Yearly Archives: 2006

Some Postings Need No Title

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“I write not because I have the strength to write, but because I do not have the strength to remain silent.”
-Rav Avraham Yitzchok Kook zt’l

I came across the quote last night. I had copied it from somewhere and scribbled it in a journal way back in 1994. I wasn’t planning on posting, but I decided that consistency is a good thing, even if it means writing when I don’t feel like it.
It’s been a long week. Primarily due to the matzav in Eretz Yisrael. I’m worried, just like everyone else. Then, there’s the shadow of the Three Weeks hanging over Klal Yisrael. Finally it’s been a long week for for me blog-wise. I read over all of my postings and I feel that I probably take myself too seriously. That was not my intent. There is a more casual side to me.
Ever see the Beatles’ movie HELP? It’s great. The best part is the blurb on the back of the box about the flick. It states that the Beatles made the movie at a period of their life when they didn’t take themselves too seriously. While I enjoying posting about Rav Yisrael’s 13 Midos, it’s taken a toll on me. It’s like Elul in July.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the whole Ir Miklat-unintentional murder deal that we’ll hear in shul this Shabbos. Like most people, I try to relate the parshios to my life. As I’ve gotten older I think some of my core-personality has gotten misplaced. Maybe I’ve unintentionally “killed” my fun-loving-humorous-go-with-the-flow self, and I’ve been exiled to an Ir Miklat of my own design. I hope that’s not the case.
If I killed someone by accident, and retreated to an Ir Miklat, I’d never sleep. How could I when I know that my freedom would be dependant on the death of one person… the Kohen Gadol? Who would sleep?

“When a man learns that just as he broods over himself so does G-d yearn for him, he is at the beginning of a higher level of consciousness” (Rabbi Steinsaltz). This quote appears at the end of an article written by Rav Moshe Weinberger. You can read the entire article here. It’s well worth it.

Good Shabbos

Rav Yisrael Salanter’s 13 Midos – #4

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Respect: Be careful to treat all people with respect- even those with whom you have little in common

Of course, I’m going to treat people with respect. Who wouldn’t?

End of posting.





Wait a minute!! What about when I get angry, upset, short tempered, insulted, overlooked…
I know that when I feel depressed or unhappy with a particular situation in life, I’m fragile. And I know that I’m not the only one. A thoughtless comment here, a negative non-constructive comment about a blog there. It all adds up. Rav Yisrael asks us to be respectful of others. No matter who they are or where we are. I constantly have an opportunity to be a Kiddush Hashem with everyone I meet. I believe Rav Elya Lopian was quoted as saying that the best battlefield for Midos and Derech Eretz is in your home. Those who we are close with are the ones who we must treat with the most respect. To be a tzaddik in the street is easy, it’s being a tzaddik once you kiss the mezzuzah on your front door that is difficult at times.

What about if I’m not too friendly with the other person? Or if we wear different types of yalmukas? Or we call it a kipah instead? Or our kids go to totally different schools? Or this person doesn’t cover their hair? Or they daven in the wrong shul? I could go on, but it’s really not necessary. I guess that’s what Rav Yisrael Salanter meant by “even those with whom you have little in common.” I suppose it wasn’t easy for the father of the mussar movement to engage in dialog with maskilim (followers of the Haskalah). There had to be some common denominator to start off with. There was.
The neshama.
We all have one. At times mine is revealed, at times, sadly, it’s hidden. I find it easy to forget that when I’m interacting with others, I have a chance to interact with them on a level of the neshama, as well. I’ll try to use this idea as a starting point when I speak with people. Especially my own family.

I’ll admit, earlier tonight I made an off hand comment to my wife. It was only a one word comment, but it hurt her. It was not very respectful. She called me on it and I apologized. I hadn’t planned on posting this Midah so soon, but it felt like the right time. Funny… I’ve just incorporated the first four Midos in an on-line confession.

Rav Yisrael Salanter’s 13 Midos – #3

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Determination: Do what you have determined to do. And do it energetically.

The previous midah dealt with doing what has to be done, this is different. This midah is more about actualizing your decisions by following through. How many times have I been staring in the pantry trying to decide what to eat? Plenty. It’s not a life altering decision, yet it feels like it at the time. Making up my mind shouldn’t be so taxing. The most concrete example that comes to mind right now is blogging. Those who commented on the last midah seemed to agree that alacrity is not so easy to come by, yet if you blog then you had to start sometime, didn’t you? I’m not an expert in the cognative aspects of how we make decisions, but I know for myself what I can get out of Rav Yisrael’s teachings.

