from Dkimages.com)

Recently we spent a delightful afternoon with good friends at the Jelly Belly Center, here. On our tour of their facility, I hear the following statement:

It takes between seven to ten days for our factories to make a Jelly Belly bean. It takes just one second to eat one.

While I was wowed by all the cool flavors to eat, I kept thinking about that statement. It hit a cord with me. Not a big, Earth shattering cord, but a more simple and grounded cord. I say the appropriate brachos before and after I eat and drink, but I really should give some thought as to all the effort that goes into the items I’m making my bracha over. From a simple Jelly Bean to a Shabbos meal, there’s a vast amount of effort that takes place. It takes just one second to eat one. I’m sure that working on my Hakoras HaTov is worth more one second of enjoyment.