Category Archives: chinuch

Building a child

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Every building has a foundation. The bigger the structure the deeper the foundation.The architect and construction manager survey the land before any work is started.
It is decided how many workers were needed, where to start digging and how much material should be used…all prior to building the foundation.

A few years ago I saw some plans for an addition my brother-in-law was adding on to his home. Most amazing to me was that the plans even showed where each builder would stand as the foundation was built. Every detail counts.
I once heard that a father asked the Chofetz Chaim at what age does chinuch for a child begin? His answer was to that chinuch starts when the child is born.

Chinch lesson from Purim and links

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My kids and I decided that our first Shaloch Manos should be given to the principal of their day school (he lives around the corner from us). As my son and daughter (the baby stayed at home) were walking, my daughter said, “I can’t wait to see to Rabbi (name withheld). I want to pick a prize”.

The principal happens to be a very speical person. Not only does he give the kids money to put into a pushka in his home, but he also takes a picture with each kid that comes to see him, and lets them pick a small prize. My 4 1/2 yr old daughter remembered getting a prize last year.

As my daughter said the above sentence to me, I reminded her that the mitzvah is to give Shaloch Manos, not to get Shaloch Manos or prizes from others.

The ikar is to give.


Several links I enjoyed:
LIfe in Israel: Video of the Hazon Ish
A Simple Jew: Disturbing Rabbi Yisrael Salanter During Hisbodedus
Cross-Currents: Wiki-Orthodoxy and the Undervaluing of Torah

Shepping Nachas

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As a parent I wonder how my children behave when I’m not around. We all hope that our kids learn positive things at home and in school and apply the lessons in everyday life.

My wife was recently told the following story about our first grader.
My son’s gym class was having a unit on rollerskating. The mother of one of the kids’ was helping out the gym teacher one day and told my wife that she’s so happy her son has a friend like our son.

It seems that her son has having a little trouble getting comfortable on rollerskates. She observed my son whizzing by on his rollerblades. She saw my son pass her child, as her son fell, and my son circled around to see if he was alright.

This mother then told my wife that she saw my son purposely fall down and say to her son, “See, everyone falls down. It’s no big deal”. My son helped his friend up and they continued on.

I am thankful to have experienced true nachas ruach!

Question and Answer with A Simple Jew

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Neil Harris asks:
As parents who’ve just started the road of Jewish education what things do you intend to teach at home that might not be taught during the school day to your children?
A Simple Jew answers:
Most importantly, I want to teach my children about their family’s history. In May 2003, I wrote a letter to my oldest daughter that I have included below. I am going to give this letter to her when she is old enough to understand. I also plan to write similar personalized letters to my son and youngest daughter.

My little one:

As I write this letter, you are only nine months-old and too young to comprehend these words. I want to share my thoughts and prayers for you, and to tell you about your important role in our family.

By the time you read this letter you will know about our family’s roots in the shtetl of Sudilkov. You will also know what happened to Sudilkov’s Jews after our family was safe in America.

Your mother and I decided to start our family while standing on a bridge over the Gouska stream in Sudilkov. Two days later, we visited the gravesite of the holy Baal Shem Tov and prayed that G-d bless us with a child. Our prayers were answered. On the third night of Hanukkah we found out that your mother was pregnant with you.

My visit to Sudilkov was one of the defining events in my life. I was haunted for days after visiting the site of the mass grave. It was so overwhelming that initially my mind could not fully process it.

Upon returning home, I found this story in a book in shul which provided an answer:

When the Maggid of Mezeritch was but five years old a fire consumed his parent’s home and its contents. Noting his mother’s grief the child asked her:

“Mother, is it right to grieve that much for the loss of our home?”

“Heaven forbid,” his mother answered, “I do not grieve over the loss of our home but over the document of our family-tree that was burned with it. For this document traced our descent to Rabbi Yochanan HaSandler who was direct descendent of King David!”