It really isn’t so difficult for me to make up my mind. I know very well what I should be doing most of the time. I also have a pretty clear idea about where I fall short in my Avodas Hashem. It’s not a big deal for me to accept that I should be learning more, or having more kavana (concentration) during davening, for example. It’s the “do what you have determined to do” part that I get stuck on. One of the reasons I started this Midos exercise was because I was long overdue for a Cheshbon HaNefesh. I’m not as proactive as I should be, but by putting this on the web and giving myself a time-line to finsh all 13 Midos, I feel that it’s an active start.

Doing something “energetically” really means making it happen. To take an idea, a decision, and bring it into this world is a powerful thing. Mostly I use this power to decide what to wear in the morning, or which book to read my kids, but decision making is a true manifestation of our bechirah chofshis (free will). If I want to become close to my creator by emulation, this a great way to do it. To put my kochos (strength) into my decisions is probably more what Rav Yisrael was thinking about, IMHO (wow, I sound like Steve Brizel). The truth is that it’s late and I should go to bed. I have a problem with this also.

“I never thought about whether I could do something, but only about whether I had to do it. And if something must be done, then Hashem will give the means of doing it.” – Rav Yosef Yozel Hurwitz, the Alter of Novorodock (student of Rav Yisrael Salanter)


Overheard at the Shabbos Table

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Note: My next posting will continue Rav Yisrael’s Salatners 13 Midos- #3

During Shabbos lunch the conversation turned to local day camps. When asked how camp was going, one child commented that things were good, but their seemed to be rivalry between the boys what attend one day school and boys from another day school. The source of the rivalry centered around haskafa, learning, and mitzvah obeservance. Several people, inlcuding myself, commented that it’s ashame this has to happen during the Three Weeks. The camp director, as reported by campers at the table, also made a similar comment to the entire camp.
My wife, in her infnite wisdom, said, “Why shoud we only be sensitive to this during the Three Weeks?”

Rav Yisrael Salanter’s 13 Midos- #2

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ALACRITY: NEVER WASTE A SINGLE MOMENT; DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE

I’ll let you in on a secret…it’s taken me a very long time to start this post (feel free to chuckle). As I sit at my keyboard and look at a list I made 15 year ago when I first read about Rav Yisrael’s 13 Midos, this particular midah has haunted me. I know it’s really a simple thing. In my younger years (18-24) I spent hours of hisbodidus, just thinking about this midah. The only conclusion I made is that thinking is useless, if not accompanied action. Nike made a whole campaign of this midah, JUST DO IT. Orchos Tzaddikim says that we learn alacrity from Avraham. Before the Akeida, he “woke up early in the morning” (Bereishis 22:3).

There have been times in my life when I’ve been so energized that I accomplish a multitude of things in record time. And, of course, there have been times when I can’t seem to finish anything. I think, for me, what Rav Yisrael meant by saying “nerver waste a single moment” was that when life or a task is precious to us we don’t want to waste any time. If I appreciate my life, and the opportunities I have (with family, mitzvos, my job, etc.) then why would I want to delay doing a task? There are things in life that I have not finished, goals I need to achieve. It’s the importance that we give to goals that allows us to do things with alacrity. I see this often. If someone asks me to do something for them, like turn off a light or get something at the store, and I don’t follow thru, then I’ve invalidated that person. To them, what they are asking me to do is important, so why wouldn’t I never waste a single moment. It’s not just doing things at the right time, it’s having an energy about me when I do it. “Whistle while you work.” The importance and passion that I ascribe to what’s important to me has an effect on others.

When it comes to doing what has to be done, it’s all about priorities. It can be dishes in the sink, papers on your desk, laundry, the leaves in the back yard, which emails to check first. Somethings are clearly not as important to do as others. Again, it’s not just about me. I can’t delay helping someone else. A true chessed for another towers over a cup of coffee. To miss an opportunity to do an act of kindness for another person is a waste of a single moment also. Especially my spouse (and I feel I often miss those opportunies. And no, I didn’t just type this because my wife occasionally reads Modern Uberdox). Do what has to be done, could have been the motto of Rav Yisrael (or anyone else who has accomplished something). He saw a need to counter the influence of the German Haskallah movement in Russia and the result was the Mussar movement. If I can internalize the approach of doing what has to be done with excitement and without delay, I know I will see a visible improvement in myself and that’s a good start.

