Boys Night Out

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Motzai Shabbos my son and I went out. We went to a Mesibas Lag B’Omer hosted by the Chicago Center for Torah & Chessed, which is under the leadership of Rav Yehoshua Eichenstein.

We both had a great time. The bonfire was awesome, as was the Diet Mountain Dew. There was plenty of dancing and my son ran into some friends from his class (which is always nice). We danced and sang together around the fire, with other yidden in West Rogers Park. It was beautiful to see my 7 yr old son having such a great time just enjoying the pure simcha of the moment!
We really didn’t know that many people there (we did go there with very good friends, though), and the majority of the kids there were not from the school we send our kids to, but together we danced and remembered Rabbi Akiva, Shimon Bar Yochi and their Torah.

As we walked home, I asked my son if he had a good time. He said the bonfire rocked! He then said, “Abba, the best part was when you said the we should dance. Then you asked me if you thought I could keep up with everyone. But, I was the one going faster than you. I was pulling you and you had to keep up with me!”
We put effort, time, and tefillah into our kids to follow a certain path. In the end, it’s the children, at times, who end up leading us.

Parshas Emor

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וְכִי-תִזְבְּחוּ זֶבַח-תּוֹדָה, לַיהוָה–לִרְצֹנְכֶם, תִּזְבָּחוּ. ל בַּיּוֹם הַהוּא יֵאָכֵל, לֹא-תוֹתִירוּ מִמֶּנּוּ עַד-בֹּקֶר: אֲנִי, יְהוָה. לא וּשְׁמַרְתֶּם, מִצְו‍ֹתַי, וַעֲשִׂיתֶם, אֹתָם: אֲנִי, יְהוָה. לב וְלֹא תְחַלְּלוּ, אֶת-שֵׁם קָדְשִׁי, וְנִקְדַּשְׁתִּי, בְּתוֹךְ בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל: אֲנִי יְהוָה, מְקַדִּשְׁכֶם. לג הַמּוֹצִיא אֶתְכֶם מֵאֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם, לִהְיוֹת לָכֶם לֵאלֹהִים: אֲנִי, יְהוָה. (from here)

And when you slaughter a thanksgiving offering to the Lord, you shall slaughter it so that it should be acceptable for you. It shall be eaten on that day; do not leave it over until morning. I am the Lord. You shall keep My commandments and perform them. I am the Lord. You shall not desecrate My Holy Name. I shall be sanctified amidst the children of Israel. I am the Lord Who sanctifies you, Who took you out of the land of Egypt, to be a God to you. I am the Lord. (Vayikra 22: 29-33, from here)

These pasukim contain a key concepts in the life a Torah observant Jew. We are told that our offering to Hashem is not to be left over until the morning. This shows a lack of zerizus. We should complete a mitzvah that we start. If we need a reason then look at the end of verse 30: I am Hashem. If the king command us to do something, then we should do it.

What is the reason that the mitzvah of not deserating Hashem’s name (Chillul Hashem) is introducted now?
I believe that by leaving over an offering or not following through on a mitzvah we are creating a Chillul Hashem. The only way to counter-act an act of Chillul Hashem is with mitzvah of Kiddush Hashem, which is why that mitzvah is introduced in the next pasuk. If we need a reason why we are obligated with a mitzvah to sanctify Hashem’s name, then look to the next pasuk… I am the Lord Who sanctifies you, Who took you out of the land of Egypt, to be a God to you.
Hashem brought us out of Egypt to receive the Torah and be a Kiddush Hashem.

The way we serve Hashem and the zerizus we show makes an impact on ourselves and we come in contact with.

Today I went to my children’s school to purchase some pizza tickets. Outside the school I saw a group of 6th grade boys cleaning up and working in the garden in front of the day school. They were happily working with pride

Those boys are learning that they should take pride in their school and that beautification of the school is not only an aspect of Kavod haTorah but a Kiddush Hashem to those who pass by and see kids gardening. How appropriate that I saw this as the mitzvah of Kiddush Hashem falls out in Parshas Emor.

