Category Archives: Chicago

The way Yiddishkeit is transmitted

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Graphic from here

“Yiddishkeit is only transmitted one way, through simcha. It’s not transmitted through intimidation.”

The quote, isn’t mine (but I wish it was).  It was said by Dr. Rabbi Jerry Lob, a clinical psychologist in Chicago.  These two sentences are actually from a lecture he gave a number of years ago for Priority-1 titled “The Making of a Mentch”.  The mp3 is available for streaming or downloading here.  I look at these everyday when I come into work.  My children would probably be better off if I posted them on the back door to read become I come home.

All too often the core values we want to impart, the middos we wish to highlight, and minhagim we wish to give over, and the Toarh we attempt to teach isn’t always transmitted through simcha.     This really should be a refrigerator magnet and sold as a fundraiser for a school or yeshiva (another good idea of mine that someone will profit from).

Think about it.  If teachers would read this before starting their teaching day, our chinuch system might be a little different.  If I read this before sitting down for a Shabbos meal, trying to get a child to start their limudei Kodesh homework, or telling my own kids kids to clean their rooms our home would be different.  I don’t think that showing simcha is the end all cure for all the ills within society, but it has got to be a better option than intimidation.

For more reading about happiness, I will refer you to an article about the Chazon Ish’s view of happiness that can be found here.

Tomer Devorah shiur #2 now online

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The second shiur from the YU Torah Mitzion Kollel of Chicago’s Tomer Devorah chabura was just posted online, here. The shiur, “Mi Kel Kamocha, Patience and Anger“, discusses the first middah.  Rabbi Etan Ehrenfeld touches on the importance how Hashem is always patient with us and says over in important teaching from Rav Dessler zt”l.  Take a listen and if you’re in Chicago, come to Congregation KINS this Sunday and join us from 8pm-9pm!

Tomer Devorah shiur #1 now online

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Rabbi Etan Ehrenfeld

The first shiur from the YU Torah Mitzion Kollel of Chicago’s Tomer Devorah chabura was just posted online, here.  The shiur, “V’halachta B’drachav”, is based on the the Ramak’s intoduction to the sefer and Rabbi Etan Ehrenfeld brings in an article from the Rav and Sefer HaMitzvos in helping to understand the how we can be similar to our Creator.  It’s worth a listen and is a great way to prepare for this Sunday’s class at Congregation KINS from 8pm-9pm!

Isn’t "half-Shabbos" only half bad?

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This is probably not a surprise, but I’m not in favor of “half-Shabbos”.  In fact, I strongly suggest that if you haven’t read Rabbi Maryles’ post on the subject from last week, then you should.

Of course, it’s not just high school age teens.  I know of twenty-somethings that do this, too.  Like germs, technology trends, fad diets, and a funny clip on YouTube… it’s everwhere.

If I found out that my own son or daughter was texting on Shabbos, I’m not sure what I would do (it would probably involved some screaming, sadly).  Most likely, I’d start playing the blame game.  It’s pretty easy to blame the school and the parents for not teaching our youth to appreciate the beauty of Shabbos.  It’s even easier to look at our shuls, Rabbanim, and community leaders and think that if there was more real leadership or a feeling of passion about Yiddishkeit then these kids would feel some busha about texting in parks or behind closed doors.  I’ve read about this in blogs for almost a year.  I’ve seen the comments, schmoozed with a few friends about this and there’s one question that I haven’t heard.

What were these people doing on Shabbos before they started texting and using their phone on Shabbos Kodesh?  Probably tearing toilet-paper, picking out the bad jelly-beans from the good ones, watching movies on Shabbos with their iPhones on Netflix (with headphones), chewing treif gum or even something worse.  The odds are that someone who is keeping “half-Shabbos” by texting has been involved in other less-headline grabbing aspects of chillul Shabbos for some time.  I know, you’re thinking, “You are right, Neil.  I’ve read countless articles in the Jewish Week, Jewish Press, Chicago Jewish News, and the Baltimore Jewish Times about so many high school age teens that are being rebellious by double-knotting their shoes on Shabbos.”  In fact, if we assur’ed lace-up shoes, then we could stem the tide of kids at-risk.

