SephardiLady of Orthonomics asked me to let my readers know about the currant Petition that the OU will presenting to President Bush and Secretary Rice on Tuesday for showing their support of Israel. If interested please feel free to sign it here.
Below is a part of a letter to the editors of the Yated. It is titled “WHEN THE CITY COMES TO THE MOUNTAINS”, and discusses the problems that sometimes come up when we go upstate.
The formula for this problem is more or less as follows: The people living here are not used to the ‘givens’ of life in New York City. Mix that with the frustrations of a massive increase in population, a measure of various preconceived notions, a dash of hatred, and a pinch of some really foolish behavior, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. (If a reader does not agree that a chillul Hashem is a disaster, then this letter is not for him.)
So it’s not hard to understand why it irks people waiting fifteen minutes more than usual in Shop-Rite to see someone in front of them continue to add items to their grocery cart. And it’s not hard to imagine the reaction of the year-round drivers when one of the thousands of extra cars crowding the streets stops in the middle of the road to let somebody on or off, (which itself is an issue that is a problem in many communities all year round and should be corrected).
It is probably a bit hard for a city person to have a feel for the problem because he doesn’t have an idea of how different it is when things are quiet around here. Thus, he does not know how much, what goes on during the summer, makes a difference to the country folk. It is well known to those frum Yidden living here year-round that the friendly faces that might greet them from behind a local sales counter during the winter months can be expected to become cold and unwelcoming in July and August. During the winter, you do not have to watch so that you are not accused of cutting the line, whereas during the summer, if you are not careful, it could easily happen.
If I were to try to compose a list of the possible situations where the danger of this problem lies, it would probably be too long for this column, let alone this letter; but I know that anyone who has a heart to care about it also has a head to know where to be careful.
Again, I’m not coming to write an essay about the gravity of chillul Hashem; I’m just trying my luck at helping raise awareness of the fact that there is a serious issue here during the summer which is worth bearing in mind.
I do want to share one final thought which I found to be powerful. Even though a person does not usually have control over anyone but himself (and possibly his family), it is very likely that with one genuine act of kiddush Hashem, he can make a positive impression upon an outsider which outweighs and outshines the negative ideas that may have been conceived thorough the actions of others – the same way a small ray of light can overtake a room full of darkness. May we be zoche to be the ones who reflect the light and the sweetness of the Torah to the eyes of the nations.Sincerely wishing everyone a great summer.
P.S. If any good comes out of this letter, it should be a zechus for the Yidden in Eretz Yisroel.
Concerned
Sullivan County, N. Y
The suggestion highlighted above is so simple, yet powerful. I’m constantly reminding myself that I have no idea what impact I can make on another person. As the media and the world turns its’ eyes towards Israel we need to remember that our neighbors, co-workers, and people we see in the street are watching us, as well. If interested, I’ll be happy to email the entire letter to anyone interested. Good Shabbos and thanks for reading.
Patience: Calmly confront whatever circumstance presents itself; absorb each blow that life brings
I should probably tape this to my rear-view mirror. I’ll explain…
As a general rule, I’m fairly patient. At times, my two Uberdox kids do grind my nerves, but I love them, and usually that love over-rides any impatience I might have. I use to be the opposite. This is a midah that I work on constantly. Sometimes I’ll notice myself geting uptight, or impatient and just stop what I’m doing and count backwards from 30 to 1. That usually helps me. I find that when I’m driving someplace and I can’t control the flow of traffic, or a red light, or someone not using their turn signal, is when I feel that lack of patience creep in.
Rav Yisrael implores us to “calmly confront whatever circumstance presents itself“. I guess I need to review my notes on Tranquility (Find an inner calmness; do not be overwhelmed; always act with deliberation). If I go into every situtation with true menucha then a direct result should be savlanus. No matter what difficulty arises I have the ability to approach it with patience.
Look, this might seem like fluff, but it’s true. At least, for me it is. I’m not anyone special. I struggle with tuition payments, have trouble waking up in the morning, and I’m blogging instead of getting of collecting laundry. I also believe in how Rav Salanter’s Midos can help change me and make me into a better Jew. Life is difficult, there’s no question. Sometimes our Yeter Hara works overtime. I wrote, very personally, about that in my last posting. The RAMCHAL, in Mesillas Yesharim, states that life isn’t meant to be easy. It’s suppose to be a challenge. I have, at times faced horrific life situations and ordeals. I also once really hurt myself building my sukkah. Life is not meant to always be a trip to Six Flags. When things don’t go right, I need to exercise patience. Patience is something that I can control and use to my advantage.