Music in my head

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Well, it’s almost Log B’Omer and for me that means basically two major things: I can trim my beard and start listening to music again.

This year during sefira I did something I had not done before. Several years ago I heard an interview with Stephen King on NPR. He mentioned that he often makes a list of what CDs or songs he listens to on a monthly basis and sees if it influences what he writes. I thought that was a pretty cool idea at the time, but left it at that.

This year I tried to write down on, when I could, what songs popped into my head and what triggered them. Silence, or in my case, lack of listening to anything besides some acapella tracks and shiurim, tends to clean out my mind.

Certain songs kept popping in my head during the past few weeks. Lot of niggunim from Songs of the Rebbes by Piamenta and several instrumental songs also from Strings of my Heart. Reb Shlomo Carlebach’s songs got constant air-play in my mind, as did D’vekus.
I find it interesting that although I listen to more “modern” Jewish music, it was these older classics that I found myself humming.
Now, for the secular non-Jewish music..
As I mentioned, I tried to keep track of what triggered the music that came in my head. Here’s a random list and what prompted me to think of the song or lyrics:
“Driver 8” (R.E.M)- I was driving home from work as saw a kite stuck in a phone/power line and thought of the lyrics “powerlines have floaters so the airplanes won’t get snagged”.

“I am a Rock”” (Simon and Garfunkel)- As I was thinking isolation and The Lonely Man of Faith one day and this just crept in my brain.

“De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da” (The Police)- playing with the 7 month old babyUberdox and listening to her babble.
“Until the End of the World” (U2)- My son told me that his baseball card collection would be around until the end of the world and automatically this song started up.

“I Don’t Know What You’re Talking About” (Husker Du)- One night after the kids had gone to bed I was thinking about Rabbi Akiva’s lost talmidim that we are mourning and these profoundly simple lyrics, “There’s more to life than being right and wrong. There’s something in between called getting along,” came to mind.

Finally, several songs by a certain seminal Brittish punk band- I heard a commercial on the radio for Virgin Atlantic Airways with a testimonial by guitarist Steve Jones.
What’s the point of all this? Well, even though most of these songs I haven’t listened to in almost a decade (with the exception of the Husker Du track), have stayed stuck in my head. It’s kind of scary when I think about it. A song tune or lyrics can re-surface in my brain after staying dormant for years, yet I have trouble memorizing pasukim from Chumash or Tehillim. As I wrote, it’s scary. I find this to be pretty good mussar for myself.

By the way, as I was thinking of a title for this posting the original choice was “What’s Going On (Inside My Head)”, but that is the title of a Husker Du track. Then I thought about “iPod of the Mind”, as a reference the poetry book “Coney Island of the Mind” by Lawrence Ferlinghetti.
Then it became “An iPod in my Mind”, but then the song “Carolina in my Mind” by James Tayor popped in my head and I don’t really even know all of the lyrics. Oy Vey!

Doing with what I don’t enjoy doing

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or The one thing I don’t enjoy about being a parent

Warning: Part one of this post deals with a not so pleasant subject matter. Please do not read before eating.

Part One
Throw up, vomit, barf, hurle, puke, or kyle (a euphemism I coined in the mid-eighties after working at a day camp with a camper named Kyle, who threw up a lot). Cleaning up my children’s vomit is the one thing I really don’t enjoy. I don’t like the way it looks or smells.

My 4 yr old was sick last week, really sick. She tried to make it to the bathroom (and did for the second round) but didn’t quiet make it on the first try. We have very little carpeting in our home, which worked to my advantage for clean up.

I really can’t stand the smell that results from the act of vomiting. In fact, I almost start throwing up myself (like in the movie “Stand By Me“), as was the case last week.