Rav Yisrael Salanter’s 13 Midos- #1

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I had some time over Shabbos to read something I honestly hadn’t looked at for a number of years, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter’s Iggeres HaMussar, most recently translated by Rabbi Zvi Miller. I didn’t get very far before I came across this:
Our Sages, of blessed memory, state (Yoma 9b): “Why was the First Temple destroyed? Because of the follow three sins that occurred there: idol worship, immorality, and murder. Yet, in the period of the Second Temple, they were involved in Torah study, mitzvos, and acts of kindness-so why was it destroyed? As a result of the baseless hatred that was there. Rebbi Yochanan and Rebbi Eliezer both said, ‘Since concerning the First Temple, their trangressions were revealed-their time of redemption was revealed. In the Second Temple, where their sins were not revealed-their time of redemption was not revealed.’”

I must admit, it got me thinking. With the three weeks approaching, where was I holding in terms of my bein adam le chaveiro? I know the answer, I’ve got room for improvement. Today I saw a rusty gear. I connected to it. I know that I need to be moving in a certain direction, but when one slacks off in midos managment, one gets rusty. I quickly thought of Yisrael Salanter’s 13 Midos (strongly influenced by Benjamin Franklin). I thought it might do me some good to write a little about them. My goal is to have all the postings finished by Tisha B’Av. Heads Up: This is not directed at anyone, except myself. Like the intro to Mesillas Yesharim, I’m not writing anything that people don’t know. In fact, one of the amazing things about Rav Yisrael, was that the whole Mussar movement really was just to give emphasis to aspects of Yiddishkeit that had become commonplace for most people. That’s real the gadlus of his 13 Midos. Each one is directed toward the self, yet key for our relationship with others. I’ll start of briefly, with the first one:

Truth: Never speak a word unless your heart can testify to its truth
The first thought that comes to mind is how often do I put my heart into what I say? Rav Yisrael doesn’t say “never speak a word unless you can prove what you say”, he says that one’s heart has to be able to testify that what we say is emes. One must be passionate when one talks. I need to be alive when I say something and I need to give over that passion. Obviously the first step is to be truthful to yourself, then to others. Based on this first midah, our heart serves as a witness to what we say and who we say it to.

I know mussar isn’t a favorite topic for most of us, but comments are welcome.

My Cup is Half Full…

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My Cup is Half Full

I love coffee. It’s common knowledge among those who know me. One of the perks at my job is that the coffee machine is calibrated with filtered water (it makes a difference, really) and the water-to-coffee-ratio is perfect. The decanter holds a standard 40 ounces. Only one problem, we’ve got these 16 ounce cups by the coffee machine. Basically for every pot brewed we get 2 1/2 cups of coffee. Today I made a pot, went back to my desk, and then 3 minutes later got up to get some bean. Much to my dismay, the coffee decanter was empty (again). With determination, I made another pot. I watched it brew and thought about how quickly this batch of coffee will disappear. I then made a choice. Not a big life-changing choice, but I did go against my natural inclination. I only filled my cup half way. Let someone else get a shtickel more coffee in their cup, I thought. I really wanted that full cup of coffee. Things don’t work out the way we usually want them to (more on this in a future post, bli eyen hora). But, they usually balance out. Yesterday being the case.

I had a great 4th of July. Spent time with my Modern Uberdox wife and kids. Got to take my kids swimming, had a great BBQ with my neighbors, and then joined my neighbors and a few other friends for a spectacular fireworks display. My wife did me the chessed she does for me every year… she told me what colors the fireworks were. I’m red-green color blind, you see. While I can tell the colors in a traffic light, I get lost when it comes to fireworks. All in all, a great day. If I end up not getting the cup of coffee I wanted at work in the morning…no problem. I know I can’t approach every issue that comes up in life the way I dealt with my “half cup of coffee”. But, I’ll try to remember how good I felt doing a chessed for someone else.

A Great Thing About the JBlogosphere

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If you hurry, you can still click Hirhurim – Musings and read the July 1, 2006 entry. Rabbi Student and his wife had a baby boy on Shabbos. I don’t know Gil Student, but as of when I posted this entry there were 15 comments on the birth announcement. All of them Mazel Tovs. No bashing, name calling, no pointing the finger as to why there is disharmony within various camps of Torah Judaism, no anti-religious cries to turn people away from Yiddishkeit, no scandal of sexual abuse, no reference to the singles crisis, no making fun of people who wear black hats, no making fun of people who don’t wear black hats, no anti-Lubavitch/Breslov/YU/Lakewood comments, or even references to anyone’s previous published blog entry about this particular topic –which I was guilty of once-see the entry titled…oh, never mind. Mazel Tov and I’m glad to see that people can agree on something.

