In the INSPIRED PARENTING shiurim given by R Moshe Weinberger (tape 7), I found a very meaningful eitzah in what my mindset should be when speaking with my children, especially when I might be tempted to get angry at them.
R Weinberger, based on the writings of Rav Zilberberg, says that when you get angry at your kids or have to discipline them you should try to visualize them as teens, or even adults, with children of their own. When you think about lossing your patience because you son hadn’t finished part of his homework or you daughter can’t decide exactly what she wants for breakfast remember that you are not only losing patience with a child, but with the future father or mother of your own grandchildren, and all the future generations within your family. This, to me, is a very powerful thought.
Can we even think about our own kids as bubbies and zaidies? Would we lose our cool at someone who is 60, 70, or 80 years old over something that really isn’t worth it in the end? In the heat of the moment I need to remember that before isn’t just a shayna maidel or a mentch-Yisrael, it’s the source of my family’s future.
Tinok ben Aviva update…
As I am still getting many people coming to this blog for information about Tinok Ben Aviva, I will share the following from an email I received from a list I subscribe to:
“Boruch Hashem there has been continued progress in the infant’s condition…. Rabbi Eytan Feiner expresses his Hakaras Hatov to all those who continue to have his child in their Tefillos..
so please maintain your incredible dedication and outpouring of precious tefillos. They are all so very much appreciated, and have truly accomplished a great deal thus far.”
For additional chizuk and background information I, again, suggest this web address:
http://tinok-ben-aviva.blogspot.com/
Klal Yisroel has many that need our tefillos, both young and old. Please daven!
Sunday’s Spark of Mussar
Rabbi Yisrael Lipkin of Salant
“An ignorant person with bad middos,” he would say, “is like an unarmed robber. But a learned person with bad middos is a robber fully armed.”
From Sparks of Mussar by R Chaim Ephraim Zaitchik
It’s freezing and I can’t wait for Shavuos
Parsha Tetzaveh
File Under: Overthinking music that I grew up with
A close friend of my sent me a message last week about a new album by Bob Mould, easily my favorite non-Jewish recording artist since 1984, along with a link to the album and track samples. I admit the last album I bought of this musician was back in 1996 and I’ll also admit that just last week I listened to his orignal band’s seminal work “Zen Arcade” while driving in the snow (hardcord punk seems to really go well with bad weather). I don’t often listen to his music these days, as it turns out, mostly by choice. Echos of Piamenta, Karduner, YBC, Carlebach, YHB (Yitzhak HaLevi Band) and some Diaspora tracks have a home in my iTunes (with a sprinkling of Talking Heads, Sonic Youth, and one Bad Religion song).
Well, as I looked at the names of the tracks on the album the last song’s title was familiar. I listened to the sample, and yep, I knew the song (rather well, it has been a favorite of mine for over 16 years via an accoustic concert bootleg). Those in the ‘know’ knew that it was originally slated to be on this artist’s first solo album but didn’t make the final cut.
I find it interesting that he chose now to put a song easily 20 years old on a new album…and from what I heard it’s exactly the same song . But then again, I have journal entries that are meaningful to me that I would not post on this blog. Call it ‘artistic license’, I suppose. There are things we reveal to many and many things we keep tightly in our ‘inner circle’. I guess, in this case, a musician’s choice to put a track ‘for the fans’ on an album is an added bonus for some. It’s sort of like telling that same family joke to your kids or wife, knowing that a smile will erupt.
It does give me food for thought about what things I keep to myself and what things should be revealed and the timing involved in both.
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Looking for something else to read? I suggest these:
A Simple Jew: Another 40 Days – Reopening The Notebook – Part 1
Dixie Yid: A Special One Day Trip Down South (West)
Rechovot: The Mussar in messing with the Rabbi’s parking spot
"Headlong into harm"
A Simple Jew commented here and asked me how I interpret the following said in the name of R Yisrael Lipkin of Salant: When running to complete a Mitzvah, one can destroy an entire world on the way.
I think the following two vignettes about R Yisrael should be told in order before I continue:
A) When asked to tell something over about Pesach, R Yisrael would tell his talmidim prior to Pesach that they should be careful to be nice to the widows that bake the shum’ra matza they purchase before Pesach.
B) R Yisrael was once asked to tell over a thought prior to starting davening on Yom Kippur. He told those around him that they should be careful before davening that night when they put on their tallisism and not hit the person behind them with the tzitzis of their own tallis.
Clearly being, what was viewed at the time, as highly sensitive to others was a major part of R Yisrael’s Avodas Hashem. He put a re-emphasis on mitzvos Bein Adam L’Chavero that seemed to be lacking in the mid-to-late 1800’s. For him, in fact, Bein Adam L’Chavero was an aspect of Bein Adam L’Makom.
Shabbos night two weeks ago (just after R Yisrael’s Yartzeit) I actually read the above quote to my 8yr old. I gave him the above examples and also asked him if it would be fair if he was running a race and decided to trip someone he was running against so that he could win. Of course, he thought that it would be unfair and not a “real win”. Then I used a senario that was more close to home. When we are late to shul Shabbos morning (this is a real life example) and we rush into the beis medresh so that we can get two seats together, how would Hashem look at us if we bumped into several people on the way and distrubed their kavana as they were davening to Hashem?
This is probably what R Yisrael was speaking about…frumkeit. Let me use my zerizus to do whatever I need to do to, and another’s expense, to fullfill my mitzvah. That’s what the founder of the Mussar movement was up against. I see the same thing when people go shopping and grab the last package of sushi pushing aside someone’s shopping cart or a parent cuttting off cars so that they can get a prime spot in the ‘car line’ at school. To some, it might not seem like a chiddush to be thoughtful. Others, just might not think. If each mitzvah that we do creates a malach and each person is considered a ‘world’, then how careful must we be that the path we make towards fullfilling even the ‘smallest’ mitzvah doesn’t totally destroy the proverbial flower garden that belongs to our neighbor?
Sunday’s Spark of Mussar
Rabbi Yisrael Lipkin of Salant
When running to complete a Mitzvah, one can destroy an entire world on the way.
From Sparks of Mussar by R Chaim Ephraim Zaitchik
A timely coffee stain
While pouring coffee this afternoon, I got some on my shirt. As Hashgacha would have it, I was wearing this shirt. I instantly dabbed some water on the spot in question and recalled the previously referenced post.
Interestingly, on the way home from work last night, my hisbodedus included the following:
Hashem, may you help me in not allowing the middah of Shalom to waver in my dealings with others or with myself. May your assistance help me not compromise on those things that are important to me and may negative influences not affect me, or be absorbed like a stain on me. May I use every opportunity to grow in the proper direction.
I often find lately that certain things like patience and tranquility seem to get hijacked from my control. Understanding that these are simply tests may help.
Sunday’s Spark of Mussar
Rabbi Yisrael Salanter
It is necessary to work hard at climbing the levels of Mussar and fear of Hashem just as a mountain climber must strain to climb a mountain.
From Sparks of Mussar by R Chaim Ephraim Zaitchik