I’ve found over the years that it’s best to clean up this kind of mess with a “Chip Clip” plugging my nose. It hurts a bit, but it works for me. The clip on my nose and a can of Lysol works pretty well for me. I don’t smell a thing and can take care of what needs to be cleaned up. My daughter was really brave and actually got a good laugh at me with my chip clip on my nose.

In the end, my daughter went back to sleep (after a bath) and I got to work on clean up. It was really quite yucky. The floor outside the bathroom and the bathroom itself do smell great, though.

Part Two
I admit, despite the crutch of the chip clip, I did alright with a situation that I can’t stand. As I was driving to work two days later (I only have a 12 minute commute and I tend to think really fast after two cups of coffee in the morning) I asked myself, “Why is it that when push comes to shove, I can muster enough gusto to deal with throw up, but still can’t deal with other things in life that smell a whole lot better?”

Perhaps it’s has to do with the necessity of a situation. With vomit on a floor you really have no choice but to clean it up. Other things like: staying up way too late, wanting to sleep in, putting off a conversation with someone about something serious, changes in careers, dealing with the reality of your kids not being “A plus” students, taking on a more healthier lifestyle…can all be put off for a while. Or, at least, that what I tell myself.

If we can delay dealing with issues we don’t like, then we do. Scratch that! If I can delay dealing with issues that I don’t like, then I do.

In truth, my approach needs to be more like dealing with vomit. If it’s on the floor, then it needs to be cleaned up.

I read a great quote from Avi Shulman years ago. I, of course, wrote it down:
“Until the pain of staying the same become greater than the pain of change, we will never change.”

My Breslov Moment

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Recently I moved in my office. It wasn’t a big move, just across my department from one desk to another. It did require me unplugging my computer and moving it, as well.

As I was underneath my new desk and hooking up all the plugs back into my computer tower I looked up and saw the underside of my desk. It was a perspective that I had not viewed things from before. It looked pretty much like the underside of a table, no big suprise.

I recalled playing under our dining room table when I was young and I have a destinctive memory of being 2 1/2 or 3 yrs old and eating pizza crust (I called them “pizza bones” under our dining room table in Baldwin, NY.

I, of course, remembered the classic Reb Nachman story, The Turkey Prince. If you are not familiar with it, please follow the link and then return to this posting.
After spending some time under my desk I realized that it’s easy to get caught up in having a limited perspective on things, especially if you’re under a table with a long tablecloth. I forget about things beyond my sight all too often.

When one only views things from their own vantage point (under a table) it’s easy to think that the sky ends at the top of the table. It’s easy to think that one is tall enough to touch the sky (top of the table) and one’s ego gets inflated with arrogance.

The truth is that the world beyond the underside of a table is what’s important. Whether it’s family or work. Plugging USB cords in a computer is only preparation to dealing with the work on top of my desk.

I now have a much better understanding of the wisdom of Reb Nachman.

For a deeper analysis of The Turkey Prince, I recommend reading Under the Table by Avraham Greenbaum.

Shadows of Slabodka in HTC

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A few months ago marked the 80th yartzeit of Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel, the Alter of Slabodka. I was reading a publication emailed to me from The Alter on the Parsha and at the end was a list of the major talmidim of the Alter and where they went on to teach. As I read the list I noticed that three Slabodka students ended up in Beis HaMidrash LaTorah (Hebrew Theological College) here in the Chicago area.

Recently I happened to be working as a mashgiach at a chasunah, and I spoke with a someone who had received semicha from HTC. I casually asked him about one of the names listed: Rav Selig Starr, z’tl.

It turns out that the person I spoke with (and other members of his family) learned from Rav Starr. It was total hashgacha pratis (no pun intended). I, of course, asked if he had ever heard anything from Rav Starr about the Alter of Slabodka. Here is what I was told:
Rav Starr was , “A walking adverisement for Slabodka”.

He was famous for saying, “You should know what you know and know what you don’t know”.