If we want to really isolate the blame as to why “half-Shabbos” has become a trend then we have to swallow the hechshared or other-the-counter-approved pill and look at the person reading this (I’ll take care of looking at the person writing this).  It’s us.

We are to blame.

If you choose to blame the schools or the shuls, then stop.  If you think the schools and shuls should be more involved in promoting the concept of Ahavas Hashem and the importance of building a relationship with Hashem then you have to be the one to discuss it with those people in charge.  If you think that parents who try to be friends with their kids instead of being parents are to blame for not being more aware of what their kids are doing, then learn how to approach the parents.  Now, it could be that parents and educators don’t have the tools needed to approach those that keep “half-Shabbos”.  Then we need to pull together Rabbis, educators, Kiruv-types, and adolescent psychologists to figure out a game plan.

I’m an optimist by default.  This “glitch in the matrix” is just that, a glitch.  This is just a trend.  We, as an observant community, have dealt with both youth and adults not keeping “full Shabbos” in the past.  In fact, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter encountered it when he moved to the port city of Memel of Lithuania, a community that wasn’t so into keeping Shabbos:

Reb Yisroel did not take a harsh, uncompromising stance against Sabbath desecration in that setting. Instead, he resorted to a soft, graduated approach. In his first sermon he explained the concept of Shabbos to the people on their level, concluding that chillul Shabbos at the port was intolerable because of the writing involved – the major Sabbath desecration of running a business. He did not discuss the actual portering of goods. Many agreed that they could postpone their writing until the weekdays, while the loading and unloading continued.

Some weeks later he suggested that without too much sacrifice, it should be possible not to send shipments, even if goods did arrive. Slowly this approach too became acceptable to the merchants. After a period of time, he convinced them that even the unloading was not vital – and the Jewish merchants of the city ceased all their port activities on the Shabbos. A revolutionized Memel emerged.  (From Tnuas Hamussar vol 1, page 186)

One of the many things to learn from the above story is that you can’t always have an “all or nothing” approach.  That doesn’t work all the time.  In fact, we don’t even need to look to a story about Jewish life in 1860, I can look to our times.  There’s a group called Reboot who started a campaign a few years ago called the Sabbath Manifesto.

It wasn’t started by a kiruv organization, an outreach yeshiva, or an umbrella organization that represents Torah Jews.  It was started by diverse group of non-Orthodox Jews.  They try to and have been successful in getting people to reduce using communication devices on Shabbos.  They even sell a cool sleeping bag to put your cell phone into.  The had a national day of unplugging in March and had thousands of people unplug from their phones for a Shabbos.

Most social trends like inter-marriage, assimilation, and substance abuse tend to start outside of our own dalet amos and eventually filter into our heimishe velt. Maybe trend of unplugging will reach those choosing to keep “half-Shabbos” and filter into our own heileigah homes and schools.

In the meantime, if you’re one of those who keeps a “half-Shabbos” then remember, you’re still half-way closer to “full Shabbos”.

* A special thanks to R Yitzchok Lowenbraun and AJOP for featuring this post in their weekly newsletter.

A true win in the eyes of the non-sports fan

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I am not a sports fan.

I could blame it on the environment I grew up in, since my hometown isn’t home to any professional sports teams. I was never particularly athletic, but did play some soccer when I was in elementary school. That, aside from posing as a skateboard, was the extent of my active involvement in any sports. Of course, I bike (for information about this and how to help me raise money for Chai Lifeline click here), but it’s more of a hobbie. My father a”h was an avid tennis player and golfer back in the day and he loved to watch college basketball, especially our local team, the Wichita State Shockers. We would attend many games during the season and always watch them on TV. As I got older, my interest in spending time watching games with my father dissipated, as I moved towards things like comic books, decisively counter-culture music, and Yiddishkeit.

