Category Archives: children

Building a child

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Every building has a foundation. The bigger the structure the deeper the foundation.The architect and construction manager survey the land before any work is started.
It is decided how many workers were needed, where to start digging and how much material should be used…all prior to building the foundation.

A few years ago I saw some plans for an addition my brother-in-law was adding on to his home. Most amazing to me was that the plans even showed where each builder would stand as the foundation was built. Every detail counts.
I once heard that a father asked the Chofetz Chaim at what age does chinuch for a child begin? His answer was to that chinuch starts when the child is born.

Chinch lesson from Purim and links

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My kids and I decided that our first Shaloch Manos should be given to the principal of their day school (he lives around the corner from us). As my son and daughter (the baby stayed at home) were walking, my daughter said, “I can’t wait to see to Rabbi (name withheld). I want to pick a prize”.

The principal happens to be a very speical person. Not only does he give the kids money to put into a pushka in his home, but he also takes a picture with each kid that comes to see him, and lets them pick a small prize. My 4 1/2 yr old daughter remembered getting a prize last year.

As my daughter said the above sentence to me, I reminded her that the mitzvah is to give Shaloch Manos, not to get Shaloch Manos or prizes from others.

The ikar is to give.


Several links I enjoyed:
LIfe in Israel: Video of the Hazon Ish
A Simple Jew: Disturbing Rabbi Yisrael Salanter During Hisbodedus
Cross-Currents: Wiki-Orthodoxy and the Undervaluing of Torah

Shepping Nachas

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As a parent I wonder how my children behave when I’m not around. We all hope that our kids learn positive things at home and in school and apply the lessons in everyday life.

My wife was recently told the following story about our first grader.
My son’s gym class was having a unit on rollerskating. The mother of one of the kids’ was helping out the gym teacher one day and told my wife that she’s so happy her son has a friend like our son.

It seems that her son has having a little trouble getting comfortable on rollerskates. She observed my son whizzing by on his rollerblades. She saw my son pass her child, as her son fell, and my son circled around to see if he was alright.

This mother then told my wife that she saw my son purposely fall down and say to her son, “See, everyone falls down. It’s no big deal”. My son helped his friend up and they continued on.

I am thankful to have experienced true nachas ruach!

Carpool Conversation

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The following conversation occurred a few days ago as I drove my 4 yrs old daughters’ carpool home from school. We had just dropped off our first passenger and were in route to drop off the second one when my daughter said…

Uberdaughter: Abba, (name withheld) left something in the car. We have to give it to her, it’s a mitzvah.
Me: That’s right, Uberdaughter. It’s the mitzvah of Hashovas Avedah, giving something back to someone who lost something. We’ll have to write you a ‘mitzvah note’ for school.
2nd Child/Passenger (soon to be dropped off): I get a ‘mitzvah note’, too.
Me: O.K., you can tell your mom when I take you home.
Uberdaughter: Oh no!! I get the mitzvah note, because I saw that (name withheld) left something. The person who sees a mitzvah and yells about it is the one who did the mitzvah for real-life and gets the mitzvah. Hashem says so.

All right, while my daughter did use some ‘hashkafic literary license’, what she said holds some truth. It actually reminded me of a great story published in the book Gut Voch, by Avrohom Barash.
The story, from page 68, titled “Everything Counts” follows:

The sister of the Vilna Gaon would often collect tzedakah for various charitable causes together with a friend. At one point the two agreed that whichever one of them would pass away first would come to the other one in a dream and relate her experiences.

When one of them left this world, she kept her word and appeared to her friend. “Tell me,” she asked, “what is it like in Gan Eden?”

“I am not prepared to tell you everything,” she replied. “But one thing I can say: everything is calculated minutely. Do you remember that one day when we were collecting for an important cause and you saw a woman across the road whom we could approach? You raised your hand and pointed her out, and I crossed the road and spoke to her. You will receeive reward for lifting your finger to point her out, while I was rewarded for having taken the trouble to cross the road and go over to her.”
My daughter was on target.