Am I Less Deviant Now That I’m Older?

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My wife and I had the pleasure of spending an amazing Shabbos with a very close friend of mine (and his brother) from my shanna bet year in Eretz Yisroel and college days. Shabbos afternoon my friend asked me a pretty simple question:
Am I less deviant (read punk, individualistic, free-thinking, non-iconoclast, etc) than I use to be? Good question. Although, I would have expected nothing less from him.

I have often wondered the same question myself. From the time I was in high school and became frum until now, how much have I changed? In terms of how I look, its a radical change. It’s rather easy to externally blend into a frum lifestyle. I pretty much look like most people on any given weekday or Shabbos. Years ago, I stopped trying to show my individuality by what I wore on the outside. If you met me, you’d think I’m a pretty normal guy. That’s because I am.His question did get me thinking, though. Have I changed or mellowed out over the years? Probably a bit of both. The conversation with my friend reminded me of two great quotes. Both of them are from an interview with Sonic Youth in SPIN magazine that I read back in September of 1992.

“If you’re not growing, then you’re not living.”
“At times, the most conservative people or ideas are really quite radical.”

We are defined by our thoughts, speech, and actions. I’m told that the Baal HaTanya wrote about this quite a lot. We should not be stagnate. Just as we are inclined to attach ourselves to Hashem through Mitzvah observance, our natural inclination is to grow. I believe the above quotes are a more modern day versions of this:
There is no blade of grass below that does not have a malach on high that smites it and says to it: Grow! (Bereishis Rabbah 10:6-7)
Something as seemingly simple like grass has an urge to grow. Something so basic, knows that there is more to life if you reach upward.

I gave this entry a lot of thought over the past few days. I think that there us much more room for individuality when you set parameters for measurable behavior. If one “marches to their own beat” then you don’t have any way to judge just how different you are than anyone else.

As I was writing this, I thought about Parshas Korach. I must admit, I really wasn’t thinking, but remembering Rav Soloveitchik’s view of Korach, as found in REFLECTIONS OF THE RAV . The Rav states that “Korach was committed to the doctrine of religious subjectivism, which regards one’s personal feelings as primary in the religious experience. The value of the mitzvah is to be found not in its performance, but in its subjective impact upon the person.” This was how Korach thought. Rav Soloveitchik felt that “there are two levels in religious observance, the objective outer mitzvah and the subjective inner experience that accompanies it. Both the deed and the feeling constitute the total religious experience; the former without the latter is an incomplete act, an imperfect gesture. The objective act of performing the mitzvah is our starting point. The mitzvah does not depend on the emotion; rather, it induces the emotion. One’s religious inspiration and fervor are generated and guided by the mitzvah, not the reverse.”

A few months ago felt compelled to actually submit something to bangitout.com in reference to a list I had seen a while back. I received the following response to my submission:This message was created automatically by mail delivery software.
A message that you sent could not be delivered to one or more of its
recipients. This is a permanent error. The following address(es) failed:mailbox is full: retry timeout exceeded

Not good news for the Jews. I was pretty bummed. So I sent the email again. Same response.
In an attempt to answer the question that became the title of this posting, I submit the following:

My additions to “Top 10 ways you know you are a JEWISH HIPSTER”:
Your Itunes Library includes: Shlomo Carlebach, Shalsheles, Husker Du, C Lanzbom, Chaim Dovid, The Yitzhak Halevi Band, Rabbis Akiva Tatz and Moshe Weinberger, Bad Religion, and the Yeshiva Boys Choir
You turn “I Wanna Be Sedated” into a niggun
You quote the Kuzari and Kerouac in the same breath
You cancel your Rolling Stone subscription and start getting the JEWISH PRESS
Your cell phone ringer is a version of “Ki Va Moed” with killer electric guitar
On Sunday afternoons you Skateboard to Mincha, because the shul parking lot is good for shreddin’
Your wife’s mini-van’s radio is preset to both news-radio and the local alternative station
Your Shabbos Hat Box is covered with band stickers
When you hear the term “hardcore” you think of Black Flag and Novorodock
Your kids share your love of all things Piamenta

If you’re reading this (and you know who you are, because you went by a different name when you were younger) thanks. It was great seeing you again.