My lack of interest in sports as an adult, you see, has nothing to do with religion or frumkeit. In fact, not being able to chime in about various sports news, scores, and game highlights is somewhat of a social damper for me especially during Kiddush on Shabbos. As I’ve posted before, my son (in 5th grade) is a huge sports fanatic. Aside from being fairly athletic (he gets this from my wife’s side of the family), he is a avid fan of professional sports. At White Sox games he has completely held his own when talking about plays with adults sitting near us and will even record games off the radio with his mp3 player so that he can listen to them if he falls asleep.

As a father I know and have seen how sports can be a “father and son” bonding thing. I make an effort to always find out the scores of games in the morning, so that I can tell him who wins and I often will be the one to give him a newsflash about when someone is traded from one team to another. My son understands that I take an active role in what interests him, even if I remain on the sidelines. Playing sports is more than just exercise, it builds teamwork, confidence, and teaches one to follow directions. As I have seen for the past few years in the little league that my son plays in, with the right role-models there are many opportunities to teach the importance of both good sportsmanship and also Kiddush Hashem (as in the real mitzvah of Kiddush Hashem, which classically relates to how other Jews see you).

After a recent little league baseball game my son’s coach emailed us about a decision he made towards the end of the game. I admit, I had to read it a few times and even wiki’ed a baseball term. It seems that the coach decided, “to walk one player from the opposing team to load the bases so that there could be a force play at every base in the event that the subsequent batter put the ball in play the ball in play.” As it turns out, my son’s coach “unintentionally violated the rules by ordering an intentional walk so there would be a force play at every base when the next batter came up to bat”, as he wrote us in the email. He concluded his email, which he asked us to read to our sons, with these words:



“As I have discussed making a Kiddush Hashem with the kids over and over, I feel that I may have done just the opposite. I take full responsibility for what transpired and as the coach of the team, I am fully accountable. Please let the boys know that I am sorry that I let them down and I will try to be better in the future. As role models, we can never let our desire to win supersede our obligation to act with derech eretz and proper respect for our fellow players.”

My son’s team has a fairly good record so far this season. There will be more games won and probably a few that he will lose, but this was a true win. I hope in the years to come when he sees his father make mistakes along the way or when he, himself, makes the wrong call at some point, he will be able to look at the intellectual honesty and Torah true menschlikeit that his coach demonstrated.

IF YOU HAVE EVER ENJOYED READING THIS BLOG…

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Hi.  My name is Neil and I have a blog, which you are now reading.  If you have read any of my posts over the last five years and they have made you think, laugh, smile, give up using the web, look up something, or try to be a better person, then please consider helping me as I bike 45 miles on May 29th.

I will, for the fourth year in a row, be joining dozens of Chai Cyclists in Chicago´s Bike the Drive, a thirty-mile rally on Lake Shore Drive, to raise money for Chai Lifeline, a wonderful organization dedicated to helping very sick children and their families.

Chai Lifeline provides year-round emotional, social, and financial support to more than 3,000 children and their families every year. In our area, Chai Lifeline Midwest offers access to two-dozen free programs and services that touch each member of the family, helping them to live full and happy lives despite the presence of illness.

Last year, with your help, I was able to raise a record amount of money for Chai Lifeline.  I biked a total of 45 miles on Lake Shore Drive in downtown Chicago within 4 hours, which was personal record for me. I dedicated my biking to my father, Al Harris, of blessed memory, who had died that year of Leukemia. While it was great being able to celebrate with my wife, children, and by brother (who came to town to join us), the real victory was for those helped by Chai Lifeline by your donations.  I cannot tell you how much it meant to me and my entire family from across the country.

I have been training during the past few months indoors and I am currently training on the streets of Chicago and Skokie biking in the evenings and getting ready for the big ride. I will admit, this year, I have another goal besides raising funds to help Chai Lifeline. This year I am hoping that my bike training will not only get me in ready for the ride, but will also help me get into better physical shape for life.

