My role as a pick-up artist

I often find myself picking up candy wrappers, seforim, and the occasional napkin or fork during kiddush on Shabbos. At times, I’ve even, with a simple greeting of, “Good Shabbos Kodesh”, picked up the ears of those that I pass in the street. I make a point to also pick up garbage in front of an inside my children’s day school when I am there, as well. It is an issue of Kavod HaTorah. The Holy Hunchback, I’m not, but I try.

In Kelm the talmidim fought for the coveted position of being able to clean the Talmud Torah of Kelm and even to take out the garbage (usually a job for the oldest bochruim).

My kids know that if they are walking though shul with me and see a Dum Dum wrapper on the ground that either I’ll pick it up myself or ask them to. They don’t mind picking it up, because were they not there, they know that I’d be the one throwing it away.

I cannot stop people (usually kids) from carelessly throwing candy wrappers on the ground. However, I can make sure that the shul where I daven is fairly clean, if newcomers, guests, or non-observant Jews come by.

What to think about when your kids are chutzpadik

Graphic from here

I have noticed over the past year that my children, well the oldest (10 and 8) are now showing a sense of confindence when they talk back.  At first I chalked it up to a “phase” that my son (10) and daughter (8) were going through.  BH, our little one (4) hasn’t quite picked up on this mode of behavior.  However, a phase is usually short lived, this isn’t.  Don’t me wrong, my kids are good, loving, sensitive kids.  They just figured out that they can talk back and exercise their free choice to do so, while at times being less than respectful to others.
I was that way back in my youth.  Of course, this didn’t happen until I was about 14 or 15.

It’s not just what they say, it’s how they say it.  Often times, we will tell them thing like, “How can you say that in a nice way” or “How would you respond if someone spoke to you the way you are talking now?”

I think I will just have to accept their acts of chutzpah as par for the course.  Of course, their words do not go unnoticed nor do do they “get away” with how they speak to others.  There is a cause and effect and they are learning to understand that.  However, I am left wondering, if being chutzpadik might be derech ha’tevah?  Sort like gravity, built into the way of the world.

This line of thinking is based on what I recently was reminded of while reading In All Your Ways by R Yaakov Meir Shechter.  He quotes the gemara at the end of Sotah (49b), that says:
“In the footsteps of Moshiach, chutzpah (insolence) will increase and kavod (honor) will decrease.”

If I am to believe that Moshiach can come today (or any day), then why not simply accept chutzpah for what it is, a sign that the Geulah is coming.

J-Music and my angst

Four years ago, I blogged about my search for the type of Jewish music I would love to hear and I know that I’m not alone in my search for a “fresh sound” (see this post by the Rebbetzen’s Husband or this classic by A Simple Jew).
For me, the Jewish music I crave would combine the musical sensibility and passion of Carlebach, Diaspora, Yosef Karduner, Yitzhak HaLevi, Ruby Harris, Piamenta, and the Rabbis’ Sons. If you really want, slip some Blue Fringe, C Lanzbom, or Yeshiva Boys Choir in there, as well.  Now take that list and throw in the power and edge of Husker Du/Bob Mould, Bad Religion, Black Flag, or even a little Green Day or Foo Fighters and a pinch of R.E.M, Talking Heads, Sonic Youth, or The Police… just to balance things out.

It will probably never happen. In my humble opinion, the reason isn’t because of lack of musicianship, lack of now Observant Jews with a musical background, or lack of money to put out a CD (these days people record albums in their basement and simply sell MP3’s online). The reason is because of the stigma that is attached to rock and in-your-face-obviously-non-Jewish-music.

Were four frum college students to record acapella versions of the songs of the Ramones and replace the lyrics with “oy” and “neiy”, making niggunim, then put out a CD a week before Pesach and call themselves the Rimonim, I’m sure it would be the biggest hit ever. Why? Because for some reason acapella has became a somewhat acceptable heter for completely goyishe music that many b’nai Torah would never listen to.

So, what’s a guy like me to do. I’ve got my kids, finally, getting hip to “Hafachta” (Diaspora) and “Hashem Melech” (Yosef Karduner). I constantly play Piamenta’s “Mitzvah” album and find myself humming everything from the Offspring to They Might Be Giants. There’s no middle ground. I get it, it’s like Havdallah (hmm… good name for a band. I should have them record my little niggun). It’s that separation between kodesh and chol. However, part of internalizing Havdallah is that we take that kedusha and infuse it into our six days of chol. It’s funny. Musicians have been banned, black(hat)listed, and looked down upon because they have chosen to mimic or base their songs on non-Jewish music. I can hear it (no pun intended).