“If so,” said the young boy, “I shall start for you a new dynasty…”

For me, you are the answer. You are the “new dynasty”. You are the answer to all the darkness in this world and all the horrible things that happened in Sudilkov. You will ensure that the memory of Sudilkov continues to live on by bringing more Jewish children into this world and telling them of our family’s history.

Always remember that your holy and pure neshoma comes from a very high place. Let your neshoma shine brightly and illuminate the world around you.

May the Ribbono shel Olam always have nachas from you little one.

I love you with all of my heart and soul,

Daddy

A Simple Jew, your search for a connection to your past has influenced your present and your future. I find it inspiring. -Neil

The picture above is of the Sudilkov Countryside

How Not to Say Selichos

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The following was emailed to me as part of the Rabbi Yisrael Salatner Daily e-list compiled by Prof. Yitzchok Levine, and is being posted with permission from Prof. Levine:

Given that Ashkenazim begin saying Selichos this Sunday, I think that the piece below is particularly apropo at this time of year.
From pages 215 to 216 of the Mussar Movement, Volume 1, Part 2.
He [Rabbi Salanter] would point to many such object lessons [where people harm others while doing a mitzvah] in every day life:

It is customary at the end of the month of Elul and during the Ten Days of Penitence to rise in the middle of the night or very early inthe morning for the Selichot services. In their eagerness to perform the mitzvah, people commitmany misdeeds.
It is not infrequent for an energetic individual to make so much noise in rising from bed that he wakes his entire household and even the neighbors.
Sometimes there are sick people or infants in the vicinity, and his behavior causes them pain and suffering.
One individual might even have the housemaid rise and make tea for him. In most cases, she is a widow or orphan, and so he transgresses the prohibition, “You shall notafflict any widow or fatherless child.”
In his haste he pours dirty water in a place where people pass by, and so he sets an obstacle in a public domain.
When he enters the synagogue; he might discover that his lectern has been moved from its place.
He reprimands the shamash, and in this instance he is guilty of slander and publicly shaming his neighbor.
Sometimes the one who has moved his lectern is a full-time student who has been awake all night engrossed in Torah study, and the owner now inflicts grief and humiliation upon a Talmid Chacham.
And so R. Israel enumerated seven grave transgressions one is liable to commit in this instance, yet remain sublimely unaware of having done anything wrong and derive smug self-satisfaction from his fervent prayerand sincere repentance, blissfully unconscious tha this loss outweighs his gain.
Earlier issues of The Daily Salanter are at http://www.stevens.edu/golem/llevine/salanter/

Anarchy in the Pre-K

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It’s funny how certain items symbolize completely different things during different times in your life. Hashem (God) creates everything for a purpose.

In my youth the safety pin was the symbol of all things punk. All of us “hardercore than thou” teens wore safety pins everywhere. My trademark from 1985-1990 was a chain of 18 pins (chai) pinned to my black overcoat or my band-logo infested jean jacket. I wore my safety pin chain everywhere. It even made it through my freshman year at Yeshiva University, until I put it away before going to learn in Israel.
Why a safety pin? Good question. Perhaps the inner meaning of the safety pin was a symbol of the government? A citizen-friendly society could be held together with a government acting like a safety pin. Hmmm. Maybe a safety pin has the potential to be helpful or cause harm if used incorrectly. Hmmm. The answer isn’t so deep.

From Wikipedia:
Richard Hell (born October 2, 1949) is the stage name of Richard Meyers, an American singer, songwriter and writer, probably best-known as frontman for the early punk band The Voidoids. Hell was an originator of the punk fashion look, the first to spike his hair and wear torn, cut and drawn-on shirts, often held together with safety pins.

The early punk rockers didn’t have enough money to sew their clothes, so they kept them together with safety pins. No hidden meaning. No big universal statement. They were just too cheap to get their clothes fixed.