Absorb each blow that life brings. That’s our job in life. Relationships don’t work out the way we always plan them to. Our car doesn’t start in the morning. You put salt in your coffee on day instead of sugar (I did this once at work, it was December 1995. I will never make that mistake again). I need to be like a sponge or some NASA-spawned space foam that absorbs every difficulty. I don’t need to stop each blow that life brings (read challenge), but I do need to slow them down. If I let challenges and difficulties get buffered before I internalize them, it’s probably easier to cope.
There are some things that I’m impatient for. Today, listening and say kinos, I couldn’t wait for our Galus to end. I’m still waiting. I can’t wait for a huge cup of coffee (I can’t help it, I love coffee). I really didn’t really miss listening to music, although Piamenta will be played tomorrow at work. I also couldn’t wait to daven Mincha today. I truly missed my tallis and tefillin this morning. I felt a lacking. Maybe that was the point.
I was, thanks to technology, able listen to Rav Moshe Weinberger’s teleconference tonight before mincha. I felt a little guilty. I think I enjoyed it too much (Frum Idlealist knows exactly what I mean). One thing he said that really hit home was that then the Churban happened Klal Yisrael was hit with a moment of emes. We realized that we didn’t have our Father with us anymore. Rav Weinberger used the example of when a child is sent away from the Shabbos table. The child cries and cries because they miss their mom and dad… and they miss a chance for a bracha. We’ve been sent away from the Shabbos table, twice now.
Parashas Va’eschanan starts out with Moshe pleading to go into Eretz Yisrael. Hashem answers, “It is too much for you!” (pasuk 26). Rashi says that much more is in store for you (in Olam Haba). More that the land of Eretz Yisrael. Much is the goodness that is kept for you. (Sifrei)
We see from this that good things come to those who wait. It’s not just patience, it’s how we exercise it that matters. I hope you have a good Shabbos Kodesh.
Several of Rav Weinberger’s shiurim are available for free by clicking here. I found the “Judging Others Favorably” mp3 to be excellent. Check it out, if you have time.
I hope you have a good Shabbos Kodesh and a comforting one, as well. Thanks for reading.
Tehillim 145
19. He does the will of those who fear Him, and He hears their cry and saves them.
20. The Lord guards all who love Him, and He destroys all the wicked.
I, along with others, said these words last night at a community-wide event. Hundreds of people gathered in a large congregation in Chicago to daven for Eretz Yisrael. It was touching to see so many Jews together. Some with hats, some with ball caps (Cubs and Sox), some wearing shorts, some with their children. All of us as an Am Echad. The two pasukim above really hit me as I was davening. I remember last year on Tisha B’Av night saying kinos and thinking about Gush Katif, and our people leaving their homes and soldiers crying as they took citizens out of their own shuls. For all I know the soldier and the citizen are fighting together right now.
I’m worried about this year. I’m worried about people being injured and killed. Our people, my people crying and hoping Hashem hears their cry.
“Dear Hashem,
I thought I was strong and my Yetzer Tov was strong. I thought I would not give into the evils of my generation. I thought I was above being sucked into the vacuum of the Sitra Achra. I was wrong. The stronger I am, the more attached to my creator I think I am, the stronger my Yetzer Hara is. The Yetzer Hara makes me think that I’m not susceptible to being deviated from attachment to Hashem. The Yetzer Hara only has power over something I can see. I have to know when to turn away. If I stumble it means that I’m being challenged. If I am challenged that means that I have to power to get up again. This is what my creator wants. It is a war. I must not forget. When I think the enemy is weak is when I am attacked. Hashem, I love you and know that you will help me. I daven to make the Yetzer Hara my slave, for me to control it. I know that if I do not help to rebuild the Bais Hamikdash, it is as if I have destroyed it.”
This could have been said after the first or second Temples’ were destoyed. It could have been said by someone surrounded by idol worship, immorality, murder, or baseless hatred on all sides. By someone who gave into their Yetzer Hara, even if only once. It could have been said yesterday. Try as we might, we need Hashem now more than ever to protect us from our ememies. Those that surround the borders of Israel, and those that surround the borders we make for ourselves.
Victor, the janitor of a shul I use to daven in, once told me that you’ve got to have a thunderstorm before you can see a rainbow. I hope that’s the case. May our Galus end with song, dance, and victory.
If you haven’t figured it out, I will not finish all 13 Midos by Tisha B’Av. It’s taken a lot more introspection that I thought it would to post on the Midos. I’m glad I’ve been doing it and will continue until they are completed.