However, look at the consumer food industry. Baruch Hashem we have many non-Jewish owned companies that are producing warehouses and truckloads of products with hechsharim on them. Ketchup, canned beans, sugar, pasta, soda, oven bags (we call them chullent bags), salsa, and the list goes on. Now, if I can buy those items, many which have been influenced by non-Jewish food trends, and I’m making a bracha on them (before and after), then it’s ok. I’ll go step further. Let’s say that a frum company in New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, or Toronto (for those readers in the Great White North) decides to make (we’ll really they co-producing and co-packaging, they are not “making” the items themselves) their own brand’s salsa, canned beans, dishwashing soap, or chocolate chips. What makes that ok?

I know. Because it’s important for us, the consumers, to helps support frum people and companies. If I can buy a heimishe packaged product instead of a non-Jewish owned product or a “store brand”, then I’m helping to complete the circle of life (the Yidden make/package the food and then other Yidden buy/consume the food). It’s part of what makes America great… free enterprise. I’m all for it.

That being written, we know that many Torah observant Jews are listening to non-Jewish music. Why not quench their thirst with music made and sold by frum Yidden? We do the same thing with everything from orange juice to chocolate syrup. There is a possible light at the end of the tunnel, though. But, first you’ll have to let me reminisce about my high school days.

I grew up in a city that didn’t always have concerts featuring band that I liked in high school. Wichita, Kansas was only three hours from Kansas City, so many of the bigger names would play there. We did get our share of smaller bands on independent labels come through, but it wasn’t a concert destination. The lack of punk/alternative shows helped produce a semi-thriving local band scene. With everything from folky-R.E.M.esque bands to bands that played faster that the speed of light, were were consantly looking forward to watching them play everywhere from bowling alleys to “under 21” clubs to living rooms. It was great. These bands combined the sounds of “our music” with local references and kept us happy and buying cassette tapes.

The aforementioned light at the end of the tunnel may be in the many observant communities that are home to fantastic day schools, excellent yeshivas/girls schools, innovative chessed programs, and effective kollels and outreach programs. Call it the “out-of-town-sound”, if you will. It’s the local Jewish bands. These are bands where you have FFBs and BTs getting together to create music that they want to play. Often these band have blended several styles of music into something that sounds a little familiar to our favorite “non-Jewish” music, but distinctively original and interlaced with pasukim that are just as familiar to us. They may rock hard and have a dedicated following that spans a generation, but their success and popularity still is under the radar. There are many of these bands out there in many of our communities, I think.

Baruch Hashem, there are a few fairly local bands in my neck of the woods that I enjoy listening to. They are both comprised of skilled musicians who have various professions. In Chicago there’s Even Sh’siyah, Ruby Harris, and a little further away in Milwaukee you can find The Moshe Skier Band. All are solid and passionate about their music. If you are looking for something “new” and not a low-toner-produced-photocopy-of-bad-non-Jewish music, then check them out.

But, there have to be more bands out there. If you know of local bands in your area, please let me know by way of commenting or simply emailing me.

The middah of Simplicity

My thoughts about histapkut, simplicity, are currently posted at madrega.com.

Here’s teaser:

Exercising histapkut helps one gain a level of maturity to approach life by realizing what is really important. This middah is very different than the concept of sameach b’chelko, “being happy with one’s lot”.

When I was in my teens, one of my favorite games to play with my friends was “Desert Island Discs”, based on the BBC Radio program. We were all big music fans and we would each come up with a list every six months of what ten albums we would want if we were on a desert island. Then we would…

To read this in its entirety or hear the recorded mp3 about this middah (record my me), you’ll have to go to madrega.com and register (for free) to join this exciting web-community designed for self-growth.
It’s easy to join and will only cost you time time you invest.

My 5 second rule

No, not the one about food falling on the floor.

In Elul I started holding my food or beverage of choice (usually iced coffee) in my hand for at least five second prior to making the appropriate bracha.  This has allowed me to have more patience and also lets me think a bit before actually making a bracha.

Recently I’ve expanded this rule to my cell phone.  When I get a text I make myself wait at least five seconds before even reaching for my phone because I want to remember that I’m in charge, not my phone.

Help… I need middos

Well, really, what I’m looking for are successful Middos programs that have been run in day schools.
I’ve heard of Project D.E.R.E.C.H.,but I don’t have any contact information about the actual program.
If you know of any programs out there please let me know.  Our school did have a Middos Awareness
Program (M.A.P) that focused on a specifc middah per month, but it needs revamping.
I’m attempting to work on a project for the day school our children attend and any resourse info would be great.

Neil Harris
neilsharris@gmail.com