Category Archives: Mussar

Shut up and read this (or "How to use nice words")

An Adam Gadol is given this title because he is great.  Great in Torah, great in Middos, great in making everything he or she does into Avodas Hashem.  I recently read the following at chabad.org  regarding the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s style of writing:

It is clear from the Rebbe’s editing patterns that talking and writing positively are always an imperative. Apparently because positive writing has a beneficial influence on the reader’s thought process.


This particular response – actually an edit – that I unearthed was penned by the Rebbe on the margins of a letter drafted by one of the Rebbe’s secretaries (based on the Rebbe’s dictation) for a dinner that was to take place on the day after Passover. The Rebbe writes on the draft: “!!!סגנון דהיפך הטוב הוא” “the wording is the opposite of good!!!”*
Here is the text the Rebbe was referring to:
Had the Jewish children in Egypt not received a Jewish education … there would be no one to liberate…


The Rebbe wrote in Hebrew how the text should be corrected—and this is the way it was translated and appeared in the final version:
…it is only because the Jewish children in Egypt received the proper Jewish education… our whole Jewish people… was liberated from Egyptian slavery…


*Note that the Rebbe wrote “the opposite of good”—another hallmark of the Rebbe’s, never to say or write the word commonly used to connote “the opposite of good.”

I found this very interesting, because the importance of how we speak is also illustrated in the following excerpt from the biography of Rav Dessler:

Rabbi Nachum Vevel [Rav Dessler’s son] Dessler’s childhood memories of this maternal grandmother Rebbetzin Peshe Ziv [the Alter of Kelm’s daughter-in-law] provide some glimpse of the rareifed atmosphere in which his mother was raised.  He once refused to eat the food his grandmother offered him, complaining that the plate was shmutzik (dirty).  His grandmother told him that she would be happy to offer him another plate, but that he must not talk like that.  “We do not say the plate is dirty,” she said.  “We say that the plate is not clean.”

The young boy could barely comprehend what his grandmother was talking about, and replied, “But everyone speaks like that.”  His grandmother was unfazed.  “That may be,” she said, “but you come from a long line of people who do not talk like that.”

Negativity breeds negativity.  Saying something in a positive way probably requires thought, at times.  It’s easier to say that “the soup went bad” than to say “the soup isn’t good”.    A refined way of phrasing something can make all the difference.

Sunday’s Slabodka Selection

“A small town has no change  for large bills.”
Rav Nosson Zvi Finkel, the Alter of Slabodka


2 cents:  Yeah, there might be change for two cents in Slabodka.  I have always thought that this quote from the Alter meant that in relationships with others, or in a kehillah, “large bills”(an ego) really just gets in the way.  When we put ourselves first, that’s were problems arise.

Sunday’s Salanter Selection

Musar and good behavior cannot be rendered durable without extensive stratagems, to bind the instruments of the mind thereto, until a strong impression is made upon the heart, whereupon the outer limbs are suffused with strength and bring forth into actuality the exalted goal: lowly physical lusts- shameful vainglory and jealousy- can no longer restrain one [in this strategic effort].- Rav Yisrael Lipkin (Salanter) from Letter One in Ohr Yisrael

Translated and cited on page 31 of Israel Salanter: Text, Structure, Idea by R Hillel Goldberg

Sunday’s Spark of Mussar

Rav Naftali Amsterdam


A resolution to bring all of Jewry back to Torah was found in his satchel.  When asked how he planned to carry out this resolution, he replied, “I have resolved to keep all the laws of the Shulchan Oruch strictly.  In this way I will serve as a living Shulchan Oruch, and anyone who wants to keep the Torah will be able to see in me a living example of a complete Jew and learn from me how to return to the Torah.”

From Sparks of Mussar by R Chaim Ephraim Zaitchik

Novardok, question and an answer

I posted the following comment on Cross-Currents:
“I’ve always wondered why, if Novardhok mussar resulted in such a true Simchas HaChaim, didn’t it continue to spread after the Holocaust? I would have thought that after the war, Novardhok’s message of not giving up and carrying on would have been welcome.”


One reader took time to email me the following response:


Good question.
I am not a Novhardoker, nor a son or grandson of one (if you define it as someone who learned in a Yeshiva that was part of the Novhardok network) – that is to my knowledge. Although I had a an elter zeide who lived in the city.

I see that you ask one question in the second sentence of your comment, while the third sentence seems to be asking something a bit different.

Anyway, first to the second sentence question – Briefly, I would venture to say that although R. Shafran’s point is well-taken, it is lost on some, perhaps many/most people. Not everyone is a deep thinker like him, and some people only saw absorbed the part that, as he wrote “Novardhok had a reputation for a pietistic and morose – to some even morbid – philosophy.” I suspect that even some/many/maybe most students, their children, and kal vachomer outsiders, didn’t get beyond the part of Novhardok that ridiculed olam hazeh pre-occupation, etc., which ultimately can yield the simcha, when properly handled. R. Nekritz was a great man, not everyone made it that far, some just absorbed part one, and didn’t get to part two. I could elaborate more I guess. 


I thank this person for taking time to give me a reply.





Sunday’s Salanter Selection

Rav Yisrael Lipkin of Salant use to say:

The greatness of the Ari Zal and the Vilna Goan went beyond their command of vast amounts of Torah knowledge- both open and the esoteric parts; their greatness lay in never deviating in the slightest from the directives of the Shulchan Aruch.

From Tenuas HaMussar

Sunday’s Spark of Mussar

Rav Nosson Zvi Finkel, the Alter of Slabodka


He use to say that a person should always suspect himself, for even his good deeds may stem from impure motives.  “Perhaps,” he said, “the reason I built my whole Mussar approach on the greatness of the first man stems from the fact that the first shmuse I heard from R’ Simcha Zissel Ziv was on that subject.”


From Sparks of Mussar by R Chaim Ephraim Zaitchik

Hitting a wall

 ( Photo from here )
Ever feel like you’ve hit a wall and you really have only one option and that option is to just break through said wall?
I’m sure you have.  Most of us do.  The problem I have, is that I’ve realized that the wall happens to be a mirror and my own reflection is what’s stopping me.
There’s no easy way to say it.  It stinks, like the skunk I happened to have ran over the other day.  The smell just lingers.  I tend, when all is said (or written) and done, to be the one real wall.  I am the person who holds myself back from my own goals.  Like the many people that read this and don’t comment, I end to chose silence over real action.
Without getting to personal (I leave all the personal chizonius for Facebook), for all of the hours spent in hisbodedus and reading Mussar seforim, I, and all the pleasant insecurities that make me who I am, are the wall that keeps me from going forward.
Reb Nachman said it like this from Likkutei Moharan 2:119:

This world is like a little coin that is before one’s eyes and blocks out a great mountain.  One can easily move the coin aside and see the mountain

I just need to grab hold of the coin and put it into the pocket of my khaki pants.