Thoughts on the Superbowl

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The drawing above of a Bears helmet was done by an outsanding 7 year old boy currently in first grade, my son.

If I were a sports fan, in theory, I would be torn about the upcoming game between the Colts and the Bears. I dedicated almost eight years of my life to the Jewish community of Indianapolis. I, now, currently reside in Chicago. For me, it really doesn’t matter who wins… I’ve never been too into sports.

For my son, well, it’s a different story altogether. His love of the Bears has grown over the past year. He has ‘subliminally’ been showing his team pride over the past few weeks with his drawings and colorings of the weekly parsha. First it was Yosef’s me’il that was colored blue and orange. Then it was a Bears blanket that covered Paro as he slept and dreamed. Most recently it was a picture of two Jewish slaves working in Egypt, wearing Bears jerseys.

As I said, I’ve never been too into sports. But I keep up with the scores, watch some of the games with him (and let him explain things to me) and try to bond with him. It’s important to show interest in what our kids are interested in. My neighbor is a huge Chicago sports fan (Sox not Cubs). I have observed the special bond he has with his oldest child when it comes to sports. I know that I cannot make myself into a sports fanatic, but I try to use things like “da Bears” as a way of bonding with my son. My son is wise to me. He knows that I’m not as into it as other dads, but he’s cool with it. He sees that I make the effort and I hope there is something to be said for that.

An observation: In a city devided by baseball like Chicago it’s nice to see people rally behind one common goal…the Bears. There is a lot that I take away from such unity, even on a gachmius level.

Note: I do enjoy watching the XGames!

Smiles

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My wife and I have noticed over the past few weeks that little baby girl Uberdox has a great smile, k’ayin hara. We don’t remember the other two kids smiling so much at such a young age.

I must admit, as a parent, it’s a wonderful feeling to know that you can hold a little baby in your arms, make funny noises and faces and get a beautiful smile that lights up a room. It is true nachas.

This got me thinking about how I show joy (or don’t appreciate the tov) towards Hashem. My creator is constantly making things happen in hope of invoking a smile from me.

I’ve heard the shmuzzes and read the seforim about how “happiness is a state of mind”.
In fact, I heard on a tape by Rabbi Pesach Krohn that according to Rav Hutner, the eye interprets how we see, the ears interpret what we hear, the nose interprets what we smell (you get the idea). Rav Hunter asks, “What does the mind interpret? It senses happiness”.

I know how happy I feel when I make the newest member of our family smile. I can only guess that this parallels how Hashem must feel when I chose to smile at all the brachos that are constantly being showered upon me. I need to take a minute and smile more often.

Still hoping for more comments on the post below.

Question and Answer with A Simple Jew

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Neil Harris asks:
As parents who’ve just started the road of Jewish education what things do you intend to teach at home that might not be taught during the school day to your children?
A Simple Jew answers:
Most importantly, I want to teach my children about their family’s history. In May 2003, I wrote a letter to my oldest daughter that I have included below. I am going to give this letter to her when she is old enough to understand. I also plan to write similar personalized letters to my son and youngest daughter.

My little one:

As I write this letter, you are only nine months-old and too young to comprehend these words. I want to share my thoughts and prayers for you, and to tell you about your important role in our family.

By the time you read this letter you will know about our family’s roots in the shtetl of Sudilkov. You will also know what happened to Sudilkov’s Jews after our family was safe in America.

Your mother and I decided to start our family while standing on a bridge over the Gouska stream in Sudilkov. Two days later, we visited the gravesite of the holy Baal Shem Tov and prayed that G-d bless us with a child. Our prayers were answered. On the third night of Hanukkah we found out that your mother was pregnant with you.

My visit to Sudilkov was one of the defining events in my life. I was haunted for days after visiting the site of the mass grave. It was so overwhelming that initially my mind could not fully process it.

Upon returning home, I found this story in a book in shul which provided an answer:

When the Maggid of Mezeritch was but five years old a fire consumed his parent’s home and its contents. Noting his mother’s grief the child asked her:

“Mother, is it right to grieve that much for the loss of our home?”