Rav Starr once said in shiur that while in Slabodka he was part of a chabura lead by the Alter, that included Rabbis: Ruderman, Hutner, Kamenetsky, and Kotler.
The Alter once told them “I am supposed to teach you mussar. What can I teach you?
I’ll ask you a question: What happens if you kill someone with a gun?”
The talmidim answered that you are chiav misah.
The Alter then asked them, “What if you kill someone with a chair?”
The talmidim answered that you are chiav misah.
The Alter then asked them, “What if you kill someone with a Sefer Torah?”
Again, the talmidim answered that you are chiav misah.
The Alter then said, “You are the future of klal Yisroel. You will be the Rabbanim and Roshei Yeshiva of the next generation. Never ever kill anyone with a Sefer Torah.” With that the chabura ended.
I think the approach the Alter was trying to teach was the reason that Slabodka infuenced the creation and expansion of successful Yeshivas in America. Torah when properly taught is meant to bring someone up (part of the Slabodka philosophy). A sensitivity to the individual and they way we teach Torah to children is the yesod of successful chinuch, in my opinion.

For more information about Rav Starr, including his famous “Ten Commandments” click here.

The Lonely Blogger of Faith

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As I wrote previously, I had intended to, and did, finish The Lonely Man of Faith during Chol Hamoed, in time for Rav Soloveitchik’s yarteitz. I wasn’t planning on blogging about it, but the one year anniversary of this blog just passed last week (April 12th) and I got to thinking and reflecting on things.

I first read LMoF during several afternoons in Gilo Park. It was a quite open space to read and think about if I really got it or not. That was 17 years ago. I really didn’t get the whole essay, I admit. The two Adams, community, lack of connection to a greater whole…if you’ve read it you know what I’m talking about.

So there I was this past Pesach reading it again. This time I was in a friends’ home, with my six month old on my lap, my 4 yr. old daughter singing some song she made up about “matzah, butterflies, and Polly Pockets” and my 7 yr. old son and two friends engaged in a high intensity game of Celebrity Kugelach Yom Tov Showdown! A far cry from Gilo Park. And a far cry from being lonely.

My Blogoversary came and went and I still hadn’t posted. Something I had read in LMoF kept creeping back in my mind. It was the last two sentences of chapter four. The Rav write about Adam’s (the second) need for a community.

His quest is for a new kind of fellowship, which one finds in the existential community. There, not only are hands joined, but experiences as well; there, one hears not only the rhythmic sound of the production line, but also the rhythmic beats of hearts starved for existenial companionship and all-embracing sympathy and experiencing the grandeur of the faith commitment; there, one lonely soul finds another soul tormented by loneliness and solitued yet unqalifiedly committed.

I started this blog a year ago for several reasons. The main on was to get back into the regular habit of writing. Another reason was to try express some thoughts and ideas in a format that would be readable and maybe interesting to others.

Along the way I’ve learned a lot about myself and my relationship with those I care for and for Hashem. I’ve also learned that the posts I’m most proud of are the ones I’ve written (most of which get few if any comments). I also learned that the one time I wrote a post for the ‘people’, it wasn’t in the spirit of what I’m all about.

Interstingly, I found other out there who have very important, deep, and humorous things to say. The JBlogosphere is a community very similar, IMHO, to what is described by the Rav in the quote above. I suppose that on some level, I was in a way lonely and was looking for a ‘community’, abeit a virutal one when I started blogging.

The truth is that I really own a tremendous thanks to my Uberwife, who not only has listened to me talk about ‘blog related things’, but as has encourage me to continue writing.

I would like to thank one blogger that I reguarly exchange emails, links, and ideas with. If he is reading this, he knows who he is.

Deepest thanks to those who link my blog and to Ezzie and Rafi G, who were the first people to actually link one of my posts.

I’d like to also think a rather popular Chicago Blogger who was kind enough to reply to an email sent by a newcomer in Chicago. His kindness to answer an email from a stranger is indicative of the truth that most Jbloggers out there are nice people.

Thanks for reading and commenting.