Fast-forward from “nostalgia for an age yet to come” to September 2006. Specifically a few days before my daughter started, what they call in Chicago, Nursery. To me, nursery is where the baby goes after being born in the hospital. I prefer to all her class “Pre-K”, as she’ll be in kindergarten next year. We got a letter from the Morah telling us that each child is expected to bring tzedakka, charity, to school each day. The parents can either tape it to the child’s clothing or attach a bag with the coins to their child’s’ clothing with a…safety pin!

I smiled when I read this. The ultimate symbol of my oh-so-secular former lifestyle of individualism and rebellion is now an instrument used in helping my daughter learn about the mitzvah of tzedakka. How great is that?
For the record, the title of this posting was inspired by a T-shirt I saw.

Overheard at the Shabbos Table

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Note: My next posting will continue Rav Yisrael’s Salatners 13 Midos- #3

During Shabbos lunch the conversation turned to local day camps. When asked how camp was going, one child commented that things were good, but their seemed to be rivalry between the boys what attend one day school and boys from another day school. The source of the rivalry centered around haskafa, learning, and mitzvah obeservance. Several people, inlcuding myself, commented that it’s ashame this has to happen during the Three Weeks. The camp director, as reported by campers at the table, also made a similar comment to the entire camp.
My wife, in her infnite wisdom, said, “Why shoud we only be sensitive to this during the Three Weeks?”

Oberserving the Mashgiach

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(Pictured to the right: Rav Mattisyahu Salomon and Rabbi Pinchas Stolper, in a photo I took 3 feet away from them)

I had the incredible opportunity this past Sunday, May 7th, to join about 1200 other Jews to celebrate in the dedication of the new home of Congregation Adas Yeshurun Anshe Kanesses Israel (West Rogers Park, Chicago) and the Hachnassas Sefer Torah, of a Torah that has been in the family of the shul’s Rabbi, Rabbi Zev Cohen, for over 102 years. It seemed that for the Chicago Tribune this was the hightlight of the day, as evident here:http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chicago/chi-0605080206may08,1,4753021.story
It was a beautful event that started with a five block procession full of music, dancing, and true simcha, and ended with words of chizuck from Rav Salomon. The Tribune, which did a great job covering the monumentous event, didn’t see what I saw. They did have a picture in paper of Rav Salomon (stating that he was venerated) but that was the only reference to him. The Tribune was kind enough to quote me, though. Sadly they opted not to print everything I said.

What they didn’t print was that as incredible as it was to see boys from Skokie Yeshiva dancing with boys from Telshe, as great as it was to see so many people come out to show unity for the one thing that unites all Jews, the Torah, it was just as great that Rav Salomon came to Chicago to attend the simcha.
My six year old and I were there right when he came outside to go under the chuppah and start the march up Sacramento towards Touhey. As Rav Mattisyah went under the chuppah, countless children, including my son, came up and gave him a Shalom Alechiem. He smiled at each child and extended his hand numerous times.

As the Mashgiach walked, flanked by Rabbi Cohen and Rabbi Stolper (Rabbi Cohen’s father-in-law), I could see true simcha in his face. I couldn’t help but think to myself, “How cool is this. I’m dancing literally 3-4 feet away from the Mashgiach of Lakewood. In his hands is a Torah that has survived our darkest hours in recent history. This Torah has been in America since 1906 and watched Torah Judaism blossom”. I watched how carefully he took each step, holding all that we all hold so dear in our hearts…the Torah. I watched him smile, shake hands, and speak of how important limud Torah is and how we must remember this day and what it mean to us and our children. A true Adam Gadol in every sense of the word.
To attend Sunday’s event was an honor. To have Rav Mattisyahu Salomon attend was a koved for the community. To attend it with by son, unforgetable.

A Special thanks to Blogger Rafi G, for linking my blog to his post on Sunday’s event.
http://lifeinisrael.blogspot.com/2006/05/unusual-hachnassat-sefer-torah.html