“Heaven forbid,” his mother answered, “I do not grieve over the loss of our home but over the document of our family-tree that was burned with it. For this document traced our descent to Rabbi Yochanan HaSandler who was direct descendent of King David!”

“If so,” said the young boy, “I shall start for you a new dynasty…”

For me, you are the answer. You are the “new dynasty”. You are the answer to all the darkness in this world and all the horrible things that happened in Sudilkov. You will ensure that the memory of Sudilkov continues to live on by bringing more Jewish children into this world and telling them of our family’s history.

Always remember that your holy and pure neshoma comes from a very high place. Let your neshoma shine brightly and illuminate the world around you.

May the Ribbono shel Olam always have nachas from you little one.

I love you with all of my heart and soul,

Daddy

A Simple Jew, your search for a connection to your past has influenced your present and your future. I find it inspiring. -Neil

The picture above is of the Sudilkov Countryside

Anarchy in the Pre-K

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It’s funny how certain items symbolize completely different things during different times in your life. Hashem (God) creates everything for a purpose.

In my youth the safety pin was the symbol of all things punk. All of us “hardercore than thou” teens wore safety pins everywhere. My trademark from 1985-1990 was a chain of 18 pins (chai) pinned to my black overcoat or my band-logo infested jean jacket. I wore my safety pin chain everywhere. It even made it through my freshman year at Yeshiva University, until I put it away before going to learn in Israel.
Why a safety pin? Good question. Perhaps the inner meaning of the safety pin was a symbol of the government? A citizen-friendly society could be held together with a government acting like a safety pin. Hmmm. Maybe a safety pin has the potential to be helpful or cause harm if used incorrectly. Hmmm. The answer isn’t so deep.

From Wikipedia:
Richard Hell (born October 2, 1949) is the stage name of Richard Meyers, an American singer, songwriter and writer, probably best-known as frontman for the early punk band The Voidoids. Hell was an originator of the punk fashion look, the first to spike his hair and wear torn, cut and drawn-on shirts, often held together with safety pins.

The early punk rockers didn’t have enough money to sew their clothes, so they kept them together with safety pins. No hidden meaning. No big universal statement. They were just too cheap to get their clothes fixed.

Fast-forward from “nostalgia for an age yet to come” to September 2006. Specifically a few days before my daughter started, what they call in Chicago, Nursery. To me, nursery is where the baby goes after being born in the hospital. I prefer to all her class “Pre-K”, as she’ll be in kindergarten next year. We got a letter from the Morah telling us that each child is expected to bring tzedakka, charity, to school each day. The parents can either tape it to the child’s clothing or attach a bag with the coins to their child’s’ clothing with a…safety pin!

I smiled when I read this. The ultimate symbol of my oh-so-secular former lifestyle of individualism and rebellion is now an instrument used in helping my daughter learn about the mitzvah of tzedakka. How great is that?
For the record, the title of this posting was inspired by a T-shirt I saw.

My Kids Rock!!

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My kids always throw me for one loop after another.
Yestereday (Thursday, the 22nd), I got my 6 1/2 year old son some cereal for breakfast before I left for work. He likes his bowl of cereal, in the case Honey-Combs, without milk. Today I gave him his bowl and he made a bracha. Then, he said: Abba. Do you know why I made a bracha now, instead of after you went to work?
No, I replied.
Because I wanted you to answer Amen, he said.
I smiled, told him he made a great choice and that I was proud of him, and thought, “There must be something in the water.”

That night (last night) I had the following conversation with my soon (as she like to remind us) to be 4 year old daughter…
Daughter: Abba, Hashem make dis world, right?
Me: Yes, Hashem made everything.
Daughter: O.K. I undertand. But who makes Hashem?
Me: No one. Hashem was around before the world was created. Hashem was always here.
Daughter: So, hims here first. Hashem was first one in whole place?
Me: Yeah, you got it!
Daughter: If Hashem is first, then dat makes Hashem the winner. I gonna be on Hashem’s team. Hashem is the winner… I pick hims team.

“Must be something in the water…”