I was going to tell this story in the previous comments section of Midah #7, but it deserves its’ own posting.
This is a true story and I only write it to emphasis Midah # 7 and the importance of trying to be a Mentch Yisrael. It isn’t meant as a rant or to cause friction between Jews.
Two summers ago, my family and I went to Upstate NY. We decided to drive into Woodbourne and get something to eat. I, of course, wanted to go check out the seforim store (which happens to rock). As I walk in, I say hello to the owner and ask if he’s having a nice day. “Baruch Hashem,” he replies.
We proceed to browse around and get a few items. A kippah for my son, a few kids books, a believe I got an Artscroll Mishnah, and a copy of the Chofetz Chaim’s Lesson a Day (a real deal for only $7.99). As I’m look around the store I notice a father with his two high school sons standing by the cash register. I see the father look at me and then hear him say, “People like him come in to a store like this? What would he want with seforim?”
Note: I was wearing a polo shirt and khaki pants.
Then the owner says to this man and his sons, “Yes, people like him shop here. And guess what? When he walked in, he said hello to me and asked how I am. When you came in you didn’t say a word to me. I’d take a customer like him anyday.” This guy is my hero.
What this man and his kids were wearing and where they fell on the hashkafa chart doesn’t matter.
You can look decent and be a mensch or you can go “casual” and be a mensch. Just be a mensch.
Cleanliness: Attain purity and cleanliness of body and dress
It seems a little weird writing about bodily cleanliness during the nine days, when one’s emphasis isn’t on our outward appearance. It’s much easier for me to focus on my neshama, instead of my guf. But the guf does house my neshama.
I can only guess that Rav Salanter, who was known for listening to medical advice, is referring to general hygiene and appearance. Now, health issues were rather serious back in the late 1800, as evident by the famous “cholera epidemic” on Yom Kippur in Vilna. This midah is about much more than just brushing your teeth. It’s about how the outside world views me.
My outer appearance needs to reflect my inner appearance. I try to reflect Torah values when I’m in my home and outside as well. Cleanliness of dress is an extension of what Rav Yisrael was trying to do with the Mussar movement. It was part of the refinement of character. Everyday Jews and yeshiva students alike could reach a higher level of self-worth. Teaching Jews to maintain a clean appearance and dress respectfully helped to counter the allure of the Haskallah. If one can look refined and still be Torah Jew, then all the better.
It’s really more of a mindset, for me, than anything else. If I really, truly, am a son of the King, then how I carry myself and how I dress should reflect that honor. This idea really holds true for most things in life. So why would Rav Yisrael stress cleanliness? Simply because I need to be happy with myself when I look in the mirror.
Do the clothes make the man? At times, yes. They also help make one into a Mensch Yisrael (to borrow a Hirschian term) and that’s my goal.
With temps in the near 100s, sometimes a blog freeze isn’t a bad idea. Didn’t really check my blog, or anyone else’s since erev Shabbos. It’s good to know that I still have will power. I’ll be continuting with Midah # 7 shortly. Thanks for reading.
Gentleness: The wise speak in a gentle manner; always try to speak softly
I heard a great line once: You attract just as many bees with honey as you do with vinegar. It’s true. The way I say things has a positive effect if done properly. If you look at the midos I’ve written about so far, it’s interesting that they are all positive things. Midah # 1 is Emes not Sheker. The “wise speak in a gentle manner”, they speak in the positive. My best friend told me that to get respect you’ve got to give respect. Speaking to others with derech eretz, in a “gentle manner” makes you wise.
When I’m not speaking in a “gentle manner” everything erupts. That’s just how most people are. If I yell or raise my voice at you, then you’ll do it right back at me. If I type like THIS THEN I’M YELLING! I find that I easily get carried away when someone won’t hear my side of the story. Someone who thinks before they speak will speak softly.
Look, I’ve yelled before. It doesn’t accomplish much except that you sound louder and it’s embarrassing. This is why midah #4 was Tranquility. I need to behave in a calm fashion before I even open my mouth. What Rav Yisrael is telling me is that my words are powerful. Everyone has been hurt by something that someone has said. While physical abuse is outwardly more apparent, verbal abuse hurts us on the inside. Sharp words hurt, soft words don’t.
Life in Israel: Of trees and stones (burning) is the lastest posting by Rafi G. Please give it a read.
My neighbor emailed this to me. I hadn’t seen it before, but begs the question: Which came first…the Bracha or the Banning of the Net?
Pragmatian, who is nice enough to read my blog, had a great post yesterday. If you didn’t see it, please click here. Thinking is a good thing.