Chai, mean “life”, and I have seen that that the work, love, care, and support that Chai Lifeline gives is truly a lifeline for many people. They provide so much for so many people. And now, together, we can both help them. The word “mitzvah” is derived from the Hebrew word meaning “to connect”. By sponsoring me for Bike the Drive, you are making an unbreakable connection by directly helping so many children and their families.

I have the best trainers in the world working with me…my wife and three kids. I know in the past I’ve had your support and I’m hoping you will sponsor me once again.
My objective is to raise $3,500.00 by race day and I hope you will help me reach this goal. All donations are 100% tax deductible. If your company has a matching gift program, your gift may be doubled or tripled.

Thank you for supporting me, and in doing so, helping children and their families cope with the diagnosis, treatment and aftermath of serious pediatric illness. Please feel free to forward this to anyone who might be interested in supporting Chai Lifeline.

To find out how you can help sponsor me (in any amount, no matter how small or how big), please click here:
http://tiny.cc/chailifeline

Thank you for reading,
Neil

Drasha in honor of Chicago Hatzalah

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Drasha for Hatzalah Chicago – by Rabbi Leonard A. Matanky, Ph.D.
by Hatzalah Chicago on Monday, May 9, 2011 at 8:37pm
On April 3, 2011, Hatzalah Chicago had a beautiful dinner to congratulate its first EMT-B graduating class and to honor the wives of Hatzalah graduates for their unyielding support.

Rabbi Matanky graced us with his presence and delivered a most moving drasha for Hatzalah Chicago:

I was thinking of beginning my brief remarks this evening with a story from Hatzola – one of the amazing but absolutely true accounts that have appeared in the press or on the internet – those selfless acts of compassion, daring deeds of rescue and split-second decisions that have saved countless lives.

I really was thinking of beginning that way… but then I realized that knowing so many of you – the best Hatazola stories are yet to be told – because Hatzalah of Chicago is yet to begin saving lives and creating those stories.
And so this evening – instead – I’ve decided to share with you a story that is more than 150 years old – a story of the terrible cholera epidemic which claimed the lives of hundreds of Jews in Vilna and the response of one of our greatest Torah luminaries – someone that Reb Chaim described as having the stature of a ראשון – the great Reb Yisrael Lipkin, or as we know him – Reb Yisrael Salanter, זצ”ל

The year was 1848, and not unlike our modern day organizers of Hatzalah, when Reb Yisrael saw the medical emergency of his time, he jumped into action, renting a hospital with hundreds of beds, enlisting the aid of volunteer doctors and organizing dozens of “yeshiva yungerleit” to serve the needs of those afflicted with that terrible disease.

Under his direction, people worked day and night – the doctors administering medical care, and the “yungerleit” supporting all of the other needs of the patients – whether chopping wood for fuel, lighting fires, or anything else, regardless if it was a weekday or Shabbos.

One Friday night, among those stricken was the grandson of one of the “g’virim” of Vilna, Reb Yosef Chalfan. And… as these “yungerleit” had done for so many others – they cared for him, doing melacha on Shabbos – until he was out of mortal danger.

Soon afterwards, the grandfather appeared before Reb Yisrael, grateful for saving his grandson’s life – but humbly and respectfully suggesting that perhaps… the “yungerleit” did a little too much, that maybe others – who weren’t the creme de la creme of the yeshiva community – should have been called upon to work on Shabbos.

Hearing this, and fearing that such an attitude could jeopardize his entire life-saving campaign, Reb Yisrael uncharacteristically attacked this “g’vir” – accusing him in the strongest of language of challenging his halachic knowledge, his judgement and his ability to lead.

In fact, Reb Yisrael’s verbal attack was so powerful –  that R’ Yosef Chalfan immediately removed his shoes, sat on the ground as if he was sitting shiva, and begged Reb Yisrael for forgiveness.

