The odds are that most of us have done something or accomplished a goal that is, simply, amazing. It may have happened through hard work and hours upon hours or it could have been a spontaneous. It’s a constant challenge for me to remember the highlights of my life and the good points within me.
Remembering those victories, wins, and good points isn’t always easy for me. It requires searching, hitting dead ends, pulling up old memories and feelings, and the worst thing imaginable…facing the truth of what my potential is.
Finding that little bit of greatness (Rebbe Nachman of Breslov would refer to this as the lesson of Azamra. The Alter of Slobodka would say this is about finding the shelaymis inside of us) can be an Indiana Jones-esque adventure, if you really want to find value in what you’ve done or are working towards legit goal.
As someone who wants to want to grow so that I can get closer to my potential I can offer this Starbucks’ chair lesson (I don’t think people still have armchairs). Be careful what you want. Yeah, Tweet worthy, I know. Ratzon, desire, is the bomb.com, as someone in my family says. Rav Dessler quote a Gemara that says Hashem fulfills a sincere ratzon, for Tov (good) or Ra (bad). The example he gives is that sometimes for reasons we don’t understand if a thief has a real desire to break into a store to steal something then Hashem helps make it happen. This isn’t an endorsement of criminal behavior or a heter to break the law and commit an avairah, it’s just how it is sometimes. So, if your real desire is to find that moment when you did something great or you really want to provide for your family then be real about it. My wife says that if you want something bad enough then it will happen (on some form). She’s right. I’ll give you what is both the coolest and most pathetic example.
The two pics above are of an urban exploration location dubbed the “Ashland Water Caves”. These pictures were the first to be posted online back on 2010. Since then urban explorers have been trying to find their location. The location is know to a few people who retreat there to hang out, drink beer (evident by empty bottles), and display their graffiti to their inner circle.
I saw these pics this past January and immediately “had to find them”. With only vague descriptions of short sentences I didn’t have much to go on. I contact the photograph/explorer but he didn’t respond. It’s fairly common for explorers to find a place, post pictures, and then not reveal the location for fear of the site becoming at “tourist attraction” or simply vandalized further. I searched online with various keywords and drove through streets and neighborhood late at night on Google street view. I came to narrow the location to two different places. I went, checked both out, and didn’t see a point of entry. Then a few weeks later I went back and mapped out a way in. Got in and freaked out. It was like visiting the site of a famous speech or going to the location of a famous yeshiva in Europe. I was standing in hollowed ground. I couldn’t believe I had cracked the puzzle that had stumped explorers for at least 5 years.
Cool and pathetic. I had been on this quest and it was a bracha that I found it, with Hashem’s help. I just want to take people there that would appreciate it, but I won’t. It’s not meant for the masses to go to, but to be found.
Pathetic is also how I felt upon leaving the Caves. Energy, hours, and sechel committed to something so selfish. I could have used my inner resources for something that would have helped my family or my attachment to Hashem. I got the message from Above. I was given a first-hand view of what ratzon can accomplish. I did it, not someone else (not in an arrogant way) because I was meant to. So as a new year of opportunity comes I will try to put my efforts into things that can be more beneficial.