The battlefield of self-growth (in my case mussar) is full of faux-victories. Choosing not to scream at your kids or insult someone close to you isn’t so difficult, if you think before you speak and keep calm. We might ascribe the action (or in action) as a major battle, but really it isn’t. Unless you have a real Hulk-like temper and spend your day scream at others, then choosing not to scream, isn’t a real battle. It could be a ploy of the Yetzer or the Sitra Achra, but it isn’t a full scale battle royal.
I started this blog with one primary goal, to attempt to write more regularly. I figured if one person read a post and came back to read another (even if they didn’t make a comment) that would be enough of a push to write more. It worked. This blog also doubles as a good creative outlet and has kept me (for the most part) out of trouble. It has also given me a sense of false comfort that I’ve, somehow, serving a role in Knesses Yisrael. I’ll be the first to tell you that I know Hashem has more planned for me that my involvement in my chosen industry. Finding a way to bring that to life is a challenge for me. This blog is a good platform, but probably just one aspect of what I can do for our people.
That being written, I’d like to get some things off my chest. If you think I’m all into self-growth, it’s only when I’m comfortable with what’s sprouting. If you think I’m a nice guy, it depends on the time of day and how much patience I have. If you think I am constantly inspired, it’s only because I act the part. If you think I am truthful, I am guilty of lying to myself and others.
Recently I’ve found myself in several “real” battlefields. Some I’ve navigated to on my own accord, others I have “run into” as tests. I’ve been forced to confront people and myself. Dealing with people is much easier for me than dealing with myself. I’m realizing that the really battle is with myself and I am extremely cunning. I thought that pulling an “Alter of Novardok” and staying in cabin not posting, à la perishus (separation) would help. Had it been the correct course, then you wouldn’t be reading this now. I guess a week was long enough.