Tonight, nearly 162 years later we have gathered to honor and to celebrate – the very same mitzvah that Reb Yisrael defended so fiercely – a mitzvah that according to the חתם סופר is greater than שבת and greater than building even the Beit HaMikdash – or in his words –  עדיף מן ?הכל – greater than everything; and therefore it’s a mitzvah that WE – the frum members of our community should be proud to fulfill with our best and brightest…

Tonight we have the זכות to honor and celebrate the מצוה of SAVING LIVES – NOT when it’s convenient, but when it’s needed – 24/7 – on weekdays and on שבת and on יום טוב.

And on behalf of the rabbonim of the community I want each and every one of you to know – that when in a few months from now, Hatzalah actively begins it’s efforts – we are behind you every step of the way.

And therefore, while I pray that no one is ever sticken ill – if they are, and if I have the zechus to see one of you driving to respond to an emergency ON Shabbos – I and all of the rest of the רבני העיר will be cheering you on, proud that we have frum people who understand what הקב”ה truly wants from us.

Which is to be “partners” in His world, to recognize that true and lasting kedusha emanates, not from passive acquiesence – but active involvement.

For as Rav Soloveitchik, זצ”ל taught, Har Sinai, the site of the most sacred and exalted event of all time, is today bereft of any קדושה. While the most sacred site in the world is הר הבית. Why? Because at Sinai, G-d reached out us. While at Har HaBayit, WE reached out to הקב”ה – we because partners with the Divine.

And that’s the reason your work on behalf of Hatzalah is a true מלאכת הקודש, because you are partnering with הקב”ה.

Which is something that Reb Matisyahu Solomon, once taught – a lesson about the prayer of אבינו מלכינו.

Asked the mashgiach of Lakewood, what are we really asking for when we say – Avinu Malkeinu – our father our king, זכרינו לזכויות – remember us for merit?

Are we asking Him to give us credit for things we didn’t do – to give us merit that is undeserved!?

Obviously not. Rather, what זכרינו לזכויות means is that we are asking הקב”ה to give us the ability to DO great things – to give us the opportunity that not everyone has… to achieve זכויות.

And that’s what we are celebrating tonight – we are celebrating the MEN who will be given the זכות to save lives – and thereby are partnering with God. And we are celebrating their wives, who have not only stepped in so that their husbands could study, but are now ready to allow their husbands to sometimes leave them – on a moments notice – leave them and their families – for the sake of others and thereby THEY are partnering with God; and we are celebrating all those who have taught these men and who have organized this sacred effort – all the while creating זכויות –  – and thereby partnering with God and building the merit of our community – לשם ולתפארת – according to halacha and with the support and the gratitude of our community.

And so, on behalf of an entire community, and in the name of the rabbonim who have the honor to offer some assistance, I thank all of you – and I look forward to those stories of miracles and wonders, of lives that will be saved and lives that will be rescued.

May הקב”ה bless you with limitless זכויות, with boundless commitment and with the guidance to lead, serve and save.

Sent via Blackberry by AT&T

If you have ever read this blog and gotten something out of it…

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… then please read this.  I need your help.

In a few weeks, I will join dozens of Chai Cyclists in Chicago´s Bike the Drive, a thirty-mile rally on Lake Shore Drive, to raise money for Chai Lifeline, a wonderful organization dedicated to helping very sick children and their families.
Chai Lifeline provides year-round emotional, social, and financial support to more than 3,000 children and their families every year. In our area, Chai Lifeline Midwest offers access to two-dozen free programs and services that touch each member of the family, helping them to live full and happy lives despite the presence of illness.
My objective is to raise $3,500.00 by race day and I hope you will help me reach this goal. All donations are 100% tax deductible. If your company has a matching gift program, your gift may be doubled or tripled.
Thank you for supporting me, and in doing so, helping children and their families cope with the diagnosis, treatment and aftermath of serious pediatric illness. Please feel free to forward this to anyone who might be interested in supporting Chai Lifeline.

To contribute, please click here.
Your contribution is greatly appreciated.